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*rustrated0001
writes: Help! I just got married .. I mean like three weeks ago .. and I am already ready to leave. My husband is so much different than who I thought I married. I feel like I am raising a second child. I am now pregnant and have one infant and feel like I am going to die of exhaustion. I work over 50 hours a week, my daughter comes along with me .. then I go home to clean house, bathe the baby and put her to bed, leaving me exhausted when my husband comes home around nine oclock after working his five hour shift. He is home all day and does nothing but go swimming, hang out with his brother/friends and sleep. He works a total of like 24 hours a week while I work my butt off and I am really getting aggravated. On top of that we have not told any one we are pregnant yet and his mom and sisters "suspect" that I am so they have been spreading around that I am pregnant - look how big she's gotten. I just constantly feel on edge. My hormones are crazy and my husband is not being a bit supportive. When I tell him my frustrations he says I will just have to get over it. Also he stays up or goes out until after midnight while the baby and I are asleep at home. I am sick of nagging! What do I do? How can you work things out if he is not willing to budge from his stubborn ways? I have told him how I feel and begged for him to get a job during the day - full time .. I am bringing in all the money and basically supporting him financially! I have a baby and I cant keep this up ... help please!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2007): maybe you should stop nagging about everything and focus on nagging about the things that are really important. In general women like an all inclusive nag approach. Why dont you focus on one area and nag. if you are a professional nagger he probably turned you off long ago. In your nag that you posted here it sounds like from the second he wakes up to the moment he goes to bed he is a f**k-up. Nagging is usually defined as someone who finds something to nag about everywhere and at every time. why dont you narrow it down a bit sweety and he may listen. oh and narrowing it down means specific by level of importance, not generalizing and lumping it all together ie. telling him "you are lazy"
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2007): I would seriously consider kicking him to the curb. You do not need this right now!! What a jerk!!!
I would kick him out and see if he realizes that he's being a complete moron.
I feel really bad for you!
I can't believe he goes out at night! He's got it made...a woman supporting him, cooking for him and cleaning for him and he can do what ever he likes.
Get rid of him and see if he's willing to change his ways!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2007): The fact that this marriage experience is being posted, would indicate there are some communication problems between the two of you.
If you are unable to resolve issues between yourselves, then it might be useful to obtain an opinion from another party. Counselling could assist in this area, however counsellors are trained to listen and might not provide definative feedback that you both might seek.
How about an unbiased mutual friend ? He/She could provide guidlines as to what would be reasonable in any given circumstance.
Best of luck and love to all.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2006): I would either not work so many hours and see what he thinks of that or just kick his ass to the curb!!!! Don't have sex with him anymore either. Say to him if you can't support us then get the hell out and I am not having another one of your babies!!!!!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2005): Oh that's funny. Why on earth did you marry the man? Both of you stop your belly aching. Lady, either lump it or leave it. Focus on another avenue if you can't seem to make this one work. "Husband" be more responsible or leave the relationship. There was a reason the two of you got together but obviously you both forgot it. Do you remember what made you fall in love with him/her? Do you think you can find it again and stop nit picking and getting back at each other? IF not, leave. It will never be fixed and you will only keep complaining about the same things because you both keep getting back at each other.
"Husband" dont invade your wife's privacy or she will give you a reason to worry. I'd leave you for another guy and leave you with the kids.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2005): Dont forget to mention dear husband that your "full time promotion" is not secure and neither is your salary. Dont leave out that it will be full commision and that means instability with finances. You have no idea how much you will make... how do you provide for a family with no financial planning??? and absolutly no way of knowing any numbers so we could attempt to budget! and dont forget husband ... that there are reasons i do not leave our baby girl at home with you ... you dont even know if your license is valid! how many times have you been in jail for suspended license?? and you will not stay at home with her .. you will drive around with her .. NO sane mother would leave her newborn with someone who could potentially get in trouble with the law while he has their baby. Thats how those girls you see in the slums get there ! so husband .. tell me then .. if you "clean" the house every day ... tell me when that is .. because AS SOON as you wake up .. around noon .. you go STRAIGHT to your moms house .. you dont even pick up bottles on the floor or put dishes in the dish washer .. i dont know what your cleaning .. i guess just your own a** .. And how many times have i said we need financial counceling .. and what is your response .. "i need to pay off my 400 dollar cell phone bill" yeah .. thats going to help out the family as long as you have your stupid pointless cell phone.. anyway .. your right .. i do say things like i dont want to be married .. my husband dosnt know how to be comforting ..definitly not with his words .. and espeacially not with actions.. so what do you expect??and dont excuse the fact that every night .. yes you do get home around nine thirty but only to leave as soon as you walk in the door for "some" unknown reason. and one more thing ... stop hacking into my email accounts and getting into my mail!
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reader, frustrated0001 +, writes (7 July 2005):
From the "Lazy Husband"I work for a mortgage company as a marketer, its true i only work 5 hours a night, but i started this job two weeks before getting married cause i was/am promised a promotion within a month. wife knew/knows this. we have now been married for 1 month and i just got the full time promotion.Now, she keeps saying she is going to leave me cause i never do anything...our apartment is never dirty, we are both very clean people and BOTH clean everyday...she says i never do anything with our child, a babygirl...she brings her to work with her all day...i ask every morning, every morning if she can leave the baby at home with me, but the wife says no.She says i go swimming durring the day and stay out late at night...I have been Swimming once this summer with out my wife there with me, and i work until nine and have never, ever been home later than 9:30...the truth is people, my wife, the one you all have been talking to "Helping" with her lazy "a" husband...just doesnt want to be married...how many times have i asked her to talk to someone about it and get help?...hundreds...how many times have we?...none...she says it wont do any good...""if you dont listen to me than why would you listen to what someone else says we should do?""so maybe, if you people want to really help maybe a good start would be by Suggesting real counseling...thank you.
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reader, becky05 +, writes (29 June 2005):
What a git! I know you married him for better or worse but this takes the biscuit! I assume you have tried to tell him that you need help with the housework and kids, if not tell him. If he's refusing to help, why dont you try stopping doing housework till he gets off his lazy backside and does something in the house.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2005): God I really feel for you. You dont mention how far along you are in your pregnancy. Possibly early stages. If I was you I would get one of those pregnant covers that go over the top of you to look as if you're pregnant. Get your husband to wear it and swap roles for just one day. He will soon be willing to help you out once he has had a tatse of how much you actually do. If he is not willing to do so, say you are going out, join antinantal classes and get out more, he will soon miss all the things you do for him when you arent there xx,.
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