A
female
age
41-50,
*racy002
writes:Hi I am 24 and I am aslo 10 weeks pregnant. I have been with my partner for only 4 months so got caught really quick - yes, we were both stupid. I had a termination last year at five months due to medical conditions and my current partner knows all about this but he still wants me to terminate. He says if I dont do it then we will split up as he is not ready for kids, but he already has two from a previous relationship and they are three years old. I am finding it hard to deal with and I don't know what to do because I love this guy so much and I have never been this happy. Please help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): Hi, i completely understand how you feel. My BF stuck by me however, but i was still pressured in to having an abortion by his family and i am still struggling to come to terms with it now after 18 months. Also, my body is mucked up and i cant help but think was it worth it? the answer is no its not. if you want to ahve this baby, tell him to get lost and sort his life out, if he is fathering children all over the place and ignoring responsibility then you don't want to waste your time on him. Either way i wish you the best of luck in the decision you make
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2008): Gosh. I am surprised that there are so many women out there with partners who have had this reaction. My partner also asked me to terminate even though I am in my 30s and he is in his 40s. A first child for both of us. But this child was deemed inconvenient because we were thinking of having some time apart. After 4 years together it's ridiculous. What has happened to our society that men are not willing to face up to their responsibilities and seem to want to take their childishness out on us? Anyway. Nothing doing. I am now 13 weeks and he has gone from saying he will despise me and the child to trying to be involved. However. This is a difficult situation because his actions have resulted in a loss of love and trust and respect for him from me. The result of turning on me in that way. All my friends want me to tell him to leave, but now he is making an effort I feel I can't take away the chance for him to enjoy having a child, even though he was ready to remove that joy from me.
I feel like I have to simply think of just me and the baby now - we have a support structure of extended family and friends, but in this relationship I feel we are alone. That's the survival feeling.
Termination will most probably ruin the relationship anyway. Not to terminate may also have this effect because we as women will be looking at these men differently now. Not in as good a light. Which I think my other half is certainly aware of. Life. It Is Precious. Whether we are baby or adult.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008): I am in your exact situation. I'm 24 yrs old & 10 weeks along in my pregnancy. I'm not going to tell you what to do, one way or the other, but I will tell you my story. I had only been seeing the father for about 2 months when I got pregnant. We weren't in a serious relationship, but possibly heading that way. He was very excited when he found out about the baby for a few weeks, then reality hit home. We discussed abortion. I even went to a clinic, but couldn't do it. He was EXTREMELY angry- lots of yelling, cussing, & name-calling. Long story short, he's decided that he doesn't want me or this baby. I have decided to do this without him. I have a very strong support system as far as friends & family. I hope you have the same. I think that if you abort this child & aren't completely on-board with the idea, & continue the relationship, there will always be a certain amount of hostility towards him, which won't help either of you. Please keep in mind that, even if you aren't ready for the baby, someone else is.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008): I am 28 and 6 weeks pregnant. My partner also wants me to terminate. We have been to gether for 3 years.
I was pregnant when I was 24 engaged to a different person and happy he also wanted me to terminate, so I did. It ruined our relation ship and made us lose respect for each other. You can raise this child on your own if he will not stand by your side. There are a ton of resources to help women like us.
I struggle with my abortion every day it was the hardest most painful decesion of my life.I regret it every day. You should do what's in your heart.You will find love again but nothing will bring your baby back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007): hay,
Iam in the same boat but i havnttold my partner, iam 21 and he is 40 there is no way he wants a child - i was pregnant to my fiance last year and terminated to make him happy, iam not sure if i could do it again, but i am hardly in a position to take care of a child on my own.. for the rest of my life... not to mention my family will disown me etc etc.
but at the end of the day do whats right for youand ur uborn child if u cant give it what it needs maybe you shouldnt have it?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2007): I am currently in the same situation. My partner and I have been friends for almost 12 years, dating for almost 2 years. I am pregnant, it was not planned, but I'm pregnant nonetheless. I've decided to have my baby and he wants nothing to do with me. He told me he would resent the child if I had it. He even said that our "friendship" would never recover if I forced this child on him. I told him that it was best if he stay out of my life because I don't need his negativity. Good luck with whatever decision that you make, just know that either way, your decision will be with your for the rest of your life.
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A
female
reader, calleyrb +, writes (31 October 2007):
Hi I was and still am in the same situation as you.im pregnant and my partner is changing his mind whether he wants it or not. The only thing I can say is think long and hard about what you want??? your bloke may stay or he may leave you whatever you decide and even if he stays for a while you could end up on your own in a few years. You need to decide if you want this baby on your own if you can manage? It can be done I was a single parent for three years and i built a career and a home for me and my son and even moved to a new area on my own yes it was hard but having him in my life has been so rewarding.I have decided to keep my baby but i have a friend who is in a similar situation too and has had a termination and both of those choices were right for us. whatever you decide dont rush into it think long and hard dont let anyone make the decision for you because you have to live with it either way and noone can say whether its right or wrong. Im sorry i cant help more i wish you all the best and men can change there minds more often than there socks
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2007): babys arent asked to be made. Im almost positive that at your age you know this so my best advice is tell him to go play in traffic. if he cant man up to his reponsibilites then you dont need him period. It will be hard but you both brought this unpon yourselves i say keep the baby.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2007): really, why in the hell would you be so stupid as to get pregnant again when you've already had an abortion, if you're not ready for a child & it wasn't planned? This is very ignorant behavior, especially for a 24 year old. You're not a child anymore, I would advise you to grow up & make smarter choices in life. It may be better to give the baby up, or to terminate because you obviously don't have your head on straight enough to raise the baby, and the baby's father sounds like a real loser. He has 2 kids already & is going around having unprotected sex, then expecting you to kill it for his convenience? What a piece of work.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2007): Hun, you have made a child with a man who has made it clear he doesn't want to be a father. Sex is a very serious act and nature got the jump on you both and here you are, pregnant. Did he not understand this concept when he had sex with you? He was just as 100% responsible as you were for, ensuring that a pregnancy didn't take place. He wants you to abort and you don't. I don't blame you..abortions should never be a form of birth control and they are emotionally painful situations to endure, not to mention the physical hardships, a woman's body goes through.
You may need to decide which painful choice is more bearable for you. The baby or this bf. I am disturbed by his behaviors. To have threatened you with "leaving" you and this baby, should tell you a lot of information about the inherent quality of his character. He does not sound like a committed, loving mature man in your life. Stop and think about 'who' he really, really is and what he is asking of you? Is this the act of a man who loves a woman? . There is many a man who has accidentally made a baby with a woman, and he's stepped up to the plate, taken responsibility and committed himself fully, to her and the child. This is not your bf. So I have to ask you, how much are you willing to sacrifice in order to be with such a man?
My advice? I think you don't want to endure another abortion and I don't blame you. Tell your bf you are keeping the child and see, what he does. You will have to make this decision based on your lifestyle and whether you are prepared to be a single Mom or not. If you cannot raise this child, an 'open adoption' is another option. If you do decide to keep the child and he doesn't stick around, then I suggest you seek legal counseling because he will have financial obligations to this child for the next 18 years. Seek help and supoport from from family and friends, right now. You need it. Stay healthy and be strong. Take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2007): don't worry, i know exactly how you feel, as I am in the same boat as you. But just think about it, if he says he doesn't want you to have this baby,he's not going to be there if you do decide to keep it. You have to make a decision on wether you want this child or not, without your partner in the picture, take him completely out of your mind. In the long run, he may not be there if u had the abortion, and he wont be there if you keep this child. so whatever decision you make, make it on your own, and just brace yourself for him not being there, it's the best way. I did, and it's worked out fine for me x I hope this helps a little x
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A
female
reader, dafni  +, writes (7 October 2007):
 omg!!!!are you crazy?????you will kill your baby just because your partner wants it??if you want your baby,keep it.nobody should tell you what to do with it.it's yours!if he doesn't want it,do you think he is worth being with him?your baby is a human being now,if you kill it you are a murderer...i know i could never do it...
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A
female
reader, gaelicgurl2479  +, writes (7 October 2007):
 Terminate? Well, at eleven weeks your unborn child already has eyelashes and fingernails and toenails...Your child is a perfectly formed living human being already. would you kill your baby after birth? I hope not. Im sorry if i speak strongly, but this is something that i am very passionate about. As an adopted child, i realize that my mother, who was only 17, had the choice to terminate. She didn't, and now I am here answering your question.also, abortions harm your body, and have been known to cause endometriosis and uterine rupture...keep the child. Life over a relationship any day.If this guy is telling you,to terminate, he's not worth your time.God Bless, and good Luck.Kat
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2007): I truly feel for your struggle and your situation. I have been in the exact same situation myself, so I understand. The first thing I have to say is going to be really hard to hear, but it's this. This experience is very intense for such a new relationship. I take it that you want to have the baby. If your BF doesn't, then he is probably not in love with you (even if he says he is) and will likely not stay with you no matter what you do. A man who genuinely loves you would tell you that he would support whatever decision you make. However he treats the mother of his other children is likely the same treatment/support you can expect from him. You need to decide what you want to do, for yourself. Because you are the one who will have to live with it either way. This is really hard and so if you have family who love you, I strongly advise turning to them for support, you need it now. I wish you all the best, and I send you a big warm hug because I know how hard it is.
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A
female
reader, Lila +, writes (7 October 2007):
 It's too late for him to decide that he doesn't want to have kids. If after 2 he was done he should have been fixed. He has no right to ask you to abort,you don't need his permission to abort so why would you need his consent to keep the baby. I was 22 when I found out I was preg.to a guy I'd been dating for only 4 months so I know how you feel. I'm sure this was meant to be,and that there is some cosmic meaning for it all. You can do this with or without his help I promise you. Feel free to sent message,best of luck to you an your child. Peace.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (6 October 2007):
 I know you say you love him, but honestly how can you love someone that could try and make you chose between him and your unborn child, he is using emotional blackmail on you and if he can do that now what's to stop him doing that in the future to get his own way, he is manipulative and if i were you i would get away from him now babe.
Take care.xx.
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (6 October 2007):
Split up with this guy, he doesn't love you and he is just using you. His past record should have clued you in. I suggest you seek help from a religious welfare group on how to make the best life possible for your baby. Adoption may be best. Don't make the same mistake 3 times. What are you doing with your life?
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