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female
age
36-40,
*onfused69960
writes: Hi, Im new here and i was just looking for some help. Iam 20 and i already have 2 children one 5 and one almost 2.. i just find out im pregnant and i thought i knew what i was gonna do (abortion) but now im not sure... my boyfriend has always been there for me but he says that we can not have this baby it would be too hard for us. He wont leave me if i do decide to keep it but he will just be very angry with me for a long time. The other thing is im worried about what my family will say and people around me i have been judge my whole life and i really dont wanna hear it anymore! Im so confused and running out of time.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2007): It's a life, not a choice. There are no accidents. Things happen for a reason. Consider adoption instead of abortion. There are wonderful, loving couples out there who have tried everything to get pregnant and want a child so badly they would do anything. And as far as your boyfriend being angry at you for a long time....so what! He'll get over it! Contraception isn't just the responsibility of the woman!!!!
A
female
reader, forgetmenot +, writes (3 January 2007):
 I'm going to begin by saying I'm pro-choice but I think that abortions can be incredibly difficult emotionally on the mother (possibly the father too but I've only ever discussed this with women who've had abortions and have never had the oppurtunity to discuss it with men who've been part of a decision for an abortion so I really don't know what way it effects them) and are probably best advoided where at all possible because of the pain and stress they cause. It's very very hard to put the fact that there was a baby growing inside you that you chose to stop their oppurtunity for life. It's a very difficult thing to live with and can lead to depression.
I know I've never been in a serious relationship anything close to the relationship between husband and wife but I just don't think that you having an abortion that you don't really know if you want because you're husband is saying he'll be angry is something that's going to be good for the relationship. I think you'd end up resenting him unless you make this decision for yourself.
I don't know what country you live in or anything but I know that where I live there are confidential helplines that are pro-choice that will help you go through all your options fully and I'd say they have something similar in most countries since abortion isn't even legal where I live. Family planning centers would probably have info around the issue too to help you decide. It's a huge decision, just make sure you look at all your options. If you wouldn't feel right having an abortion but can't afford to keep the child there is always the option of giving it up for adoption. Yes it has it's stresses too and is very difficult but if abortion doesn't sit right with you it's another option and that way you know the child is at least alive somewhere. Whatever you choose getting information from somewhere like the family planning center is always helpful. Sometimes free counciling is offered to help you make a decision. Go check out what information is out there for you. Bet of luck with it anyway and hope whichever choice you make is right for you :)
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A
female
reader, confused69960 +, writes (3 January 2007):
confused69960 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni just wanted to say thanks for the comments.. and i was on birth control im not dumb i have been on it for 2 years now it is not 100% i have already spoken to my doctor about the odds.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2007): Hi, well i really feel for you. This is never an easy decision but you said you had decided and it was an abortion. I am not for or again abortions, they are up to the individual. Never would i condemn! If he had wanted the baby and you have decided on the abortion then you have a dilema but now i see it as he is backing you for the abortion. I think you both need to sit down and really talk this over completely. You are only 20, have a 5 year old and a one nearly 2. You have your family now, another one will be hard going, but not impossible, but it is not up to me to sway you. That decision has to come from the both of you. Please don't beat yourself up when you do come to the decision. Please keep in touch and let us know how your decision went.
Take care and lots of hugs and love
xx
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (3 January 2007):
 Sigh...another unplanned pregnancy in a world of free birth control. But as to your problem, do not have an abortion unless you are 100% sure that is what you really want. Your boyfriend will get over being angry eventually plus he's equally in this so don't let him forget it. Things have a way of working out moneywise so don't sweat the small stuff.
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (3 January 2007):
 I don't believe in abortion, so I won't jump on that bandwagon.
Your boyfriend is half responsible for getting you in the "family way", so he has the responsibility of supporting you and your child. If he plans on being angry for a long time, I'd make sure he paid child support as the door hits him in the ass on the way out.
Now to you. I'm not going to pile on, but you need to consider birth control. A tubal ligation might be in order. Or abstinence.
Good luck!
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