A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Yesterday my husband came away from a childs party to use his fake vagina, which i never knew he had. I know this will seem like a pathetic reason to be upset but i just cant help feeling insecure and disgusted. Weve been together for over 11 years, we have a 3yr old and im now 3 months pregnant with our second. Over the past few weeks ive been ill and in alot of pain so sex hasnt been a priority and i thought he understood. When i asked him why he got one he threw it in my face that 'i wasnt giving him any so get over it'. I now feel pressurised into making sure we have sex however many times a week in order to satisfy him, which is breaking me as i was raped as a teen and have since always had intamacy issues and insecuritites with things like porn/toys ect, which he is well awake of. The other thing that is now playing on my mind - which i was over, is the fact that 4 months before we married i discovered he was looking for hook ups on pof website. The only reason we are still together is because i trust he didnt/hasnt cheated. Now im wondering if i will ever be enough and i will always doubt him while he is away (he is a serving soldier so he can be away for long periods of time). I feel like im being unreasonable and justified at the same time with being angry but i have No idea what to do or how to approach the situation.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 September 2017):
 It never seems to be an issue when women use vibrators but as soon as its a man it becomes an issue. Honestly I don't understand what the issue is with it at all if you where not in the mood for sex, it is not like he turned you down for the sex toy, he just uses it for a release, maybe it is your hormones but you are over reacting here.
As for the profile, well that is different actively looking for women online for a hook up is wrong, and well I would never have forgiven that, especially four months before we got married.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2017): Why do men use lame excuses like oh it's better than cheating for when they do something that hurts a woman .
Can men only really have two choices ? Use porn sex toys etc of cheat
Why can't they just be faithful and use their own hands . Is it really so
Hard for men to be decent human beings ?
When men use the line 'would you rather he cheats ' they make
Their whole gender sound like dogs who can't control themselves
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2017): Frankly I dont see a problem here. You are pregnant and not feeling well enough to have sex so he has turned to masturbation to release himself and he is using a silly piece of rubber to rub himself in place of his hand. Isnt it much safer than going to a prostitute or taking up a mistress?.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (26 September 2017):
 Sometimes you have to turn the tables around and put your hubby in your shoes.
Ask him straight up..."I am thinking of getting a profile on POF after I have the baby. Just wanted to run it by you to see if it's okay?"
When he gets mad, you say "Oh, I did think you would care. After all, you don't mind doing it to me. Besides, I need a man who knows how to treat his wife, like HIS wife...and not like a sex toy."
He can be away for long periods...GOOD!!! You make him feel like you are waiting for the opportunity to cheat on him as well. WHY??? Because your hubby has a very big EGO. Nothing humbles a man more, than when he feels that some other man is about to invade his territory. When he feels you are just sitting at home being a wife, then the macho man feels he has the upper hand.
Do not forget the power women have over men.
Buy a dildo...and just leave it around for him to see. When he ask you about it, just say "Oh my husband thinks a fake vagina is better than mine, so...maybe this fake penis will be better than his."
It's not about starting a war...it's about making him think...right now... all he thinks about is himself.
You cannot change a man, but you can teach him.
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