A
male
age
36-40,
*ndy00
writes:Hi, I'm beginning to worry about being alone. But the crazy thing is, I've been single for just over two weeks!I recently came out of a relationship that lasted for 9 1/2 months. It was an okay relationship, but I've know for a long time that me and her were not compatible. We made it work while i was at university.But i have always been overcome by doubt. I refuse to believe that I will end up happily married. I'm only 21, why am I so obsessed with having somebody? Since I came out of a 2 year long distance relationship in 2007 I have always hated being single. I absolutely detest being a single man. I love having a companion and whenever I'm without I am unhappy.Please give me some perspective. I know I will probably end up happily with someone in the end, but how come my stupid brain won't let me believe fully that and let me relax!? Anytime I come back from a night out without any female attention I feel depressed. Please help!
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depressed, long distance, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (25 June 2010):
 ..Hi there again, Glad to know you feel better. You will be fine. Suggestion, go to the library and look for a book on making small talk. Increase your interest in more things around you. Again I say get a hobby, something that you can concentrate on when you are between relationships that will hold your interest.
Push yourself to grow. Take a simple course in investments
so that you can offer some advice on what would help to improve someone's finances as well as your own. I would love to talk to someone who could give me a few stock tips.
If you can make yourself interested in what your are saying, others (girls) will be interested. While at the library look for a book on charm, whatever a person looks like if they are charming, you forget all that. You will
have all the girls running to your side. "o) Get to work.
Good luck, above all be your own best friend.
A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (24 June 2010):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I understand what you're saying about being more of a complete person, that's something I want. The truth is, I feel pretty happy with myself. I'm young, I'm not awful to look at (though I want to drop a little weight, but nothing drastic). I'm comfortable with who I am as a person, aside from the constant longing for companionship.
I guess something i want to improve on is communication with women. I don't feel like I can just walk up to any girl anywhere and just start talking to them without any kind of introduction. I have done this before, but on the rare occasion they either haven't been interested or haven't been single. A lot of you have said that I will meet plenty of women down the road, but how can this be when I struggle to meet any? Thanks for your help so far everyone. I feel much better today. I know I will find somebody love again, I just find waiting to be the hardest part.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2010): Okay, now you sound like a man who appreciates tenderness and womanly attention, and here you are admitting it as something you need consitently. No problems here. You know what you want. You want commitment, but finding a partner who will give you that consistency you want is going to be a challenge. It is for most people. You broke up for a reason, and there are scores of women out there who may be a better match for you. You are young and will have buckets of women to pick through in the future, so try to cap that anxiety, bucko, because it's a repellent to the ladies!
Now the root of the issue may be that you don't feel complete as a person without a woman. Healthy relationships happen when both partners are complete people. Having a feminine force nearby to act as a foil to you sense of manliness may be all well and good, but it is better to be confident in your sense of self and your strength. A complete man, who doesn't have to depend on a woman to define his sense of self, is going to radiate confidence and be a pillar of strength that will, at least in theory, attract the kind of woman you want. A consistent woman, complete in herself, who sees you as the rock in a marriage. And because YOU will know what a complete person is like by looking at yourself, you will be able to pick her out.
Sorry this was a little long, but good luck!
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A
male
reader, insrchof +, writes (24 June 2010):
 Use positive affirmations. Look it up on the internet. There are several sites that have free ones. You can read them or listen to them. Always have a positive outlook and the universe will give you a positive return. As far as relationships, always remember, be completely happy with your partner or learn to accept the short comings they have. You will never be able to change a person, unless they want to be changed. I spend 20 years thinking I could change my partners, only to end up totally unhappy and leaving the relationship. Don't spend that amount of time trying it. Before you sleep, ask for your perfect partner and wait for the universe to give it to you. Always be willing to ask. No matter what your question, ask, otherwise, you will never know what the answer could have been. Stay positive and it will happen. Be expecting it.
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A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (24 June 2010):
Hi there, What you first need to do in my opinion is to learn that it is possible to be happy by yourself. You feel you must be with someone to be happy, no you don't. Find things to do when you are out of relationships that make you happy. The world is full of discoveries, get a hobby, do you like photography? Happiness is in the mind it is not external.
If you are first happy with yourself, you will be more happy when you are with a person you care about. But don't depend on that person to be the reason you are happy because then if it doesn't work out as you have found, you are miserable. So the first trick is to love yourself in a healthy way and once you have that under control, you may feel bad if you break up with someonbe, but you know you will be fine in a little while. You have got to be your own best friend. You will find another girl to care for but work on self love, build your confidence. Enjoy life, explore the world and what it has to offer. Visit museums, join some clubs, open up your avenues to doing some different things. Get a pen pal from overseas to communicate with. Break out of your comfort zone, explore, you'll find a whole new world. You are young, enjoy it.
The ladies will be there. Trust me "o).
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