A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been involved in an affair with a married man that I work with for almost five years. I realized long ago that the relationship was not working for me. This man never made promises to leave his wife, but always said the right things to convince me to remain involved. I have gone through much emotional pain and anxiety. I know this relationship has kept me from dating other truly available men. I have tried to break it off many times. However, since we work together (very closely) it has been so hard because we have to see each other every day. I am ready to end this for good. Unfortunately, changing jobs is not an option for either of us at this point. I am sure that once I tell him the affair is over for good, he will not harass me. I have been distancing myself for awhile now. In fact, I have a feeling he is involved with another co-worker of ours. I need practical advice on how to deal with the inevitable anxiety and humiliation that will rise up in me when I see him or when I see him and the co-worker together. Any input and/or advice you can give is much appreciated!
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female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (25 January 2010):
Well done for finally realizing the futility of your relationship. My ex husband's mistress said the exact same thing to me that he never promised to leave me for her but said all the right things eg. We will always be together/ trust me, I am working on something etc. On the other hand, he told me she was a cheap whore and he felt nothing for her. He also told her this to her face in front of me during the post discovery confrontation. I'm just telling you this so you have an idea of how useless your future with him will be if you let yourself be reconvinced to carry on the relationship.
As for him seeing the other woman, it will definitely hurt a little, but just comfort yourself by reminding yourself why you broke it off in the first place. Remind yourself of how much time you wasted on him and how a little while from now the smug look on the other woman's face will disappear eventually when she too realises how much she is being used.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2010): Don't think about them, think about yourself. You did the right thing. Ignore if you see them together, act like you never see them. You are not emotionally healed yet reasons you think about the humiliations. Move on...you did the right thing for leaving your lover! You will berate yourself later on if you continue...GOODLUCK TO U!
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A
female
reader, GardenGrove8273 +, writes (25 January 2010):
Hmm is there any single attractive guys you work with? If so that would be perfect! For one, you wouldn't be hurting his oblivious wife and it shouldn't make you feel embarrased anymore if you have someone to flaunt right infront of him.
The only difficulties you should encounter would be just still having feelings for him (which it seems like you have some pretty strong ones).
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 January 2010):
 You probably prayed for him to take his attention away from you and your prayer has been answered. Your affair has ended. Next time when you see your boss and co worker together just wink at them and whisper it's all good! The co worker is the one who would deal with the inevitable anxiety and humiliation, while you are free as a bird.
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