A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i have been separated for a year and a half. i met a bloke 4 months ago, he swept me off my feet. I didn't know what real love felt like until i met him. 2 months into the relationship i fell pregnant. at first he seemed happy about it, we agreed that we wouldn't tell anyone for a couple of months. i couldn't keep my mouth shut and told my 2 teenage children, who are fine about it. this bloke now does not want to know anything about the baby. he has ended the relationship saying he wants to travel the world, and his plan had been for me to go with him when my kids had left home. he has an 18 year old daughter and feels like he had to give up his youth to support his ex wife and also he worked on the family farm from being very young. he is a decent bloke really. any suggestions as to what i should do? i am keeping the baby, an abortion is out of the question.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2007): Sweety, Whatever his reason for asking you not to tell others of this pregnancy, it's obvious this 'decent bloke' doesn't want fatherhood. Making a baby is the responsibility of two people. So I am questioning his decency and integrity as a good man, since he has bailed from this relationship to forgo all his responsibilities to you and his baby. If abortion is out of the question, you need to be strong for this child. Accept you may possibly be raising this child alone, as a single Mom. I suggest you go and visit a solicitor and find out what needs to be done to having this fellow pay you child support. He'll be owing you for the next 18 years. It doesn't matter if he has an ex and other family to support. Your priority is your unborn child and that needs to be dealt with. Be strong, hun and my heart goes out to you. Take care.
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (19 January 2007):
 It sounds like he knew you wouldn't be able to keep the news to yourself and is using the fact that you told your kids as an excuse when really, he never wanted the baby at all. He's using this now to guilt trip him. You say you want to keep the baby and I think that's great, plus with two teenaged kids you won't be a single mum. I was 13 when my sister was born and now she's 9 she says it feels like she has three parents. I'm totally willing to help out with her and I'm sure your kids will help you too. Tell your husband you will be having this baby and he will be financially supporting it. You can't stop him going travelling but to be honest, from what you've said, you don't want to stay with a man who is going to treat you so badly anyhow, love or not.
CD
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A
female
reader, AngelofLove +, writes (19 January 2007):
 He is using you telling teenagers as an excuses and being very shelfish about it.
If he did not want the responsibility he should have been more careful as well.
You owe it to each other to have a talk about this, support each other as the baby is coming!
Hope things work out for you.
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A
female
reader, Clarey +, writes (19 January 2007):
 The fact that you have told your children may not be the real problem. Quite often people wait 3 months because that is the point at which progression of the pregnancy is more established.
I think he wanted to wait so that he could have time to think. Making it public means he has to be happy, or not, because other people knowing means he has to express a view about it. Maybe he was not sure that he was happy and was trying to wrestle with the ambivalent feelings he has about it. Now he can't contemplate in private, it is all out there. Panic has set in.
It is not likely that you will be going anywhere, so let him go on his trip. You don't have much choice, do you? Putting pressure on him will only make things worse and he will run further away. There is a slim chance perhaps that he will come back once he has had his free time.
Perhaps he would agree to keep in touch, you can at least try to establish some trust and friendship, some contact for the baby with its father.
He will be liable to help you financially as well, another reason for him to panic. He did not choose this, he needs time to adapt to the situation and let you know how much he can commit to it, or not. The best thing you can do is help him calm down and not see this as a trap. If you can!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2007): It sounds to me like he has used telling your children as a means to get out of the relationship, it must have been on his mind before that incident happened. You must be heartbroken to love him and know that he doesn't feel the same way. I think it is terrible really that a man can not face his responsiblities and go "travel the world" - how nice for him(!).
Maybe your boyfriend did give up his youth to support his child, and perhaps now would have been his time that he could put himself first but obviously your pregnancy changes everything. He needs to accept that fact.
It sounds like you may have to bring this child up without him? Or perhaps he just hasn't accepted that he is going to be a dad again and is panicing. He might not go travelling, he may change his attitute and realise that he can't leave you and his unborn baby alone, you never know. If you are sure he is a decent guy then there is even more chance that he won't just leave.
Try and keep the communication between you open, and, personally I think if he does love you, he'll do the right thing by you.
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