A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Guess I’m looking for whatever advice I can find. I just don’t know what to think anymore. Here’s my problem. I’m a 26 year old guy and I get no interest from girls. Physically I’m 5’9”, 145 pounds, average build, blue eyes, and short brown hair. People who know me would say that I’m a genuine and caring type of guy. I’m pretty easy going and like to keep my sense of humor on hand. I’m going to school to finish my bachelor’s degree after spending some time on active duty. A lot of my friends are actually girls, including my best friend at school. So it’s not like I have trouble meeting girls. They just don’t seem to be attracted to me in that way. Apparently I’m only friend material. I just don’t get it. I always hear girls complaining about how their boyfriend cheated on them, lied to them, or doesn’t pay attention to them yet they always want to get back together with that guy or end up going after that same type of guy. Even the internet is flooded with posts by women with titles like “what do I do with my drug addicted boyfriend?”, “he hits me but I don’t want to leave him”, and “he left me for someone else, how do I get him back?” I’m completely mystified by this. Even my best friend is still hung up on a guy who broke up with her two years ago, only pays attention to her when he’s looking for sex, lies to her, and smokes a lot of weed.It’s really frustrating to be ignored and rejected in favor of complete jerks. What gives?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, twilchic  +, writes (23 July 2012):
Hi. You sound like a really nice bloke. You've got to understand that some girls usually end up with bad guys and never really see themsleves with a decent bloke like you. Esteem and confidence coming into the equation. Just be yourself, go out and enjoy life. Somewhere out there is a girl for you. Be who you are and true to yourself someone will see it and think wow!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2012): Dear OP,
I haven't met you in person so I am not sure if I am right.
But I have 2 male friends who got into my friendzone and I tell you why.
First and most important: They simply didn't show me that they were attracted to me! And when they finally tried to hit on me, they had been my friends for so long and I had listened to their sad ex girlfriend stories etc. it actually felt weird.
What makes me go crazy about a guy is, when he gives me signals that he doesn't NEED me, that I don't need to save him from loneliness or boredom, from sexlessness or whatever. But that he WANTS me, because I'm special and because he sees and appreciates that. So, it's not an asshole attitude but INDEPENDENCY that's making him sexy.
If you observe yourself complaining to women about your life, then you can expect them to care for you, be nice to you and complain to you about their lives too, occasionally. But you might come across as dependent and in need of a friend, not a lover. Women don't easily sleep with people they have to take care of, because we separate our mother instincts from our mating instincts, most of the time.
Don't get me wrong, it may be different in a longterm relationship, where you take care of each other and sleep with each other too, hopefully.
But there needs to be more than talking and understanding to get into a relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2012): I am not sure. But it could be the fact that you have a lot of female friend.I used to like one guy and I am sure he liked me too. We were close but he have a lot of female friends hanging around all the time. I am not sure if he was just being nice to me like every other girls? And his best friend is female, I know they talked a lot. I know nothing happen between them but I can't seem to stop thinking what if? He has many choices. When I want a man, I want to be the center of his attention. I know it sound selfish, but yes that is just me.
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A
male
reader, grymsoul +, writes (23 July 2012):
 Haha, and here's your first lesson in not believing what girls say. I'm about to let you in on a little secret. . .THEY DON'T WANT THE NICE GUY! Trust me, I've been on both sides of the fence. I found that when I'm less caring and considerate, the girls seem to can't leave me alone, but when I start to show them interest, compliment their appearance and other nice greetings, they trip over themselves to get away.
I've actually found a balance between the two. I let them know that I think they're beautiful then I leave them alone. They become confused and pursue me to find out how I really feel. STOP being so nice to them. They want a man, not a doormat. Having a sense of humor helps as well. I've used it many times to get them laughing. You want to know how to get a girlfriend? Stop looking for one. Stop expecting that certain girl you're eyeing to be THE ONE. START looking at her as if she was another average girl. Don't be overly nice in hopes of her favorting you. My stomach always curl when I find myself bending over backwards so she can like me more.
Approach her. Flirt with her. Don't attempt to be friends in hopes that later down the road she will develop feelings for you. Start the race with a BANG! Let her know she's gorgeous and that you want her. If she refuses, tough for her. Move on. Rinse and repeat. The trick in this is disregarding the hurt when being rejected. Everyone gets rejected sometime. You just have to dust yourself off and try again. Oh and when you see someone you like talk to you, give short replies and walk away. I'm not sure why this gets them to talk to you more, but I've done this many times and girls seem to be more interested when you don't make yourself easily available.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (23 July 2012):
There's a lot of factors to consider. Remember these girls feel in love first, before things went bad for them. A lot of women hope that their guy will change for them. I suppose women are more emotionally driven and attached than men. It would be easy to say some women just aren't using enough logic but some men don't use enough of their own heart. It's their lives and stories so no need to compare it with yours. In fact the less you compare, the better you will understand things.
Second factor. Obviously, you will not hear about the happy women out there since well...they are happy and have no need to advertise. This makes your situation SEEM a lot worse than it actually is, puts pressure on you, and can turn you into someone you are not.
You might even think "hey I should be a jerk and chicks will dig me". But it's not about that. Nice guys have good qualities but are not confident. This lack of confidence can lead to a lot of other negative things such as poor social skills, insecure personality, unstable financial situations, and on and on. LOGICALLY these things are unrelated but you have to admit, in order to be a leader in life, you need that certain level of confidence. Jerks come close to emulating that trait so it attracts girls. The key isn't to keep a girl. The trick is just finding one and making her stick with you asap. Having confidence is a huge ice breaker.
Forth Factor. You are in school. A lot of girls don't like to date class mates OR your social circle is completely limited. You just need to make yourself more available, create a better, healthier social life and be the person you were meant to be. In fact, the less you show interest about being in relationships, the more attention you will gain. The thing is that there will come a time girls will ask you out so its best to just not pressure yourself. It's important to know that you still have a good life ahead of you.
Now you need to think, do you really want to be with any of those girls you mentioned? None of those girls seem mature enough to handle a guy with your mentality and this a major truth you have to face. A lot of these girls would even say to themselves that they arent good enough for you. I think someone like you is worth better to find a girl equally intelligent as you and into the same things.
My best advice is to just not care about it and stop chasing girls and try something different. I myself was like you until I stopped caring so much.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (23 July 2012):
 Attraction isnt a choice its instinct and women have no.control over it. Either they want ur dick or not. Women see u as a provider not a lover ie stop being nice n sensitive n caring. Develop a cocky n funny attitude with women. Its irrestible to them. Being a semi jerk will indeed get u laid because it portrays confidence. Tease women bust their balls n dont be scared to be rude to them from time to time. This shows them ur not out yo kiss their ass n seek their approval u have ur own mindset. If any of this sounds silly it isnt it works im proof cause ive adapted. A hot body helps a ton too. So get ur crap together man good luck n plow some fields.
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