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female
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anonymous
writes: im 32 was dating a 44 year old man. i became pregnant with his baby. it caused a fight. destructively i got drunk and arrested.65 days in jail, he breaks down starts drinking again then goes back to his ex. now im back and seeing him. he says he doesnt want to hurt either of us and i need to give him time. i love him so much. how can i make him see me and his baby are the ones to choose? how can i win him back?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2005): I'm sry to say this but i don't think he left you because you are pregnent ..I think he left you because you were fighting and drinking and getting arrested.... these are very good reasons for him returning to his ex...who is probably more mentaly stable...also you arre using guilt to keep him ...i see no love in this relationship...neither one of you deserve to force a baby to grow up watching all that negative influences....also...shame on you drinking while pregnant....
A
female
reader, Virginiaac +, writes (24 December 2005):
Make sure he takes responsibility for the child and pays his way. Then get hold of yourself and start being a Mum.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2005): First off I want to say that I'm sorry you are in this situation. I've seen problems like this many times, just remember you are not alone.
But, you need to take a step back and look at the problem.
Your boyfriend got mad at you when you became pregnant with his child.
YOU get drunk, while pregnant... and go to jail for over 2 months. When you come back, he is with his ex.
Not only do the both of you have alcohol problems, but you were angry about a fight over YOUR unborn child and YOU became drunk as well.
Its a good thing he said he doesn't want to hurt you or the baby, but you need to think about that yourself, and quit drinking.
I don't think there is "winning" to do, there is talking to do.
Sit down and have a mature converstaion (You are 32 and 44!!!) about planning how to handle this unexpected news. If he starts a fight - back off.
Tell him when he is ready to TALK to get a hold of you.
Your destructive behavior may have even shown him what you might be capable of in the near future.
Tell him you are tired of fighting and you want to have a STRESSLESS pregnancy - with or without him.
Tell him you would love for him to be there for you and the child and let him know that you care for him. Let him know that your fighting, drinking and destructive behaviors need to stop... especially you. Give him the time he needs. Sometimes men (whether they are 21 or 44) need space to STEP BACK (just like you need) to see the whole picture. No matter what, you won't lose him. You are carrying his baby. Instead of acting psycho, act responsible.
Maybe all you need to do is show him that you are not his ex, and you are carrying their child and you love him dearly.
If he doesn't want to speak with you, give him a few days while developing a letter to send to him. DO NOT play the blame game on him, or yourself. - Make it loving.
Hope this helps you!
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A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (23 December 2005):
 Hi dear, i am so sorry you must be going through alot.
You said he didnt take the news well that you were pregnant. That is sad really because it seems he isnt ready to be a dad. I am not happy he went back to his ex especially after you have told him you were expecting his child. He isnt showing alot of responsibity here.
I would suggest you leave him alone as he says.Give him time as he says to sort himself out. If he truly loves and care about you then he will want to be with you.
For now all you have to think about is yourself and that baby growing inside of you now. Get family and friends to help you. dont dwell on this guy much.
For now take care and have a happy holiday.
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