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anonymous
writes: Hi I'm 25 yrs and have been with my boyf for 7yrs. He is 35yrs old and just recently I have been getting broody and feel ready to have a baby. We have a beautiful home and our own business. He's not so keen and says that he's not ready and wants to wait 5yrs. I'm worried that after five yrs he'll say that he doesn't want one and I'll be 30 and have to start all over again. Am I mad? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2006): What if your boyfriend, is ready to start a family and i'am not he is 25 and i'am 20. I don't know what to do i know that the age has something to do with. but i have to get out of college first. And then we can start a family
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female
reader, 81605slygurl +, writes (17 August 2005):
I just noticed that you were 18 when you started dating this guy and he was 28!!! Wow that's a big age difference considering the ten year age gap. Maybe he's in a different point in life, and doesn't want kids anymore. If he's at that point then I don't know what to say... because first, being 21 I haven't probably experienced the best part of life yet. I mean I like kids and all, but handling them can be a handful! Trust me, I help my grandmother babysit sometimes. It sucks if you have to give them most of the attention all the time. Anyway, if you think you are ready for a family or baby then good for you, but also I agree with the above poster. Talk to the guy along with a counselor. Also, since you guys didn't have kids already and he's 35, what is he waiting for? Old age?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2005): I just noticed that you were 18 when you started dating this guy and he was 28!!! Wow that's a big age difference considering the ten year age gap. Maybe he's in a different point in life, and doesn't want kids anymore. If he's at that point then I don't know what to say... because first, being 21 I haven't probably experienced the best part of life yet. I mean I like kids and all, but handling them can be a handful! Trust me, I help my grandmother babysit sometimes. It sucks if you have to give them most of the attention all the time. Anyway, if you think you are ready for a family or baby then good for you, but also I agree with the above poster. Talk to the guy along with a counselor. Also, since you guys didn't have kids already and he's 35, what is he waiting for? Old age?
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (20 April 2005):
 You both need to discuss this matter with a professional counsellor, someone who can dig a little deeper and find out what it is that's troubling your boyfriend so much that, after 7 years together, he still thinks something vital is missing that he needs another 5 years to find or fix it.What does he tell you that he's waiting for? What happens in 5 years? A promotion? An inheritance? Keys to the City? Have you discussed this together in depth before you began to feel "broody"? If not, it could be that he's just never been aware that you wanted kids and he could be negative as he adjusts to thinking of himself as potentially someone's Daddy, instead of the hot, young stud that he's always wanted to be. That perception can be a bit of a comedown for men.If you have discussed kids - and why you want them now, and why he doesn't and what would happen if one of you didn't get your way - then what did he tell you were his reasons for not wanting them at age 35? Did he think that being 40 would bring some magical enlightenment... or is it just a standoff tactic to buy some more time until he thinks you'll lose interest in this foolish idea about babies?In fairness, at 25 you have at least ten more years before fertility becomes a serious issue, and there's lots to be said for having a thoroughly mature outlook before starting a family, so it's not like you have to rush ahead, just because you feel like you want children now.What's more of a concern is that your boyfriend keeps moving the goalposts. If he won't open up a bit and tell you exactly what he expects to happen in the intervening five years that he wants you to wait... and if he can't assure you that, if you wait five more years, he will *definitely* be ready for kids... then I think you need to tell him that it's time to talk to a counsellor about what the deeper issues are.After all, it's a pretty black or white decision: either you want children, or you don't. He doesn't, you do. There's got to be a compromise.What you should NOT do is wait around until you're 30, then ask him timidly if he's changed his mind, because I can almost guarantee that he'll tell you, "Well, I'm not sure yet... Why don't we wait another 5 years?"Then it does become an issue. This is something that you need to talk about with him now, and reach a compromise. Either that, or you decide which is more important: staying with a partner who doesn't want children, or children.
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