A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:im planning to have sex with my boyfriend on prom night, i really feel like we're connected because we've been dating for 2 years. im a little nervous any good tips on safe sex, how to satisfy him, and if im making the right decision??? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010): Alright.. What is odd about things is that too often people assume that sex means the guy has to penetrate. Sex is so much more than just penetration, and really, it would be best if it's taken in smaller steps. Have you ever seen an erect penis? Perhaps best to start with that, and a handjob, potentially give him some kisses down there, and then he getting to have a closer look at you and kiss you down there, and settle with that? Then take the next step later on?
If you absolutely want penetration: use condoms. And practice putting condoms on him beforehand.
A
female
reader, grey_eyed_phoenix +, writes (30 January 2010):
Hey. OK, several really good questions here.
1) Staying safe:
Good condoms that have not expired- this is also for your pleasure. Condoms with lube with help. I know when people are first getting into sex, it's ew lube, but seriously lube or it hurtling like hell?
**Warning: The first time is NEVER that good. It will probably hurt and there is a good chance that your hyoid will by broken, and you will bleed, which doesn't hurt that much. What does hurt is that your vagina muscles have never been stretched before.
Begin taking birth control now (so your body gets used to it and it builds up in your system)
The awkward part: Ask questions. Has he had any sexual partners before, if so what have they done? Was there ever a possibility that he could get and STD? Has he been tested? Have you been tested? (These might not pertain to now, but your life is just beginning, so I'm going to give you the information.)
I think these statistics are right. I had to memorize them for my freshmen biology class in high school.
Condoms- 92% effective
Birth Control- 99%
Take a shower before if possible and no matter what one after! One of my majors is biology = I think about germs and bacteria. Just trust me on this one. Clean down there especially. This is a good practice to get into, it will help you avoid urinary tract infections.
If the condom breaks, and you are NOT on birth control, and even if you are and don't want to be that 1%, Planned Parenthood sells the morning after pill for $20. Take it as soon as possible, and the follow up pill right on time. It has a good possibility of making you feel a little sick, but its not that bad and completely worth it. My best friend buys one and keeps it in her purse just in case, that way if something happens she can take it right then and not worry about it. I will tell you now, waiting until the morning sucks, and what sucks even worse it trying to get to planned parenthood without your parents knowing. (You said prom, so high school)
Those are the physical and medical facts. The psychological ones are the ones people don't see coming.
NOTE: I have a different view on this that some people. Many people agree with me, but we are all different and have different experiences. My first time was not my choice. I was raped at the age of 18 before I went to college. I am at one of the top 30 Universities in the nation on academic scholarship for biology and anthropology. So, you can be fact smart all you want, but sometimes it doesn't matter. I wasn't stupid about it either. I was at a friends house with people I knew. The emotional stuff can catch up with you. So when I talk about trying to find planned parenthood around your parents backs, I've been there and done that.
Emotional consequences and breaking preconceived notions:
Sex isn't that great in the beginning. Sorry to burst the bubble of all teenage girls, but it just isn't and this isn't just me talking. If you have a female adult who you can talk to, ask them. They'll tell you the same thing. Don't expect anything to last long either. Guys can brag all they want about how long they can last, but if your boyfriend is just starting out, then the act will probably begin and end quickly.
Myth: The bigger the better. If they are too big either in girth or length, it will hurt like hell! Again, another one of those been there done that's.
It doesn't matter how logical you think you are, you will feel very vulnerable after this. He needs to hold you after and not break up with you a few weeks or whatever later. If you are graduating, will you two be going to the same college? Don't have sex and do distance. It will be even worse. The insecurity that often follow is not pleasant and you BOTH need to be there to reassure each other.
So now hard questions that you need to answer:
Will he leave you after you two have sex?
Will you be together after graduate? Same school?
Are you really ready?
How do you think you will react afterwards?
Do you really want to give this precious gift to him?
How will having sex change your relationship? (Because I promise you it will.)
Don't get drunk and have sex. It will be even worse. You might find out that you didn't really want to do it in the first place but you were too drunk to say no or fight. Also, when people are drunk, they are usually worse in bed. When my boyfriend gets drunk, he gets really sloppy in his kissing and so on. I use kissing as the example because it's basic and I'm sure you've kissed your boyfriend. Plus you are going to want to remember what happens. It's one of those things you should remember and should be able to remember. (This is where my personal experience doesn't help. I repressed my first time/rape memories for over 2 years afterwards. You do NOT want to have this problem.)
My advice:
Well I don't know you or your boyfriend so I can only give general advice.
Have fun with your friends on prom night and don't worry about the sex. Go to an after prom party with your friends, or host one at your house. It is SOOO much fun. Some of my best memories of my prom were from the after party that lasted until 7 am. :) Seriously, I would do it. My school hosted one, and it was fabulous, but the parents club worked their asses off and put a lot of money into it so everyone would come. It was the place to be after prom.
If your school doesn't do something like this, make your house or a friends house the place to be for your friends and their dates. Everyone sleeps over = no drunk driving or being out on the roads when those who do drink and drive are. Have a pool? Put a list of games together and get your friends into it. In all reality, you will have more fun doing this than having sex. Remember prom with your friends and boyfriend as being what it is, the end of high school and the beginning of a new world. Me personally, I would save the sex for another night, if i was going to do it. Let the sex have it's own special time. Also, plan but don't plan. Plan safety precautions, but not exactly when/where you are going to do it. It will most likely make you too nervous.
Me personally this is what I see: no experience + going away to college + being with boyfriend for 2 years + a ton of uncertainty in many categories = I would wait. Many people break up when they go to college, or after being there for about 6 months (thanksgiving and christmas are prime break up times). See if your relationship survives all of that first.
well, I hope that helps. Live life to the fullest and don't have regrets!
P.S. technique wise: buy a book. my suggestion for beginning: Super Sex by Tracey Cox. Read it cover to cover. You need to know about yourself in order for him to please you. He's knows as much as you do about the entire thins, no matter what he says. Also interesting fact: Women over 30 have better sex because they tell their lover what they want.....so be confident.
good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010): Hey. OK, several really good questions here.
1) Staying safe:
Good condoms that have not expired- this is also for your pleasure. Condoms with lube with help. I know when people are first getting into sex, it's ew lube, but seriously lube or it hurtling like hell?
**Warning: The first time is NEVER that good. It will probably hurt and there is a good chance that your hyoid will by broken, and you will bleed, which doesn't hurt that much. What does hurt is that your vagina muscles have never been stretched before.
Begin taking birth control now (so your body gets used to it and it builds up in your system)
The awkward part: Ask questions. Has he had any sexual partners before, if so what have they done? Was there ever a possibility that he could get and STD? Has he been tested? Have you been tested? (These might not pertain to now, but your life is just beginning, so I'm going to give you the information.)
I think these statistics are right. I had to memorize them for my freshmen biology class in high school.
Condoms- 92% effective
Birth Control- 99%
Take a shower before if possible and no matter what one after! One of my majors is biology = I think about germs and bacteria. Just trust me on this one. Clean down there especially. This is a good practice to get into, it will help you avoid urinary tract infections.
If the condom breaks, and you are NOT on birth control, and even if you are and don't want to be that 1%, Planned Parenthood sells the morning after pill for $20. Take it as soon as possible, and the follow up pill right on time. It has a good possibility of making you feel a little sick, but its not that bad and completely worth it. My best friend buys one and keeps it in her purse just in case, that way if something happens she can take it right then and not worry about it. I will tell you now, waiting until the morning sucks, and what sucks even worse it trying to get to planned parenthood without your parents knowing. (You said prom, so high school)
Those are the physical and medical facts. The psychological ones are the ones people don't see coming.
NOTE: I have a different view on this that some people. Many people agree with me, but we are all different and have different experiences. My first time was not my choice. I was raped at the age of 18 before I went to college. I am at one of the top 30 Universities in the nation on academic scholarship for biology and anthropology. So, you can be fact smart all you want, but sometimes it doesn't matter. I wasn't stupid about it either. I was at a friends house with people I knew. The emotional stuff can catch up with you. So when I talk about trying to find planned parenthood around your parents backs, I've been there and done that.
Emotional consequences and breaking preconceived notions:
Sex isn't that great in the beginning. Sorry to burst the bubble of all teenage girls, but it just isn't and this isn't just me talking. If you have a female adult who you can talk to, ask them. They'll tell you the same thing. Don't expect anything to last long either. Guys can brag all they want about how long they can last, but if your boyfriend is just starting out, then the act will probably begin and end quickly.
Myth: The bigger the better. If they are too big either in girth or length, it will hurt like hell! Again, another one of those been there done that's.
It doesn't matter how logical you think you are, you will feel very vulnerable after this. He needs to hold you after and not break up with you a few weeks or whatever later. If you are graduating, will you two be going to the same college? Don't have sex and do distance. It will be even worse. The insecurity that often follow is not pleasant and you BOTH need to be there to reassure each other.
So now hard questions that you need to answer:
Will he leave you after you two have sex?
Will you be together after graduate? Same school?
Are you really ready?
How do you think you will react afterwards?
Do you really want to give this precious gift to him?
How will having sex change your relationship? (Because I promise you it will.)
Don't get drunk and have sex. It will be even worse. You might find out that you didn't really want to do it in the first place but you were too drunk to say no or fight. Also, when people are drunk, they are usually worse in bed. When my boyfriend gets drunk, he gets really sloppy in his kissing and so on. I use kissing as the example because it's basic and I'm sure you've kissed your boyfriend. Plus you are going to want to remember what happens. It's one of those things you should remember and should be able to remember. (This is where my personal experience doesn't help. I repressed my first time/rape memories for over 2 years afterwards. You do NOT want to have this problem.)
My advice:
Well I don't know you or your boyfriend so I can only give general advice.
Have fun with your friends on prom night and don't worry about the sex. Go to an after prom party with your friends, or host one at your house. It is SOOO much fun. Some of my best memories of my prom were from the after party that lasted until 7 am. :) Seriously, I would do it. My school hosted one, and it was fabulous, but the parents club worked their asses off and put a lot of money into it so everyone would come. It was the place to be after prom.
If your school doesn't do something like this, make your house or a friends house the place to be for your friends and their dates. Everyone sleeps over = no drunk driving or being out on the roads when those who do drink and drive are. Have a pool? Put a list of games together and get your friends into it. In all reality, you will have more fun doing this than having sex. Remember prom with your friends and boyfriend as being what it is, the end of high school and the beginning of a new world. Me personally, I would save the sex for another night, if i was going to do it. Let the sex have it's own special time. Also, plan but don't plan. Plan safety precautions, but not exactly when/where you are going to do it. It will most likely make you too nervous.
Me personally this is what I see: no experience + going away to college + being with boyfriend for 2 years + a ton of uncertainty in many categories = I would wait. Many people break up when they go to college, or after being there for about 6 months (thanksgiving and christmas are prime break up times). See if your relationship survives all of that first.
well, I hope that helps. Live life to the fullest and don't have regrets!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010): I'm fourteen and I haven't had sex yet and I'm not planning it till I'm legal lol. Erm I have done things with girls and the thing that satisfied me most was my gf deepthroating me it was the best I've ever had better than anything I could imagine, also me and my friends have spoke about it and they also agree that the best they have had was a nice deep bj from their gf
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010): If you have to ask if you are making the right decision then obviously you aren't even ready.
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