A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi, im 16 my best friend(and the love of my life although she doesn't know it-but thats a different story)has just lost her cousin to MS.I just don't know what to do, it hurts me so much that i know i can't help her. I see her every day at school and most days after school and in the holidays and i also tend to stay there alot at night as i don't get on with my mum and i like being there(but thats again another story. Well thats just to give you abit of background. So anyway theres me, her and two others we are all the best of friends and have been for a long time. We are always together at school and out of school. Since her cousin has died that hasn't really changed its just obviously shes just so down and heart broken, i'm not in all of her lessons with her so i can't be there all the time through out school. It's really hard because i'm always wondering if shes ok. Shes not the type to open up to people and tell them whats bothering her. Its just you can tell how much she holds the tears back and how hard shes finding it, and to be honest if it was me i don't think id cope. I want her to open up to me more, cry if she needs to but she just won't she trys to hide it and act as if everythings normal. Now we are both in our last year of school which is an important one and shes been asking me for help alot with her work which she doesn't normally do, probably because shes finding it so hard to concentrate, how can i make sure that shes able to carry on school through this and not let it affect her work. I really really wnat to help her through this, how can i get her to open up to me more and not be so embarrased about being upset infront of me? How do i help nher through everything? and is there anything i can do while we are at school to help her take her mind off it etc? I think my basic question is how can i help her through it all? I really wanna be there for her but it feels so awkward im really not very good with people when they are upset but i really need to be there for her through this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2007): Hi there
Firstly I would like to tell you that it is nice and refreshing to hear of a boyfriend who cares so much about his partner and what she is going through, so good on you for caring and wanting to help her.
My advice to you would be to be as available as you can and to give her a cuddle when you see those tears welling up and say it is okay for her to feel down and that you will be there for her through it all. She might find it hard to open up her feelings, particularly when they are so sad at the moment. When someone close to you dies and this person was a big part of your life, people handle things in different ways. Maybe she is trying to "be strong" and "handle it". This however is really hard by the sounds of things for her. All you can really do is keep doing what you are doing, let her know quietly and calmly that you know she is hurting and that you are always going to be there to give her that shoulder to cry on. Grief is devastating and takes on its own process for recovery depending on the person effected. Some people boucne back others need more time and it sounds like your girlfriend just needs more time. Helping her with her work, when she needs it is awesome support. I would suggest you take a look at websites about grief and all it entails, many of them with have suggestions on how you can best support the person involved. If you can understand or identify where she is in this process it will help you know how you can best give her the support she needs. Good luck with it all, time tends to help and good on you for caring so much, let her know that!
A
female
reader, artistical_bumblebee +, writes (23 September 2007):
 honey im the same i dont really like to tel my friends whats bothering me shes lucky she has you someone who can read her like a book, but in the situation your in all you really can do is tell her that if she ever needs you your going ot be there for her that she can tell you anything and you wont judge her wont laugh at her that you will be her rock in a matter of words in times like these there is not much you can say or do but be there for her offer a listening ear mention to her sometimes that whatever she has stored inside of her you will be there to listen to it no matter how long it takes for her to express it all to you let her know that it wont burden you that whatever she has to tell you it won't affect your life because some people just dont want to tell their friends things on the grounds that they are worried they are being selfish by telling them if you like her i would advise you to tell her if shes asked for your help with her work take that oppurtunity to talk,if she will not than help her with her work if your worried that she may decline her attainment because of her bereavement encourage her, make her laugh bring out the happiness within her she will open up to you when shes ready but for the time being reassure her that your not going to leave her chow x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2007): sometime the most simple of things can break down someones barriers
just hug her...a really good long hug and just tell her you are there for her
in all honesty i would say telling her how you feel isnt the bet idea as she is v confused atm and it could only make things worse
so be a good strong friend now and take care of the love part when she is ready for it
good luck and i hope she is doing ok
x
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