A
female
age
41-50,
*sadamas
writes:Ok. My son's father and I got together fall 2006. I knew he had a daughter and they had a good father-daughter relationship. I got pregnant soon after we begin dating. My son is 2 now. His daughter is 11. I don't really care for his daughter because of the way he parents her. She gets away with everything, she lies, and she's sneaky. I can't stand it. He puts his daughter before my baby and he doesn't see it. He buys everything for her, clothes, shoes, everything. And on top of that, gives her mom money every 2 weeks. Well, he gives me nothing! He buys my baby things every few months and recently during an argument, he admitted he does that because my baby is taken care of. I'm sick of the difference he makes and now I dislike them both, father and daughter. I found out I was pregnant again 4 months ago and he spazzed out! Said he should kill himself because he didn't want more kids, the last 2 years of his life have been the worst. So what am I to think about my baby? And just on Christmas, he tells me his daughter is moving in with him. So now, I believe her mom, who has other kids, have decided to "give" her daughter away only because I'm pregnant again. I'm really lost. I don't like them coming to my home, even to visit my son. So my questions are these: should I take him to child support? Should I tell him how I feel about him and his daughter? And should I try to make this work because I have given up? I don't think I can ever accept her. Thanks.
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female
reader, meg2989 +, writes (7 January 2010):
 Well the trick would have been to get used to his daughter before and and maybe tell you how you feel about his parenting to begin with, nothing rude, just that you had noticed it seems he spoils her. But it maybe a lot harder to tell him this now. First of all you can't take out on his daughter, its HIS fault for bringing her up that way he sculpted her into the person she is. She's only eleven and at that age parents have all the reign. Just keep that in mind. You need to focus on him, because HE'S the problem, not the child, he has just allowed her to be the way she is. He basically created a little monster. But he is still the target. Second of all, he should not see the baby as YOUR baby, but as his as well. The reason he spoils his daughter usually means he feels that he is lacking as a parent ( no matter what he says or what other reason he gives.) All parents tend to spoil their children MORE when they feel inadequette as a parent. ( They hardly ever realize what they are doing though) But it seems to me that he is just making excuses for his own actions, like by saying "well your baby is better taken care of." That shouldn't matter. Your son is his child too. Now to say that he wants to kill himself because he doesn't want another child since you are pregnant again, that not only is a display of mental instability but its childish and repulsive. He isn't a man he's child, you can tell by the way he's raised his eleven year old. If he didn't want another child, he should have told you, then actually practiced contraception, its his own damn fault. Then to react like that is just unbelievable! I am a firm believer in children having to parents if its possible and honestly I would never want that man raising either of my children. The first thing I would do is talk to him about everything in a calm manner. Explain that you feel he doen't treat his son and his daughter equally, express your frusterations with him and your concerns about your relationship. It sounds like you are very angry, and honestly I would be angry too mostly because of the way he reacted to the pregnancy... and you need to tell him that it was absolutly not right that he react that way, I mean really? Saying you want to kill yourself? Pretty immature. Tell his that. Remember, don't fight with him, talk to him. Calmly and reasonably. See where the talk takes you if you can maybe attempt to fix it try, but it sounds like you've made up your mind about him. Try to find a solution on what to do for both children ( your son and your coffee bean sized baby lol) as far as financial needs without getting the court involved. If you cannot come up with a solution, then i'm afraid you will have to get the court involved. A lot of the time its easier on the children if the court doesn't have to be involved but if you can't figure out another solution then it just has to be through the court system. I hope that helps. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (7 January 2010):
I would advise you not to attack his daughter. She is a child and her behavior is a result of what she has been taught. I think you will make an instant enemy out of him if you attack/criticise his child. It would be better if you criticised him for his behavior, not the child. Well if you can't live with him then end it. No use prolonging something that's not working.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (7 January 2010):
 You sound jealous, Of course he likes his eleven yr old more hes known her for eleven yrs, of course he buys her more stuff she wants more stuff what do 2 yr olds want food and their diaper changed.
he should go half on the baby, and the other baby, you probably wont get a dime from child support does this guy even work legit.
you sound like its all his fault you let him get you pregnant, your not married to this guy this is what happens. suggest asking him for what ever the babies need when they need it and stop being a jealous nag
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (7 January 2010):
 If you dont like him, dont like his daughter, and have given up, then yes, end it.
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