A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:HelloI have been with my boyfriend for seven months now, we love eachother alot, well atleast i hope he does, he tells me alot that he loves me. i have been hurt in the past by a boy and i now find it so hard to trust my boyfriend, but do i have a reason not to trust him, i think i do... are these a sign of a cheat1. he has said to me twice now that he dont deserve me2.he never ejaculates when we have sex, he use to all the time, but now he cant all the time.he does spend time with me, but he always looks at his watch every now and then. thing is he is shy around girls and im his first ever girlfriend and first love, we do have sex alot and he seems turnt on but he dont cum anymore, why is this?hes always hugging me and kissing me, but something just dont add up...i have asked him " are you cheating" he got up and said he would never do that and he looked pretty upset that i asked him. do you think i have the right to be concerned, or is it because i have trust issues due to being hurt in the past? im going out of my mind that i checked through his phone when he was asleep, there was nothing strange on his phone, when im not with him i think hes out with someone else, i dont want to be this way but i just cant help it. i know people say if you aint got trust then you have nothing but we do have something, im really in love with him, but im just afraid hes cheating. can nice, shy boys who keep themselves to themselves cheat? people tell me hes the most loyal boy i'll ever meet but i seem to have this gut feeling hes cheating... got any advice? and can you please tell me how to get my trust back.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2009): Hey!
Men are also emotional guys too so when he says to you that he doesn’t deserve you, he probably got his own insecurities. Why don’t you ask him why he says that? If anything is bothering him?
Many things can stop a guy from ejaculating, stress for one. Remember though each person is different, some ejaculating sooner, some taking longer. Is anything happening in his life that may mean his mind is elsewhere? Work? Study? Etc.
Maybe you should try new things in the bedroom, make more effort to surprise each other in everyday things, try and keep the interest fresh and see if he reacts differently?
If he keeps looking at his watch, ask him what’s up? If he needs to be anywhere?
Of course the guy is going to be pretty upset if you ask that. You guys have been together for a while now, he tells you he loves you, thinks he doesn’t deserve you... You should be able to talk to him if you’re getting these insecurities.
You do have a right to be concerned, it’s natural to feel like this especially because of past experiences. The best thing you can do is talk to him, tell him you’ve noticed something up with him and you just want to know if everything’s okay. Try and get him to open up. Reassure him that you’re there, he can talk to you.
I’m hoping if the ‘people’ who’s told you he’s the most loyal guy you’ll ever meet are his friends, then they know best what his personality profile is like; what he’ll likely do/not do/how he reacts etc so take that into consideration.
If you have such a gut reaction, the only thing you can do is try easing him to open up to you about all problems. Communication is key.
A
female
reader, emilymarie26  +, writes (20 November 2009):
I don't think he's cheating. Just try to take it one day at a time, it's all about baby steps. If he's out with friends and you're worrying about it, try to find things to do yourself that will distract you from any of those thoughts. Don't become the girlfriend who has to text/call every half an hour just to check in, that's only going backwards.
You might also talk to your parents about getting into some counseling since your trust issues are so deep. The important thing to see is that it has nothing to do with your current boyfriend. Your trust issues are in the past, and a good counselor will help you leave them there. This will be helpful for both now, and in the future with other people.
P.S. There are many reasons he isn't cumming that aren't cheating. Could be that he's been 'taking care of himself' beforehand, or maybe he's stressed out, or maybe he's going through a phase where it's just taking longer for him to get there.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2009): I being a woman who has been cheated on, I know how you feel. The best advice I can give you is " You are young enjoy your life, don't sit back and keep worring. If you keep making a big deal out of it he either will cheat or will break up with you". Its hard to learn to trust again. But if he is cheating he will mess up and u will find out. It always comes out. Just use protection, and take care of yourself.
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