A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:(I NEED MENS ADVICE mostly) i am 3 months pregnant. abortion is not a option and my bf is at uni he hasnt spoken to me since i told him which was 2 weeks ago he has deleted me of myspace, facebook and wont talk to me he puts his phone voicemail wont reply to any of my texts i dont wanna do this alone be4 i found out i got pregnant we talked about having kids i need to know what to do what you would do in this situation im really dont wanna do this on my own im really scared and feel weak and depressed all the time ive been crying alot and am so confused. My family all live in ireland and i have nobody really. We really loved each other or so i thought i guess i need some advice. and what u would need if this happened to you. I dont get how he can just leave me like that. His mates tell me to move on and to do it all PLEASE HELP PLEASE (he is in his last year in uni) i have no idea wht to do !! xx soz for going on
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female
reader, heatheruth  +, writes (12 December 2014):
Am also 3 months pregnant though my boyfriend did not ask me to terminate but told me to keep the pregnancy and he will support me only if the born baby will look like him so am alone in this but i opened up to my mom and she is giving me all the advice i need to go through it without him. Be strong for your baby my dear all will be okey
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2009): I am in the similar position. my bf went to the first appointment when we found out i was 6 weeks pregnant and he broke up with me 3 days later. it hurts a lot when i think about it, so i try not to. i am in my 17th week now and he still isn't a part, but he wants to know what it is going to be. focus on that baby, you will be able to feel it soon and we can talk about it if you want.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2009): Gosh I sympathise with anyone in this situation. I recently found out I was pregnant and it was a massive shock, I am on the pill and thought I was being carful with my new partner yet it would appear that the fist time we did it... aI got pregnant! The chances of that?! So Ive been seeing this guy for a month and thought he was a really nice guy and that he would be supportive so I told him. Expecting him to see me through the whole thing..How wrong could I be!! His reaction was to totally push me away and reject me. He has made the whole thing a lot worse, our chances of a relationship has faded completely. He told me he was freaked out, couldnt deal with it and couldnt give me the support I needed. Now I had no intention of going ahead with the pregnancy, its not right for me in my life right now to have a child and certainly not with a man I have only known a month! His reaction to the whole thing confimed that he was not someone I want to be involved with. Im heartbroken at his rejection at a time when I need him most, part of me now wishes I hadnt have told him, but then his nasty character would have only come out at a later date so I have done myself a favour in the long run! I feel hurt angry and upset by the whole thing. On the positive I am a stronger wiser person for the experiance. I have just had my termination and it wasnt so bad. Just like taking the morning after pill, as I was only 4 weeks pregnant, even I think if you are further along, it isnt someonthing you should be afraid to do. I would urge anyone who god forbids finds themself in my situation to seak help, tell you best friend or your mum or another female you trust. She will not judge you but help you and give you the support you need. Trust me its better to go through an abortion than have the rest of your life ruined by the a-hole that got you pregnant. He will never change or be there for you. Get him out of your life and give yourself the chance you deserve to move on and find someone nice who will make you truely happy. Now as for me, I will be ok. I can now move on get on with my life and be happy. He will always be an arsehole and I pitty the woman he ends up with. I really hope he looks back and feels really ashamed of himself for how he has treated me, its a guilt that will eat away at him and will always be there. He will have to live with what he did and trust me he will think about it and he will feel bad, it may not be today or next week but one day he will. I ask any woman in this situation to be strong, do the right thing by you and dont let a man do this to you. Yes its going to hurt for a while but you will be ok. I promise. Not all guys are arseholes either, there are some really good ones out there, unfortunately the age old saying you have to kiss a lot of frogs is very true! but for everyone that hurts you there is another out there that will love you more for it. Karma ladies its gonna be good to us all in the end Good luck xxxx
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A
female
reader, abbeysoto92  +, writes (6 February 2009):
I'm going through the same thing. And I don't know what to do im Sixteen years old and turning seventeen next month. I skipped my period to only realize I was pregnant. My boyfriend of a year and seven months basically walked out on me. HE denied the baby being his and told his parent's I was lying. What's worse is he emailed me saying he loved me and he'd be with me forever just to get rid of it. Of course I won't do that. Yes, I am a teen and i'm very young and not ready to be a mom. Im confused and I don't know what to do. I cry all the time just thinking of him and our memories. THE way he used to whisper, laugh, touch, and play with me. HE was unlike any other boy. Infact I was his first kiss his first everything! I know people are giving you advice to just move on and be satisfied with your baby. BUT IT IS NOT THAT EASY. I want this boy to be part of my babies life it is unfair that HE is scotch free while i'm paying for this. WHAT hurts worse is Im in love with him! i love him so much and his parents forbid us to see eachother. MY parents dont know about me being pregnant im only like a month and a few weeks. I think he loves me still. HES just not ready. HE TOLD ME HE LOVED me he just couldn't talk to me cause of his parents what do I DO? girl we are in the same situation. WHEN I read this i was like awww she's just like me. I hope it makes you feel a little bit better i know exactly how YOU feel. you cant just move on even thought we know the guys bad for us. WE KNOW It. WE JUST can't face it. im lost tooo . tell me how things turn out for you. please im a teenager lost and in love and heartbroken.
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A
female
reader, Rebecky  +, writes (29 June 2008):
 I know this may seem like a long-shot, but all is not lost. Consider the fact that you are three months into your pregnancy, and since you are keeping the baby, why not rejoice in that fact?
Just think, in six months, a tiny bundle of joy, a miracle from God will be given to you! Someone to love and care for - someone who will love you back, unconditionally!
Out of the bad comes something good: your boyfriend and your child's father is not a good person and he did not give you the love you deserve, so make this an opportunity to have an amazing, solid, healthy, loving relationship with your baby. This is your chance to truly step up and be an amazing mom - give your child double the love, the love your boyfriend could never give.
Do research, seek out support groups involving single moms so you can meet other people in similar situations and make friends. Trust me, there are plenty of single moms out there. And they are absolute heroes!
This is your chance to move on and focus on your baby. Then, later in life, you can concentrate on meeting a new man who will meet your standards and love both you and your child.
Keep your spirits up and good luck. I know you can do it!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): i already hav a 3 year old t someone i was with 4 years he left me coz he wasnt ready t b a dad iv jst found out im pregnant again this time t someone different hes done the same jst up an left me for the same reason my previous partner did so im in a worse situation an arnt sure what t do
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A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (11 June 2008):
 I think the guys who have answered have given good advice - I agree, you have to stop thinking this guy will be back - you need to try and focus on that unborn child now. I know it is very hard - you're heartbroken and scared, but your stress levels can affect that baby's development...so you need to be thinking about self care now.
I think going back to your family is probably a good idea - you don;t have to go and live at home and feel like a failure etc,...but you will need support in the coming months and especially once the baby arrives.
You need to face up to what has happened - it's not what you had in mind for your future, it will be hard to tell people what has happened perhaps, but it doesn't have to be all bad. You will soon have a beautiful child who will bring much joy to your life - and you need to get ready to be the best mum you can be.
I think seeking avice and assistance from your government is a must, the financial side of things is something you will need to address asap. Yes, this guy will be legally responsible to pay some child support - but like one of the posters said, I wouldn;t be relying on that as your only means of income!!
I would also look at linking in with some support group for mum's without partners during pregnancy (maybe through the local maternity hospital) or speaking with a counsellor yourself - pregnancy is a very emotional and anxiety providing time even without what you have gone through...
if you truly don;t feel ready to be a mum you should look at your other options - there are so many couples out ther unable to have their own children who would love your child if you chose adoption.
I think you should talk with someone you trust...your mum? A best mate?
Just an aside...your BF's reaction seems quite extreme to me (deleting you from facebook etc...erasing you from his life basically)..it sounds like he is VERY angry with you and blaming you solely for the pregnancy. Does he by any chance feel you knowingly got yourself pregnant without his consent?? I've heard the term "conception deception" used to describe this. I'm not accusing you - but if that is what he thinks it will greatly affect how he will deal with the whole situation/ with you from now on etc.
I hope it all works out for you and especially for that little baby! Take care of yourself.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (11 June 2008):
 Hi there,
sorry to see you end up like this.
I dare say in the interim you cannot expect this man to help you get through your pregnancy. So you are going to have to get used to making your own future plans without him.
The first thing you need to do is go to the social services and tell them that you are pregnant and the father is unwilling to accept his responsibilities. They will tell you what you need to do. At the very least he is going to have to support you financially - he may be able to run away from you but he will find it a damn sight harder to run away from the government.
As for your boyfriend, well what can I say, I'm sure he was all so confident when bragging about how he would love to have kids while he was having unprotected sex with you. But you did allow him so he is not entirely to blame for you getting pregnant ( but there is not point now looking back and thinking why did I do that?).
Basically he has shown his true colours, and you are now paying the price for very poor judgement. A boy about to graduate college will unlikely want to get tied down with family commitments so I think he will never want to be with you, you just have to make sure he pays his share.
If I were you , after visiting the social services I would contact my family in Ireland and see if you can go back and stay with them while you go through your pregnancy. You are very vulnerable at the moment and without your loser boyfriend to help, you need to rely on family and friends. So in the interim it might be an idea to go spend the time with people who genuinely care about you.
good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): This guy sounds like a real asshole. I hate men who won't live up to their responsibilities. They should be chained to the wholse situation and lawfully unable to move, or not be a father until the day that child turns 18.
You may need to get the law involved if this jackhole insists on running away like a pussy. Because that child will one day wonder who it's father is, and the child will resent it if you won't give the answer.
He's bound to want a DNA test so have this done by law and get as much money as he is SUPPOSED to provide and only let him see the child when he is willing to participate in it's life.
Oh and choose a batter boyfriend next time.
Flynn 24
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): I know you asked for advice from men, but cannot help to give you my input.I am dealing with single mothers almost daily, life for them is very seldom easy.Unless you have a strong support system from your family or your boyfriends family,Your options are very basic:AbortionAdoptionOr Single MomI urge you......think and think and think again!And remember in future.....about birth control honey.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (10 June 2008):
 It is a tale as old as time and you would think that in this day and age of readily available birth control methods it would happen less, but no.
Did he really love you? Yup, so much that at the first sign of trouble he ran. You got some growing up to do girl. "We really loved each other" is fine for teen girls crying over the boy that dumped them, it doesn't belong with soon to be single mothers.
If abortion is not an option then being a single mom or putting the child up for adoption remain. I wouldn't put much hope in him coming back. It could happen, but even if he did, so what? You would have a partner you know runs away at the first sign of trouble. Do you really want to raise a family with a person like that?
You might still make claims for child support but considering his age I won't be counting on much.
Basically, you are a young single mother to be. Seek out what help is available for you from your government and what you family can mean in terms of support.
Yeah Dr Pete might have a point that he just needs time, but babies don't work like that. You really don't have the time/energy to both raise a small child and deal with a partner who still needs to grow up.
Best of luck and if it is a daughter, get her on birth control at gunpoint when she starts walking unless you want to be a young grandmother as well.
Do I sound harsh? Well, as you are going to be finding out, that is life. Half a year from now you are going to be responsible for another life. For years to come. Seek help for single mothers, there is plenty.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): Hey
Unplanned pregnancies and "big" events can cause men to run away for a while, it's how they can think about the situation. Whilst it is true that some guys can break all contact and never come back, you do say that you really loved each other and that you even discussed having children together - that has got to count for something.
I think you need to give your boyfriend a little more time to see if he makes contact, but you also need to start accepting that it is possible that he will not be around in either the near future, or ever.
You really do need to find some people close to you who can support you through this. Do you not have any friends nearby that can help you through this? A pregnancy is a touch experience for anyone, but especially for someone as young as yourself and you can't do it without any support at all.
You need to realistically think of your options; if your boyfriend is not coming back, then what about going back home to Ireland? Will you have more support there? There are going to be a lot of sacrifices and choices you wouldn't have ordinarily have made but the important thing is to choose what is best for you, and for your child.
I have seen friends your age choose to have a child and be a mum, they went in very different directions in life but those that seemed to make it well were those who had support, strength and commitment to doing their very best.
It is natural that you are feeling depressed and are crying a lot, you have a lot to deal with, but I think over the coming weeks when you decide about your boyfriend and what to do over the next 9 months, things will start to seem more certain. I know it is difficult now but I am sure that things will turn out for the best, try and have some faith if you can.
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