A
female
age
30-35,
*anni m
writes:I have at last found someone who I am actually attracted to. I have not had a relationship for the past year because I did not want to, and found no one I really liked . But suddenly, out of the blue, I find someone who I really like . My problem is I dont know how to go about letting him know I am interested. I don't want to come across as desperate and struggling to know what to do. I have spoken to him a few times on IM but I have always started the conversations (although he does seem keen to chat and have spoken to me for over an hour each time).I have also spoken to him briefly in person but I dont see him that often. Do i continue to start the conversations or do I wait for him ? I keep on thinking that if he really liked me then he would talk to me first which he hasn't :( Should I persevere or should I back out if he is not making the effort ? Thnx for your help Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (8 November 2011):
Hi there. If you are making all the effort, and he isn't, well then it might be that you are more interested than he is.
But also, if you are doing it all, he doesn't really need to try does he? You are doing it for him!
Perhaps you could back off a bit, and don't contact him for about a week or 2, and see if he gets in touch with you.
If he does initiate contact with you, well then that's great. If not, you might have to decide that it's not going to work.
If he does contact you, well just be yourself and talk about your life, ask him about his and be genuinely interested in him and what he has to say. And if you feel the conversation goes well, perhaps you could suggest going for a coffee sometime soon, then see what he says to that.
It's a start, and it's an informal, relaxed meeting of two friends. No strings attached. You never know what it might lead to.
If you do end up going out for a coffee, just be yourself and don't say at the end of it - "When can I see you again?" - because it makes you look needy and desperate. Men HATE that.
At the end of the coffee, say - "Thank you (his name), I really enjoyed your company" or, "Thank you (his name), I had a lovely time today." And smile. Then walk away to whatever you are going to do next. Let him suggest any further meetings with you in future. Don't you.
Don't offer him your phone number - wait for him to ask you. Don't have it already written out either - again it makes you look desperate, because you made that assumption.
Good luck.
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