A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How do you balance between nice and reasonable. I feel like I’m kind and considerate of others but don’t feel the same about how others act.For example I have noticed that a friend of mine is very rude and everything is on his terms. He does not accept excuses, nor asks for explanations. If you are not there on his terms ...too bad his gone. On the flip side I have another friend who meets both of us. I’m considerate where i always ask if it’s convenient and I don’t usually make anyone go out of thier way to do anything. So when the time actually comes I feel this particular friend is nowhere to be seen but spending time with the person who is rude to him, and yet he will still choose him over me. This confuses me, and I shouldn’t have to be an asshole in order to make friends speak or value to me more. But I have noticed this cycle with a lot of friends. The strong ones are stubborn and don’t like to budge no matter what happens. And the soft hearted friends who I get along with all go running to the rude ones who throw them away when required.Now...why do I care? Because I’m often left out because I am not willing to put up with that behaviour. Which leaves me alone. Yes I am better of alone however it makes me question, shall I just be an inconsiderate ass hole so I don’t have to feel bad? Yes I have tried al activities, walks, etc. Nothing beats a good 20min laugh with a friend once a week. Is it too hard to find that in a world with billions of people. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (13 January 2020):
 Some people have life-long friends, others don't. Doesn't mean you can't make more friends as you grow and be part of their life and they be part of yours.
Why don't they think as you do? Who knows?
My guess is they have grown apart from you, but occasionally want you around for the same kind of reason you want them around. Familiarity.
As for why one friend will choose the "rude" friend over you. Who knows? But, I would venture a guess that they DO share more in common than you think or than you do with this guy. Or they have "just" accepted each other as they are. Again. Impossible to know.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2020): True. Why do I need them? I guess loneliness takes over. It hurts though, weddings and other events happening this time off life. People have thier life long friends.
If would be easier if I did something wrong but only thing I done is NOT contacted the other person. And since than I never ever got a message or call. It’s been half a year.
Why don’t they think about things I do?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2020): If you're being left-out, take a hint. They don't really want to be your friend.
Why do you insist on trying to make friends of people of bad-character?
It seems to me that you're trying to become a part of a clique. You obviously don't fit-in;
so don't grovel beneath your dignity begging for their acceptance.
As you say, there are billions of people. Why must it be that particular group out of
a vast population available to select from?
Enjoy your freedom and independence. Explore uncharted territory in new places, be friendly, and make better choices among people you want to be your friends.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 January 2020):
Have you asked the "friend in the middle" about it? Because I can't tell you why.
I have never had friend who were "my way or the high way" kind of people all the time, sometimes yes, but not all the times, I don't think they make for good friends.
Spread your wings, OP It seems like it's time to expand your friend circle. And yes I know it gets harder the older you get, so better get working on that.
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