A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. Please help me to understand. I have had only one real boyfriend in my life. I've gone out with a few and had another relationship but only one long term serious relationship, of 2.5 years which ended more than 3.5 years ago. I have no feelings for him other than some slight physical attraction sometimes when I remember things I liked about him and good memories of the things we enjoyed and things in common we had. On the other hand sometimes I look at pictures and find him kind of ugly and I remember the things he said that hurt or his defects and I'm relieved I'm not with him anymore. I believe this should be totally normal. I have had no contact with him in years other than a couple of superficial emails for stupid things like thanking him for his birthday greetings and nothing else. This was more than a year ago. I know I don't want to be with him and don't want him as a friend either.The thing is I saw a picture of him on facebook with another girl and I feel weird. I know him, he wouldn't take a picture with her if he didn't like her. She looks very young and has fair skin, she is skinny, has long black, straight hair, and a bony nose just like me but without the "very young" thing (LOL) I've never pictured him without anyone but me. I'm a little pissed that he is going to use everything I taught him about women and relationships and have a good relationship with her after what he made me suffer. Is this a normal process or could I be a possesive/bad/egotistical person deep inside who cannot let go?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2011): We all take what we learned from all the relationships that fail to make the one that doesn't work... it's the way life is.
The bigger issue is that you're allowing your resentments to damage your life while he's out there enjoying his. Does this make any sense to you??? You're damaging yourself, he's not. You need to work through this, and get on with life.
Do it for yourself- he doesn't care, you should care about yourself.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2011): It's normal to have these feelings...You're a little in denial about it though. It's normal to not be over him yet, it takes time and no one is the same, just let yourself heal properly.I had the same with an ex, so I deleted him from facebook. If you don't want to get back together (which would be silly clearly he's not the right guy), and you don't want to be friends (which is also very normal), then why would you need to be "friends" on facebook? It will just cause unneccessary pain when you shouldn't care about him. Delete him from anywhere you can keep tabs on him. You can't move on without doing this. then start pampering yourself, go out and try new hobbies and mix up things. You will be able to move on I'm very sure!!!Goodluck xx
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A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (12 March 2011):
 Ask yourself this, is you were happily married or living with someone right now that you were madly in love with, would you even be thinking that much about this guy or be upset that he found someone else?
I doubt it.
If anything you would probably just say well I hope he treats her better then he treated me... and not give it, or him, another thought.
But you your not and you didn't so here you are asking for advise about a relationship that ended years ago.
So to answer your question, it may be normal to feel a little resentment, but lady you are giving this guy way too much thought. And that can't be good for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2011): It is simple you don’t want him, but you don’t want anyone else to have him. Do yourself a favor call him. Tell him. You are only hiding it from yourself. You know..
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2011): You still love him that's why it's under your skin. If you were over him you wouldn't give a pig's ass who he was doing. Why are you creeping on his facebook? Maybe you should stay away from it so you wouldn't have to see him and his girl which is nothing more then self inflicted torment on your part.
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