A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Have you ever been in love for the first time, and it is with your very first girlfriend too, and you love her so much that you would never let any harm come to her, but she never seems to appreciate anything you do for her and that is tearing you apart, like almost literarily tearing your heart apart?Well, that's what's happening to me. I'm 21, been with my girlfriend since I'm 19. She's 22, almost 23. Anyway, I think I explained what my problem is on the intro, basically, I don't feel like I'm treated how I think I deserve being treated.The thing is, she knows how I feel, she knows what I want, and she says "I would really like to change, but this is just the way I am." I understand, her being the way she is, but the thing IS, she never wants to compromise on anything. She's always going out with her friends on some weekends, just when I return home from college and we can both be together. It's really not that bad, but my point is that she should be with me on the weekends, which are the only days I can be with her. She always says something like: "But I never go out with them! I just wanna spend time with them." Which is totally cool, but why on the only three days that we can be together? Why not make it thursday or some other day of the week? No, she wants it to be on weekends, and since that's what she likes, there's really nothing I can do. FINE. She's just hanging out with her friends after all... Let's forget about it and be happy.Me - Oh! Baby that's great! You're buying a car? Nice! Which one are you buying?Her - The Mazda3 HB.Me - What? Isn't that like 26k?Her - Yeah, but I think I can make it, you know how I'm always saving almost all of my money instead of spending it on other worthless stuff.Me - Ummm... Ok...The months pass, and EVERYONE tells her she should buy some other car, that that one is too expensive for her. But no, that's the one she wants, the others are too ugly for her. That's cool! But the problem is, she works at Wendy's (the fast food) and only makes like $600 a month! The car pays like $450 monthly, without an insurance, which would leave her only $150 for gas and food. What d'yall think? Exactly. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, tells her she should go for the new Corolla, or something like that, which is only 18k, but no, she won't listen to anyone, not even me. How do you think that makes me feel? LIKE SHIT! If she won't listen to me now, what do you think is going to happen when we're going to buy a house for ourselves or stuff like that? Hmmm...Me - Babe, I'm feelin' kinda hot...Her - Ummm... ok...Me - Ummm... OK... (I kinda know what that "Um, ok." means. She's not in the mood.Remember how I told you we only see each other on the weekends? Yeah. DUDE! Not only do I have to wait until the weekends, but she's then not in the mood, or maybe do it once and that's it? Shit... I thought she was only but a year older than me, and we're both young, and she's already saying that "I'm not in the mood" thing? Oh. and just to make my point clear, there is NOTHING, I can do about it, I can't try to get her going by massaging her, kissing her, and feeling all her body.But, you know what pisses me off the most? That she has the nerves to ask me al the time for a massage. Backrubs, feetrubs, handrubs, assrubs, hairrubs, everything. When I ask for one of those, cuz I'm feeling really stressed out from all the exams I had this week, she always makes this "ugh..." sound, that is almost too soft to hear, but I hear it! She still does it, but it's not that, it's just that I'm already too angry to enjoy the massage, which are most of the times really good though, cuz I don't enjoy it at the moment, cuz I'm angry, but a while later I actually feel much better...Her - Baby, I know you like BJs a lot, but I just hate those fluids that come out of your penis!Me - Fine, I'll wear a condom, that way you won't feel anything. (And I won't either... but it's better than nothing)Her - Fine.That was a couple months ago, and since that, she's done it like 2 or 3 times... I almost never ask for one, but when I do, there's like and 85% that she'll say NO. Me - But I thought you said that if I wear a condom then there's no problem.Her - Yeah, I did, but I just don't wanna do it.Damn, bad trip. How do I feel? You know, unwanted, unloved. The thing that kills me, is that I KNOW, that she loves me, and I love her back so much... But this really is killing me, only the thought of leaving her feels like my heart is gonna blow up. I don't know what to do.How can I get her to compromise, or stick to the ones she's made? How can I get her to understand that she doesn't have to change anything of what she is in order to compromise? To understand that I'm only asking for a "happy medium" in which we both get what we want, and we're both happy? PLEASE HELP!
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male
reader, LovelessAct1  +, writes (16 November 2010):
This may sound harsh, but maybe you just aren't meant for each other. It sounds like you both have your priorities on the opposite ends of the spectrum. She enjoys the freedom of friends and apparently likes her space from you, and you come off as the type that needs attention from her in every form (emotional, sexual, etc) Which is fine, you deserve attention if you're in a relationship with this person, but it seems that she just doesn't want to give it.Just from what you've posted, it seems that you two just don't get along. You both want different things at different times. I honestly recommend telling her straight up how you have been feeling and then initiating a break for a few weeks. Let her have the time she apparently wants to be with her friends and enjoy her freedom. Let yourself have some space in order to not be so dependent on her attention.That's the best advice I have. With the way you both get along currently, you definitely need time apart. It'll probably be harder for you, since you're the one who evidently needs her more than she needs you, but if that is the case, you don't want to be in a one sided relationship like that anyways.Good luck.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 November 2010):
 You posted up your story earlier as well and i answered it but this one goes in to more detail than the other one, and you are leaving out in this one that she gets pains when she tries to have sex.
Ok forgettin the first story and looking at this one, then it sounds to me like she doesnt care about you, and that she is looking at you more towards security than a life long partner, she is undependant and it sounds like you are just a burden on her.
There aint nothing you can do to change this girl am afriad so either deal with the fact that she is going to be the one that has the say in all your future desicions, you are not going to get any sex and also she aint going to show you much attention or affection or you can chose to leave her and meet someone that is willing to give you what you want.
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