A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm almost 19 and I've been with my bf since the summer when we met at a festival and turns out he lives only a couple of miles away from me. Its sort of a semi-serious relationship we have. Anyhow we spend most of our time off our faces on drugs, since that is how we met. But I found out about 3 weeks ago that I am pregnant (roughly about 10wks now)and I stopped taking everything and even quit smoking. We went out on thursday and I wouldnt take any drugs so he spiked my drink with bubble and I ended up taking myself to hospital and kept in over night on a drip. But now he is blaming me and I feel asif it is my fault becuase I never told him that I am pregnant.I didnt tell him becuase I was scared about what his reaction would be and because I'm still only in the early stages I was worried about miscarriage.We are not together at the moment, and my head is everywhere about the whole situation. Should I get past this and work things out with him or is it best that we are not together?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): let's be honest, your relationship is hardly based on intimacy and love. you even said yourself that you spend most of your time together 'off your face'.
its not normal to spike someones drink. at all. what a weirdo, seriously..
and do you really want to bring a baby up with someone like that?
RUN. NOW.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): as far as the spiking the drink...i think you knew what kind of guy he was and should have told him weeks ago. i dont condone what he did but it is the behaviour of a drugging and drinking person. that is in the past and cant be undone or redone...it is the future that needs to be addressed now. do you have parents or friends that will support you? you need to see a doctor and start on prenatal vitamins. babies are a wonderful gift and should be treated as such in my opinion.
well as much as i like ingwe (me hammer buddy) i too disagree with his advice on this particular post. i have friends that had a child out of wedlock and are now happily married. i dont think your family and friend will look down on you for that, nor do i think that you are doomed to live single if you have a child. that has not been the case with those i know. however i do think that the drugging has to stop.
i applaud you that you are trying to do everything possible for your child. that is a very responsible step. it is to be hoped that your boyfriend too will take this seriously...and commit to doing the same. i wish you the best honey. mal
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (22 February 2010):
A man who is secretly spiking your drink is seriously dangerous. You need to leave him. Not to put a fine point to it, but you don't know he won't poison the baby or something. You really don't know that. And apart from anything else, continue with this guy and at some point social services will come knocking. Get away from him.
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A
female
reader, slipperyslope1234  +, writes (21 February 2010):
Disagree with Ingwe. No one on here can know if your family will be always look down on you or that no other guy will want you because you'll have a kid! That's probably untrue! My good fiend is a wedding planner, and she sees brides and grooms with kids all the time. Do not let that be the reason you go for an abortion. Take it from someone who has had an abortion years ago; it's not a light decision to make. But I wouldn't put any bets on the father being totally reliable, though your lives will be intertwined now that you will have a kid with him. A mutual understanding and open communication is important regardless. It might be helpful to have a good rapport for the sake of the kid, but as for a relationship with him, seems sketchy from my perspective, but it's your life. You definitely don't need him to be your boyfriend to get through this. Might help if he's not!!! You're doing good things and are being smart now that you're pregnant. Good on you for quitting drugs and smoking!!!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2010): Do you want the truth?
Tis is a key point in your life in which you are making the decision that will ultimately decide yur whole life.
Are you ready to be a mum? Its 24hours/ 7day weeks. Will he help and support you?? Not if hes a drug user he wont.
Will your family help you? Maybe, but thy will always look down on you.
And lastly when you meet a real man, he wont want you because you already have kids.
My advice is a bit harsh isnt it, im sorry for that. But if you keep the child your whole life will change and no nessecrly for the better.
Can you still abort? if yes do so
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A
female
reader, Caring Stranger +, writes (21 February 2010):
 Im sorry but im going to have to say that i dont think that you should be with this guy.
It is totally unacceptable that he spiked your drink, pregnant or not. This is not the actions of somebody who cares about you. You ended up in hospital because of him--how can you ever trust him??
I want to congratulate you on giving up the drugs and smoking! that is fantastic!! is your guy going to give up too? if he doesnt then that is even more reason for you to be seperated. Giving up drugs will be hard enough for you without being around someone still using...and you must also consider the dangers of passive smoking for both you and your baby.
You need to talk to him and decide what you are going to do. If he can give up the drugs, prove that he is trustworthy and fully support you and the baby then maybe there is a future for the both of you but as it stands at the moment you need to concentrate on yourself and your baby away from him.
good luck hun, and please seek the support and advice of your midwife for help with the drugs. xx
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (21 February 2010):
 Spiking drinks is not fun, NEVER!!!! It is very dangerous... mmm.. now you defend him, you love him.
Keep to your healthy lifestyle, make plans with him about the baby, and get him to cut back on his drink and drug taking, looks like he might become a father and it's not good to do this things around children. He won't be able to afford it anyway, babies are very expensive.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo he never got me into drugs.
He has apoligized for what he done and said that he would have never done it if he knew I was pregnant, it was just abit of fun and that I should have told him.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (21 February 2010):
"I wouldnt take any drugs so he spiked my drink with bubble and I ended up taking myself to hospital and kept in over night on a drip."
You cannot stay with a guy who will spike your drinks. It's your choice if you take illegal drugs, he shouldn't force you to stay on drugs if you don't want. This is not a little thing, you went to hospital, he put you and your babies life in danger. I can't believe I'm reading such a thing... This guy wanted you to stay on drugs, so he spiked your drink. What happens if the next time he spikes your food or drink with something stronger like "crack cocaine".... Your pregnant, he's the father, but he is so irresponsible, that he is doing criminal things. Your boyfriend sounds very heavily into drugs, did he introduce you to them.
Sigh.. for the sake of your own health, and that off your child (if you decide to keep it) I think that it's best you don't continue to see this guy. I see bad things happening as he gets more involved in his drugs world. I don't want him to pull you down, I don't want him to force you into things because he likes to take drugs. Please, leave him, this guy is messed up in the head, and I'm frightened for your safety if you stay with him.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (21 February 2010):
Would you have been annoyed if he spiked your drink and you HADN'T been pregnant. You'd just been out and sticking to soft drinks for the hell of it?
If you two have a relationship based on taking illegal stuff, then you can't blame him for acting like a drugged up nutter and spiking your drink.
However, he needs to figure out if he wants to be a dad or not.
If he's ready to grow up, give up all the drugs, get with you and make a go of it, then great. Take him back and good luck.
If he wants to carry on his life of fun and stay "semi serious" then split up with him now and get on with preparing to be a mum. Or make a choice on whether to abort / adopt.
As he is, he's not ready to be a dad. He's not ready to own a hamster.
Sit him down and talk to him. Ask him to make a decision on what he wants to do and then make YOUR decisions based on that information.
Good Luck!! xx
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