A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm pregnant with my ex boyfriends child. We dated for five years and were engaged for two years until I found out he cheated on me by sleeping for four other women during the course of our relationship. He tends to lie a lot- just small white lies. Please just give me your opinions.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2009): I was is the same situation. I was with my ex for 6 1/2 yrs. We were drifting apart but continued to try to make it work when i got pregnant. I went thru 9 months alone, because he didnt want anything to do with the baby. After my son was born he all of sudden he wanted a family. 9 years later i can tell you how happy i am that i decided to stay single and not work things out with him. Any situation will be hard for the child, but i am glad my son never grew up seeing us as a miserable couple. I know many couples who have stayed together because of the children and they are not happy nor are the children who are watching them fall apart. As far as custody you have nothing to worry about. The court will stand behind you as long as you dont interfer with the fathers rights to see the child. Good luck and never give up. You are stronger then you think.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2009): I'm going through the same thing girl. My ex and i have been off and on for 8 years. When we first got together i miscarried with him, and a couple years back i had a pregnancy scare, now it's the real thing. I'm 7 weeks along and he's put into his own head that he's not the father. It's ok though, i WILL take him to court, and will prove him wrong. All that matters right now is my baby, and i'm so excited to see him or her! I don't care what it takes. I will let him have his rights, but i won't be with him ever again, unless he does a 180 and i highly doubt that, he's stuck in his ways, he'll never change. He lied to me all the time too, but constantly accused me of cheating, and what was he doing? Yep, cheating. I hate him right now!
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female
reader, headphonejunkie +, writes (27 December 2008):
This guy is a real piece of work.
Look, while I'm all for fathers right to see their children, he's obviously just wanting to get out of his monetary obligation. OBLIGATION! It isn't something on a form you can just check on or off, he has a responsibility to make sure his child is well fed, clothed, has health care (which you can actually state that he is responsible for providing), and even that the child has adequate transportation and of course housing.
I don't doubt for a second that he'll fight you on custody no matter what you do, so do what is right for your child and take care of that paper work right away. Don't let him bully you, or your child out of what you deserve!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2008): I’m the anon male that posted earlier. Thanks for answering my question. A similar thing happened to a guy friend of mine, except his ex girlfriend intentionally went off the pill and slept with him hoping to pregnant in a last ditch effort to hold on to him. It worked. He’s still with her, raising their child but they are both miserable. Especially him.
However, it sounds like you DID NOT have the above scenario in mind in your case. I think you have a very healthy perspective on this. At least you are wise enough to know you don’t want to stay with this guy after all the lies and cheating.
I don’t know much about custody so I can’t offer much advice there, but I do think that you have your child’s best interests in mind which is a good start to being a good mom.
Your ex may always be in your life in some way or another now that you two are going to have a child together, but that doesn’t mean that he has to be a big part of it anymore. You are still young and have so much ahead of you, don’t ever let this guy hold you back.
Have you considered adoption? There are a lot of couples out there that want so badly to have a child but can’t. I have friends that were adopted and raised by adoptive parents who loved each other and were able to raise them in a great home and family environment.
Only you know the right thing to do in this case, but no matter what, don’t let this guy control you. You are in charge of your future as well as your unborn child’s.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh and to clarify for the anonymous writer - We weren't sexually active until we got engaged. I was on birth control during those two years of engagement. Once we broke up, I got off the pill because I was having to blood pressure problems. And to be completely honest one night I saw him out with some friends we went out for coffee to catch up and ended up sleeping together. I take full responsibility for it - it was stupid and should never have happened. But it did and I'm trying to handle it as responsibly as possible. I don't see this baby as a mistake, merely a blessing. I'm just confused on how to handle the father.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks girls! It's nice to get an unbiased opinion on my situation. I agree with all of you, it's just easier said than done (as you can imagine). I have one more comment "Lauren24" brings up the point of paternity test and child support. I'm worried that he will fight me for custody - I know he won't get full custody of course, but I don't know if I could deal with partial custody. If he's not there and I don't see how he acts with our child how can I trust him every other weekend to make sure said child's teeth are brushed or he/she's eaten a proper meal, etc. Just some of the other thoughts that are running through my head. He's already threaten to fight me for custody if I tried to make him pay child support. (I can't afford it on my own). So that's a reality.
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female
reader, lauren24 +, writes (18 December 2008):
a man that lies and cheats to this extent doesn't sound mature enough to be a responsible father. if you have already decided to keep the child, then you need to set some serious ground rules for him. you have probably debated taking him back or trying to work things out for the sake of your child, but if i were you i would definitely steer clear of this guy. this is a pattern and he's not going to change. he's shown you that with his actions over the course of your relationship. if the two of you dated for 5 years and were also engaged and he still couldn't manage to be faithful, then no child, marriage, etc. is going to change things. even if you have no doubt he's the father, be sure to get a paternity test and file the paperwork for child support asap. you need to do everything in your power to be sure he will be responsible for this child, financially at the very least.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2008): What happened? How were you together for 7 years but only get pregnant after you brokeup?
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female
reader, Lovestrikes19  +, writes (18 December 2008):
 Well what I think just forget about this guy- His probably a big horse back liar that he ever lived for cheating on you like that. Cause right now that child belongs to you, and you have the right to do whats inside in your heart- don't let this guy intimdate you, if he cheets on you again that means he doesn't really care about you at all- his just looking for sex, So my advice girl just go find someone that better than him cause you do alot better- I bet your smart and beauitful and you don't need that crappy guy hanging all over for you like that, my opinion just take your child and run and don't ever look back, thats my advice anyways, hope it goes well for you.
Good luck *
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female
reader, wrhillgil +, writes (18 December 2008):
 He's a jackass, cheating isnt worth it. You poor thing that must really suck! I say dont talk to him and raise your kid w/o him. ur baby doesnt deserve to have a father like that, and if he raises the child, the child might get raised wrong. So i say 4get him, a better guy will come. Keep me Posted
~Hillary~
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