A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I just found out I'm pregnant, however I'm not sure if my current boyfriend of five years in the father or a one night stand(I was really drunk that night celebrating my friend's birthday). The nest morning I took Plan B and I was told by the doctor that Plan B doesn't work if you're already pregnant. I had sex several times in January with my boyfriend and only once with the other guy. However, once I found I was pregnant I also discovered I was ovulating when I had the one night stand. What makes things worse is the fact that my boyfriend and have been having unprotected sex for three years and I never got pregnant. I really love my boyfriend and this was a terrible mistake, we've been discussing marriage lately and I'm so scared to tell him I'm pregnant and the baby may not be his. If I knew for sure the baby was his I'd keep it but I'm not sure. Should I just tell him I'm pregnant and not mention the one night stand? Or should I tell him I'm pregnant, mention the one night stand and the possibility of the child not being his? Please help! I really don't want to lose my boyfriend but I'd hate to have to abort my baby just to save this relationship. If I abort the baby I wouldn't mention anything to him at all, and this between us would remain the same.
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female
reader, AgonyAuntiee93  +, writes (11 February 2011):
Tell him! He really deserves to know. Tell him you were too drunk, you still truely love him, and that you needed to tell him.
Its the best thing for you, the baby and the boyfriend.
If you dont tell him however, you will deffo regret it.
Good luck, tell him and dont LIE !
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): If the legal system was fair to males in these situations then lying about paternity would get the mother a jail sentence. It is theft and betrayal of the worst kind and it should be treated as such.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2011): Honesty is the best course of action, for you, for the child, and for the boyfriend.If you lie, you will regret this for the rest of your life.If you have an abortion, you will regret this for the rest of your life.If you are honest, and stand up for yourself and tell the truth, and work through whatever happens, then you will be taking a path that will stand you well, understanding that it will be difficult, for the rest of your life.
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (8 February 2011):
I totally agree with CaringGuy, if you lie you will regret that endlessly. That would be a BIG mistake.
That I would say for any situation like yours. In your particular case there's big chances your boyfriend is not the father. You said you were having unprotected sex for three years and nothing happened, and you had the one night stand while ovulating. I think you are pretty sure things went wrong already.
You have to tell your boyfriend the whole truth and wait for a DNA test to be sure whether it's his baby.
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A
female
reader, Moragirl +, writes (8 February 2011):
Yes... u have to tell him... It isn't right to keep that kind of a secret!!!
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave +, writes (8 February 2011):
There is no way in hell that you'd be able to lie to your boyfriend and keep it secret for as long as you're together - nor would i recommend you do so either.
The only reason you're scared of telling him is because you've done wrong and the baby may not be his and you may get dumped as a result.
We all make mistakes in life - some bigger than others - and have to live by what we do whatever the consequences.
Telling him could end your relationship and the good things you had, but that's the risk you take, but that's the best way forward, and it may be something you can work on.
However, if you carry on in secret and he later finds out, you will definitely lose everything, because by then you've gone to the point of manipulation.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 February 2011):
Would you seriously consider lying to your boyfriend - the love of your life - about a child?
The days where a woman could lie about who was the father are running out.
DNA tests are more wildly available, meaning that if your boyfriend suspects at all, you will be busted.
If your baby becomes ill, the doctors might check genetics. If they do, they might check DNA. If they do, you will be busted.
What happens is the real father appears?
What happens if the child finds out?
Sorry, but if you have any respect for your boyfriend, your unborn child and yourself, you will admit that you're pregnant and you will let him make his decision. Do not try to hide this from him - I personally believe that the worst thing a woman can do to a man is lie about him being the father, and if asked nearly all men and women would say the same thing.
Tell him, live with the consequences. If you don't, at some point it will come back to bite you, and then you will have a man who walks out and a child who hates that you've lied.
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