A
female
age
26-29,
*aytee911
writes:I met this guy and we have been going out for a while now. I think I am falling in love with him. He is so good to me and makes me so happy. The thing is he wants to have sex and im not ready for it. I have never done any sex stuff before.I am 14 and he is 5 years older then me, i love him and just want him to be happy. I told him i want to be a virgin for marriage. I thought hed be mad but he wasnt. He said that we can have sex in my bum and my mouth becasue it want really sex and id be still a virgin. He also said that we dont even need condoms because i cant get pregnant doing it this way.Is this true? Will i still be a virgin if i only let him have sex in my bum and mouth? I mean, i love him and want to make him happy and im scared he might dump me if i dont do this.If someone who knows or has experience can help me.. that would be great. Thx!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2011): Bum or mouth and even direct, sex is sex once committed no more purity or call it as virginity, think if he dumps you after wards, how the other new guy will accept you or even accepts finds one fine day then how he thinks about it, if you had even in mouth, he will never forget. So be away from this guy and it is better wait till marriage, your view is very right hold on to it.
A
female
reader, justina loves bieber +, writes (23 March 2011):
 dont do it plz i dont know u but i can tell that ur smarter than that and if hes presuring u then dont stay wif him u ll find the right guy soon but not ow ok plz ok now go on to another boy thats ur age ok
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011): Look, this is what I think after reading this: hell no! Don't do this to yourself at this age. You're way too young in the first place. If he really is that perfect he will let you be comfortable with what you want and wont dump you if you don't wanna have sex with him. Trust me, no guy is worth it if he's gonna dump you for something he as well knows is wrong. look at all the other answers as well. Hope you get through this :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011): I am 23 now and I lost my virginity when I was only 13! I have regretted it my whole life now! If you are a virgin stay one! at least until your old enough to really know what love and sex really are. You are so young. if he's really with you because he loves you than it can wait!! Just remember that your virginity is a very valuable gift, maybe the most valuable gift you can give someone, and once you give it away you never get it back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011): Oh brother. Where to even begin. Well DON"T DO IT!!!! I had sex young and regret it so much and so will you my dear. So, save yourself the heartache and don't do it. If a guy will leave you because you wont have sex him then he's not worth it anyway. You said it yourself your not ready, so don't give in.
He's to old for you. You might not see it now, oh but you will when you get older. I'm 20 and I know a lot of 18, 19, 20, 21 year old's and you know what none of them have sex with 14 year old's. Why do you ask? Because WOMEN their own age take them seriously and so therefore will be in relationships with them. I know you don't see it now, but a 19 year old man has nothing in common with a 14 year old girl. And if he does he's a loser. I know you don't see it this way, but when you get older you will.
Please please please don't do it. Stay innocent. I so wish that I did.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (22 March 2011):
 My dear!
I am just upset reading your story! OMG!!!!
1) You shouldn't be dating in the first place
2) If you're not comfortable don't do it
3) Ur 14 years old??? Under age to have sex & my dear YOU DONT KNOW WHAT LOVE IS!
4) Pls read all the advices that people gave you...they're all right & they're telling you the truth...SEX is not a joke!
5) Enjoy being a kid, you don't have much time left, enjoy your family, pretty soon you'll be in college, looking for a job & believe me the real world is not fun..
6) School, family, friends should be priority.. NOT BOYS!! You'll have plenty of boys, sex in the furure rather you want or not!
PLEASE enjoy your youth..
I had sex for the 1st time when I was 21 years old..never dated before & I just did under pressure, because I was feeling the same way you are..I was afraid he wouldn't like me anymore & break up w/me..I also thought I was in love, I also wanted to make him happy.. I WAS WRONG!!! I regret so much..
If you have sex so young, you'll end up pregnant, wouldn't be able to finish school, you could get std's, etc..do you want to be an adult making minimum wage, young with kids???
Think about it? You're lucky that you still have a chance, you are lucky that the people that answer you cares about you...
Wish you the best,
Take care & good luck with your future & your decision
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (22 March 2011):
 Okay here's my take.
Once you have sex with this 19 year old, and I don't care whether it's "in your bum" or in your ear, he has committed a felony.
Once you have sex with this 19 year old, and I don't care whether it's "in your bum" or in your ear, it may cause physical damage or disease.
Once you have sex with this 19 year old, and I don't care whether it's "in your bum" or in your ear, he will insist on having it everytime you see him. No more going places and doing things, just sex sex sex.
And here's the kicker:
Once you have sex with this 19 year old, and I don't care whether it's "in your bum" or in your ear, He'll dump you after a short time because THAT'S ALL HE WAS LOOKING FOR IN THE FIRST PLACE. He will then go looking for his next sweet young thing to victimize.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (22 March 2011):
 Hon, if this guy was really into you, he would wait until you are ready to have sex.
To be honest, if he dumps you because you dont want sex, well then sorry to say but hes not worth it. The otherside, is if you do have sex with him, guaranteed hes going to dump you anyway.
So keep those legs together and wait until YOU are ready!!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 March 2011):
 NEVER NEVER let a guy think you HAVE to have sex with him to keep him.
A 14 year old shouldn't be considering anal sex (in the bum as you cal it). It will TEAR you up. And EVEN if you guys do the anal you can actually still get pregnant. There is always a chance when you don't use protection.
DO NO DO thing you are NOT ready for.
If he won't stick around because you aren't ready, then he is NOT worth it.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (22 March 2011):
 You always need to use condoms, regardless of what sexual activity you are doing because condoms prevent std's like HIV etc. Std's can be fatal so it is incredibly important you use one, whatever sexual activity you might be doing.
But aside from that, the important thing here is that you are not ready - you said it yourself. If he really is a good boyfriend and loves you then there is no way on earth he would try to get you to do things you don't want to do.
Any sexual activity, whether it is sex or oral, is a big deal and the most important thing is that you are happy doing it and feel comfortable. If you don't - then don't do it. You will only grow to regret it, because doing something under pressure won't be nice for you and it will be a bad experience.
The worst thing in life is to live life with regrets, and I can tell you now if you give in to his pressure then you will regret it.
Anal sex is a very adult thing to do and I highly recommend you stay away from this, it can be very painful and uncomfortable - not the way your first experience with sex should be. I'm 23 and I still don't like it, it really hurts even with lube and it feels a bit dirty in my opinion.
As for oral sex, this is still a big deal and I remember at your age I would have been so scared to do something like that.
So please, trust your instincts here and wait until you are ready. Quite simply, if your boyfriend loves you he will wait as long as you need. If he doesn't and dumps you - well you are much better off without him because he was only using you for sex anyway. If it is true love and he really cares then he would wait forever for you if he had to because you would be more important to him than sex. But if he dumps you because you won't have sex then he never cared about you in the first place and all he wanted from you was sex.
Hold out for a guy who really loves you, then you will never regret it.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011): Don't do any of these intimate things. You are 14. He is too old for you. Of course he wants sex, but you are a child. This is bad news, you should be with a boy nearer your age who is not expecting to be intimate like this. If he is not interested in seeing you without sex, he is wrong for you. Do NOT have sex of any sort, at any age, because you feel you have to.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011): If you can't keep him without sex, then you don't have him anyway.
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