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female
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anonymous
writes: Help, I'm obsessed with my partners' ex girlfriend. I have been with my partner for nearly 7 years and I catch myself trying to compete with her, I've even tried being her friend, but she doesn't want to be. My partner cannot stand her or would even get back with her or if he ever really loved her. ButI just find myself so curious about her, she has moved on and has a new b/f but I just cant stand seeing her being happy, she really is a flaunter, when I first started dating my b/f she was really mean to me and I have nothing really to be jealous of her about, she just seems to have everything go her way and falls on her feat. She's not a nice person, but yet why do I obsess about her. I am not Bi or anything, has it got something to do with my self confidence? I know that I don't really have much. Please help me!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2006): I'm going thru the same thing. My partner and I have been together 10 years and I still get sick to my stomach when I think of all the things they shared together. I feel like I have to outdo her in every way. I have found myself wanting to know everything about her and I even look at her old yearbook picture to see how I measure up to her. I know my partner loves me, but I can't shake the feeling that I hate her just for making him happy while they were together. I don't know how to deal with this and I feel like I'm a stalker or something
A
female
reader, Jacqueline81 +, writes (31 May 2006):
It's good to know that I am not alone, I feel horrible, it's like a drug & I also feel trapped, I cannot afford therapy right now either. But it's good to know that I'm not the only one, I would like to know what else you's do? Or what have you done? I've caught myself going past her house etc. Has anyone else done this, I am disgusted with myself and feel like I'm a stalker. BRR
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2006): I am in the same situation: jealous of and obsessed with my partner's ex. He is over her, and wants to more than move on, but I find myself seeking every bit of information about her that I can. I feel trapped, but I don't know what to do, really. Job hunting at the moment, I can't afford a therapist right now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2006): im in the same situation as your self, i odsess about his x i check his cell phone i check his emails and i am totaly discusted with myself its like a drug i just cant seem to stop. im starting therapy next week for sexual abuse as this is the reason as to why i am the way i am, i will be recieving cognative therapy, this changes the way the brain thinks. i cant live like this and i sense you too wish to change therapy seems to be the only way forward. try it
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2006): Hi Jos, thank you so much for your answer, I know that I should probably do what you have recommended, go to a therapist. And that's what I will do, I am investing too much energy into this, what would I do, if I didn't have her to obsess over? Thankyou again.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (5 May 2006):
 You are obsessing about her because she was your parners ex. It's not about her, its about you and your partner, and really its about you. Your sense of security, self-belief and trust in your relationship.
7 years into a relationship is a long time to be feeling something like this. Feelings like this are very common but they tend to fade after a few years of being in a strong relationship. I myself have struggled a lot with jealousy of former partners, I know how difficult it can be. In fact, my choice in the end was to go to a therapist to get to the bottom of what was causing my problems (short answer: my sexual insecurity). I would recommend this to you, it's one of those things that is very hard to get over on your own and something that is hard to talk to your partner about in an open and honest way because you can come off sounding resentful, paranoid or untrusting. A therapist can be a great neutral person to talk to without being judged who will be able to get to the bottom of why you are feeling what you are feeling, and then give you advice on how to get past it.
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