A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I know the answer is yes, but I'm just hurting right now. I guess I'm just wanting to get this out.I left him on Monday, he got cranky too often over things that didn't matter, couldn't accept responsibility for it, and in all honesty, showed signs of an emotional abuser. A few days later I asked to met up and talk about it hoping to be friends once everything settled between us. We met up this morning and he still can't listen to me. He got cranky and walked out. I sent him a text saying how I had hoped we could have been friends up he wasn't mature enough, that I wouldn't contact him again. He then shot back telling me I was manipulative, cynical, and heartless and told me never to speak to him again. He's deleted me off Facebook and everything like that. I know he's probably hurting, cause he always said how much he loved me and wanted us to work but...I dunno, I guess I'm just wishing for the good times we had (even though bad outweighed the good)I also saw that he added his ex girlfriend on Facebook yesterday. The ex girlfriend that he met up with to 'talk about what happened in their relationship' behind my back a few days before Valentine's day. He dumped her, and I think she's with someone else now, but apparently she still likes him. Do you think he's going to try and get back with her? It doesn't matter I guess...Anyway, I've been talking to a lot of my friends, been sticking to my hobbies, and organizing an international trip I'll be taking soon. I'm trying to stay busy, but if anyone has suggestions I'm open... Thanks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. Although you were the only answer, you have been very helpful and insightful. The fact that you picked up on things that I didn't even mention (lack of a strong male role model, possible drug use...I don't think he does, but your not the first to suggest it)was a strong reminder for me of why I left. Everything you said here was insightful and helpful to me. It reaffirmed what I already knew. Thank you so much!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2013): You are in an age-group where what you are experiencing is pretty much the norm. Although girls may mature emotionally faster than boys, you still experience the same emotionalups and downs and confusion. You're on the cusp between a child and an adult.His moodiness and crankiness is because of an anger-management problem. He may be dealing with family issues and he doesn't know how to process the problems he is going through. As a young adult, he has to take on more responsibility. it can be overwhelming when you have arrested emotional development. So his moods fluctuate out of frustration.It's part of the growing up process. His poor way of handling it, is because he doesn't have a positive male role model. He mistreats you, like his father mistreats his mother. I can also tell from your post, that you are independent and have leadership and organizational skills. He may be threatened by some of these traits. You would expect more from him, and may not realize when you may be pressuring him too much. You made a wise decision to let him go. He is immature and not ready for someone as intelligent; and so wise for her age. In fact, he isn't ready to be a boyfriend at all.You noticed the fact his behavior could be abusive, and the good out-weighed the bad. That is because, in your family unit, you are taught these things. You wouldn't have acknowledged this unacceptable behavior; unless you were taught at an earlier age that it isn't right.You know how to approach and take on your life challenges, and control your anger. He hasn't fully developed the facilities needed, and that is what he is struggling with.So he's moody, cranky, or says awful things to you. There are always two sides. So you also have to look back on things you know you should not have said or done. So you will not repeat those things when someone else comes along. That is no longer really an issue; because you have put an end to what wasn't working out. That was a smart move.Although, it was very hard to do.He may also be on steroids. If he is the athletic type, and he spends a lot of time working out. He could have gotten a hold of steroids to increase muscle-mass. Sometimes mood-swings is symptomatic. If he uses recreational drugs, coming down off the high will also make him especially cranky.It's hard to be a good boyfriend when you don't know how. His old girlfriend left him for a reason. She likes stringing him along, only because you're in the picture.Girls always hate their old boyfriend's new girlfriend, and like helping him to dump you. She only flirts with him to keep him under her thumb; even if she has a new boyfriend.She's playing with his feelings. That's another reason he is so angry. He took you on as a girlfriend, before he fully got over her. So don't be surprised.His aggressive behavior is pretty much a mirror of his own father. He tries to punish you psychologically by putting things in your face and trying to turn things around on you. He uses angry words to intimidate you. You are a stronger person; and being a strong female frustrates him, because it is difficult to gain control over you. You're incompatible as a couple. You're not perfect; but you know what behavior is hurtful and what is not. You still have to take his description of some of your behavior into account; because other people do see things in us that we don't. He only mentions what bothers him about you when he is angry. That is not the time to express it; because all you feel is hurt. You don't really hear what he is trying to say. Further causing you both to separate. The pain and discomfort you feel is normal. You cared for him and you spent a lot of time together. You know that it is better to move on; because it was too difficult to stay.It is better that you delete him from Facebook. You don't need to be victim to his antics and mind-games.Getting involved with another girl, before getting over his last breakup, will only make both of them miserable in the end. Look what it did to your relationship.You are better off to leave him alone. He doesn't want to be friends with you. He is angry at you. Every time you bother him; you make him angrier, and he will be meaner to you. That will make you hurt all the more.I know letting go is the harder part. I also know that we get over breakups faster, when we learn it is best to detach from the person who is the source of our suffering and emotional discomfort. It doesn't seem to get any easier for the first weeks or months after the breakup. There are some emotions you will go through first. Don't bottle them up, let them flow. That way, you can still function and prepare for all your forthcoming activities. You will heal faster.What you are doing is the perfect way to handle your grief after losing your boyfriend. You will make it a lot easier on yourself if you stop following up on him on Facebook.You owe him no apologies, you need no further closure, and you have to allow him space to deal with his own feelings about the breakup. So stop all contact. No text messages, no IM's, no e-mails, no calls. Stop all of it. Hearing from you is as painful for him as it is when you hear him say awful things to you. Even worse. So try to remember that, if you get the urge to contact him. You mean well; but in his anger and being upset by the rejection; he will not see anything you do or say as good.So now you focus on getting over him, and let him get over you.He's not a terrible person. He has problems and he needs help to deal with them. He is learning now what happens when you don't treat girls right. They leave you. These lessons will make him a better person over time.
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