A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Okay so I think I'm pregnant and I'm petrified. I still live at home with my parents and I have a long term boyfriend but we're both at university and if I tell him I'm pregnant I don't want him to drop out even though I'll have to because I don't want to ruin his life but then I don't want to lose him either. I don't know whether to keep the baby but I always feel like if I didn't (abortion or adoption) I would regret it for the rest of my life. I know other girls who have had children at my age or younger (including my aunt) and they said it was the best thing that ever happened to them even though they didn't think that at the time. I'm not enjoying university and although I would be upset to leave and have wasted £9000 on no degree in the end I just am so scared. I have no way to support the child and I know my parents would help but how far back is this going to set me? If I have a child and raise it then I may as well forget about any plans I had for the future because everything will change.Please I'm so scared to tell anyone (I haven't told my parents or boyfriend or even my closest friends) and I'm at the age where I could get an abortion without permission from my parents but is that what I should do? Someone please help me
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male
reader, Denizen +, writes (26 January 2016):
 In the months ahead you will need support. Your body has been programmed to expect a baby and suddenly it isn't going to happen. I am certain you made the right call. In the coming months be kind to yourself. Your boyfriend probably won't appreciate the psychological difficulties you may face. If you need more support make sure there is someone to talk to. Don't feel alone.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys just giving an update. Thanks for all the helpful answers you gave, I did read them even though I didn't reply. I decided to abort the baby, I told my boyfriend and he thought that was the best option so that's what I did. Thanks for all the things you said everyone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2016): abort or adopt honestly, if you are unsure or uncomfortable with having a child then those are your two options, it will be better in the long run because you don't have to hold resentment and take it out on the child. you won't regret abortion, though with the withdrawal of the hormones after the procedure will have you as emotional as if you were on your menses, and if adoption is a choice there is always open adoption- where the family keeps in contact with you for the child. good luck. and to other people who answer- I hope they don't keep giving the horrible stigma that abortion ruins your mentality and that you *have* to keep the child. in an ideal patriotical misogynistc world a woman would be happy under any circumstance and pop out a child and be perfect maternal no matter what is happening in her life but no, this is the real world- you are your own person- you do not have to be harassed into a flawed ideology that you must stop everything in order to serve a life you're unsure of don't want to.
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A
female
reader, signlike  +, writes (8 January 2016):
You can't just dictate what's best for your boyfriend. He has every right to decide if he wants to stay in school or go to work. Have you considered he might actually be excited about becoming a father (terrified too no doubt, but I'd be worried if he wasn't); or if he's not immediately, may be someday? If he isn't and wants to break up with you -- well, why do you want to stay with a guy like that? I get it, you're scared, he's scared, but he's just as much responsible as you. If he's the type to scram when the going gets tough... was he really the one?Counselors are alright and all especially when you don't have ANYONE to talk to, but they wouldn't really know you like your family and friends do, and you wouldn't know anything about them. Is there not one person you already know whom you can talk to about this? Maybe not even a super close friend just someone trustworthy and on the wiser, more mature side. Can you think of anyone, even in the passing?I don't have much to say except this: I've known a few women who've had abortions. It's something that really sticks with you years down the line. Whatever decision you make, please don't make it hasty and out of fear because it doesn't just go away. Think of your future, wiser self, what is she telling you to do?You can make it through this, you can figure it out. Many people have before you and many will after. Love and best wishes, please keep us updated.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2016): I'm confused... you say that you THINK you are pregnant? Are you sure? You need to go to the doctor right away and have them tell you whether you are actually pregnant. If you are really pregnant, you need to know this for many reasons, one of which is the baby's health.
First of all, calm down... yeah, easier said than done, I know. You made a mistake, but it was an honest mistake and the damage is done, it's futile to agonize over what you should have done. Now abortion is not the only option... neither is raising the kid. What about putting it up for adoption?
If you're not in a position to give your child everything, it may be a million times better off with a family that has the resources and emotional stability to love and provide for it.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (7 January 2016):
You need to face up to this and quickly. Arrange an appointment at the Brook Advisory Clinic. They are in Birmingham and London. Don't delay. Time is of the essence.
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A
female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (7 January 2016):
what do you mean you think you are pregnant?? first.. take a test and confirm it.. then you can go ahead and think further....
I do suggest that after confirming, first you will have to decide for yourself if you are ready to have a child.. whether u like it or not... u r going to HAVE to tell your bf. it's as much his right to know as yours. You can decide together. And if you're saying your family is supportive, you are very lucky.. talk to them.. they might be able to guide u better.
In the end, it's what you decide though.
Good luck n stay calm :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2016): I would definitely get an abortion. Children are costly to raise, both physically on your funds and mentally on your emotions. My sister wasn't even lucky enough to get to college before she had her own kid. She dropped out halfway through her last year of high school. She said that if there was anything she could do differently about it, she would push back her pregnancy another two years.
I strongly advise not keeping the baby, it will be horrible on your future if you don't graduate as you will not be able to get a job as easily nor pursue a career.
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