A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:What is the best way to tell my parent's I'm pregnant and that the father is 7 years older then? My parent's are strict Christians and for the past year, I have kept my relationship a secret as they didn't approve of my boyfriend as a friend let alone boyfriend. I live about 90 miles from them so we managed to keep it from them and my boyfriend was ok about it as his parents thought I was too young for him and they didn't know till Christmas but they were only mad we didn't tell them sooner. I am due in August, and I know my parents should know by now, but I just cant think of how to tell them. They will be really mad and I know we will fall out. My dad really dislikes my partner because he got in trouble when he was younger and he has asked me to choose between my family and him before. I kept it hidden so long because I love my family but Im in love with my partner. He treats me well, pays all the bills, he is really good to me. I guess, Im asking what's the best approach to this?
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (5 February 2013):
 GarciaDeLuise, you didn't know this, but as a mod, I have privy to the exact age of the OP, and the OP listed her age as 21. Sorry for any confusion. :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2013): I have been in your postion and was a year younger than you. I brought my bf with me. He is three years older than me. My dad was annoyed. Did he knock him on his ass? No, of course not and most adults would consider the consequences of getting physical. Would he get up and not talk to you for 6 months or possibly the rest of your pregnancy? Absolutly. Will he be there for and love your child? Any parent that loves their child would love their grandchild, any decent parent that cares. He doesnt hate your bf because hes he was a delinquent. He cares about you and wants whats best for you. He wants a gentleman, he wants you to ne married, not because hes christian and its the "right thing to do". He wants it because he wants you to be secure and loved because you deserve no less than perfect, eiher its realistic or not. There could be a possibility that no one would ne right for you. You wish, however made very good points and it would be in your best interest to consider her advi e. While Cerberus has never steeted me wrong with advice; this is something you need to face as a couple AND if your father does decide to knock him out your bf will have to be a man and take it. I HIGHLY doubt that would happen at all, though. My father didnt talk to me until 6 months- when I ended up in the hospital with a kidney infection- more prone to them when you're preg. God he visited me everyday, even when working, after that, everything was fine and he was there as soon as our son was born. Btw drink cranberry juice everyday- Helps prevent uti and kidney infections- err not prevent persay just really helps
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (4 February 2013):
Hold on a second. This isn't a teen pregnancy if you're 21. You're not some little kid in 10th grade who got knocked up. You're a grownup now, so it's time to act like one. Who is this guy to you who pays your bills? Do you both live together? What's your relationship status?
Seriously, it's time for you to grow up right now. Hiding relationships at age 21 even though you live 90 miles away from your parents? Wringing your hands at disclosing pregnancy to them?
You need to face this as an adult, not some naughty 14 year old who got caught in the back seat of a car with Johnny Pimple-Cheeks. I understand what Cerberus is saying about the guy not being with you, and if you both were teenagers, I'd agree with him. However, now, you're all adults, and he will be the father of their grandchild, so in my opinion, the guy should be with you and all 4 of you should sit down and talk. It's slightly different when the daughter is a grown woman living away from home.
It's time to stop hiding things. It's time to stop sneaking around and living a double life with your parents as the dutiful chaste Christian while being "kept" by another man 90 miles away. People were talking about the guy manning up? No, the OP needs to seriously "woman" up. The guy dated a 21 year old woman, and they both consensually made decisions that brought about this pregnancy.
OP, you made the decision to choose the life you are leading. Now stand up for it, own up to it, and be honest with your parents. Your parents may be strict Christians, but you are no longer under their roof or bound to their moral standards. You are pregnant. If you want this child, time to stand up for it.
In the end, when all the tempers die down, when all the shock gets out of their system, when all the harsh words may or may not be spoken, let's not lose sight at what this announcement is all about -- a new family member is about to be born...their first grandchild. No matter how it came about, it's all about family.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2013): Its probably best that you don't plan for it in your head because you dont know whats going to.happen. You need to just go with it.
Hope this helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2013): OP, I'm not saying this is the right thing to do but it's what I would probably do. I have never been pregnant but have had scares so I've thought about this, and I'm also from a strict Christian family.I would not be able to face the immediate anger, disappointment, etc, face to face. I would write a letter to your parents explaining everything. Maybe include a copy of your ultrasound scan so they see its real and get a peek of their grandchild - despite the negatives here, a new baby is on the way and they WILL get excited about that, no matter what. Arrange a visit 1-2 weeks later. You've been with your other half for a year, you don't complain about him in your post, you sound happy, you've decided to keep the baby. Things could be better, yes, but they could also be a hell of a lot worse. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and telling your parents. X
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A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (4 February 2013):
I actually don't think you should take the guy with you the first time you go to talk to them about this. Yes, he is now going to be the father of your child and will be involved in all this. But this is going to be a huge shock for your parents. They don't know that you are involved with him. They don't know you are pregnant. They don't know you are living with him (if you are). It's a lot to take in. And it might be a bit much to have this stranger sitting there while you explain to them all that's been going on that they have been unaware of.
I think it would be better for you to go there and explain everything to them. Tell them you feel terrible that you have kept all of this from them, but it's because you have been afraid of what they would say and think. That you would like to have a more open and honest relationship. Maybe they will disapprove and there will be a falling out. But if there isn't, if you want your partner and parents to have a better relationship, I think it would be best to let them meet after this initial talk. It's going to be emotional, heated, and I think it should be family only. Say that your partner wanted to be there to discuss things together and that he will be there to support you and the baby, but that you wanted to talk to your parents yourself.
And please do it as soon as humanly possible. It's going to hurt them a lot the longer you hold out. It will probably make them dislike your boyfriend more, because essentially they will see it as him driving a wedge between you and them. Because before him, you were closer to them and didn't lie to them. Now with him, you are lying and hiding a pregnancy from them. The reason that you're doing so is because of them, but they will still blame him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2013): iAmHereToHelpYou the time to man up was not to go sneaking behind her parents back, like a teenager and getting her pregnant in the first place.
OP I'm not judging by the way, just putting myself in your fathers shoes. I think he should have allowed you make your own decisions and not put you in this position in the first place.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2013): Seriously though OP, don't bring your boyfriend. 7 years older and he didn't have the good sense not to get you pregnant, if I was your father I would destroy him in that moment. And I'm not just saying this as an accidental pregnancy OP, if you planned this with him and he 'stole your youth' by entertaining that notion and going along with it, my reaction would be even worse. At his age he should have known better would be my opinion and I'd want to make him pay in that moment, my anger would have to go somewhere, and no true story movie like moment of him being there and me respecting is that going to happen. More likely I'd want to remove his ability to make more children.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2013): Sit down and tell them both together. That's all you can do, everything after that is out of your hands. He's now 100% going to be a part of your life forever regardless of whether your relationship lasts. They may not accept that but there's nothing they can do to change it.
OP there is zero that will lighten the shock of this, you could bungee jump from the moon, give them a million bucks, their reaction is going to be the exact same. The only advice I can give you is to not take their initial reaction to heart, you know they'll probably explode, don't judge them for that or let it upset you, give it a while to sink in before you see what's really going to happen.
Whatever you do, do not be foolish enough to take your boyfriend with you, your father will want to knock him on his ass and probably will. Tell them, don't be too upset if they are and give them a few days then call over and talk again.
It'll help if you have a plan though OP, if you have a clear idea in your mind how life with a child is going to work and what both of you are going to do to prepare for this child.
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