A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year now. We started dating online while he was deployed and continued when he got back a few months ago.At the start I was really happy and felt like he could be the right guy for me.But then, couple of months ago, we had a disagreement that made me question the relationship. That disagreement was about my mother who is quit conservative and doesn't trust him quite yet. But he started saying that I let my mother walk over me and that I should stand up to her. Being of a different culture I disagreed with him and said it was not going to happen because it would be very disrespectful to my mother. He acted very selfishly and was even disrespectful by saying "screw your culture". Ever since, our relationship has not been the same. One one side, I still care for him and hope that everything will be okay, especially because he is still dealing with a lot of things due to the fact that he came back from deployment not too long ago. But on the other hand, I feel like I deserve much better than that.I know that he loves me and I still love him too. But now I do t feel like he is the right one for me anymore, and I don't know what to do about it. Should I just trust that gut feeling that tells me to move on, or should I stay?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2013): Trust your gut! Always :)
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (11 November 2013):
Well what he said was really disrespectful to you and your culture. BUT it was also a sign of immaturity on his part. I could see it being a problem in the future if you don't address it now or soon. But I think it's something he could realize was really dumb and immature of him to say.
Ultimately, it's up to you if you want to go or stay. I think you could give him another chance. But we all have our own deal breakers, so if you feel that's a deal breaker, then end the relationship. If you feel it's something you can talk to him about and he can realize it was disrespectful and rude, then stay. If he does it again, then I'd leave.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2013): If he doesn't have respect for your culture; he doesn't have respect for you. He has no right to tell you how to treat your mother; nor to criticize someone he doesn't know. He may need more time to assimilate back into society. He has seen a lot while deployed; and his nerves are raw.His comment about your culture may not be directed at you, but was a generalized statement based on some of his life-threatening experiences with another culture during his service overseas. American Servicemen face anger and hatred from other cultures; while doing their duty. Often they've seen their comrades and fellow soldiers die at the hands of foreign soldiers and dissidents. He needs to have time to redefine the lines, and regain a proper perspective. What he said was unacceptable and totally out of line.I think he is more than you might be able to deal with at this time. I would recommend backing off, and following your gut to move on. You may discover more about him than you are prepared to deal with.
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