A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Cant quite believe I’ve come to asking this sort of advice on a forum!I'm 27, I've mean with my bf 2 years now, living together but no kids, planning a life together etc etc. We've had a few problems which I’ll write about below; but basically what I’m asking is... I don’t know whether to end it or not and if so I'm not sure if I’m strong enough to cope!We had a massive argument (one of many) and as we stand, aren't an item, but need time for one of us to move out etc. Well this happens at least once a month and one or both of us will apologize and we'll make up. The problem is I get drunk and start an argument with him which escalates out of all proportions, I can say some really really hurtful horrible stuff. I seem to just want to make him as hut and upset as I am. Though I do feel that there is a justified reason for the initial out break, but not how far I go. He will retaliate - but I feel I am pushing and pushing him to retaliate. I am aware that 95% of our 'problem' arguments wouldn’t happen if I wasn’t drunk. He occasionally starts arguments (which I either react to or avoid), but I feel this is from annoyance (he finds it quite hard to express himself) of how I acted previously. He can get quite violent, where I am (all but one time) only verbal, again I feel I provoke him into this. However...the first time violence came into the relationship, it was me trying to throw punches at him (he could hold me off by the shoulders) when I actually found out he’d cheated on me, this was our first 'problem' argument. I nearly always bring up the cheating when it escalates After much stress/arguments over the cheating I got over it (he never actually apologized/admitted it, which I think is one of my massive problems with him). Though I feel I can except he made a bad mistake, which we all do!My life sucks at the moment, and I'm dealing with a lot of baggage, deep problems. Sometimes I think what ever he did I’d find a problem – am I taking it out on him/looking for someone to blame! Alcohol has also become a problem, I know I need some help, I've decided that now is crunch point... I'm going to get some help. I can pick faults in him and he's certainly not a positive influence on my life. This is my first serious relationship. I love him but I’m not sure if I’m in love with him or I care for him as a person. I cant bare going back to life without him. And I feel so much for him going through this hurt also. I just don’t know what to do. Any advice would be helpful. X x
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female
reader, TheFurFiles  +, writes (27 February 2011):
 I have this cat. He likes to eat plastic bags. When he does, he throws up about three or four times at various locations around the house - usually at least once on my beige couch. Now since he's a cat and not smart enough to know any better, the onus rests on me to do something about it. What do I do, you ask? Simple, I keep the plastic bags in the pantry closet with the doors closed.
So what am I saying? I'm saying that yes, your first priority is to STOP drinking, like yesterday. Get some help. Fighting with your boyfriend must be about as much fun as throwing up all the time. You probably do that too.
As for your boyfriend, if things don't turn around soon after you are clean, you should probably think of getting rid of him as well. If you are trying to focus on getting your own life in order, you certainly don't need him around making it worse.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2011): Well firstly well done for asking for help, you can see there is a problem and are taking steps to resolve it. Drinking changes your personality and if you are depressed at the moment it is like self medicating only problem is alcohol is a depressant itself, so whatever issues you are dealing with become 100 times worse after a drink and you will say and do things that you normally wouldn't, believe me I know, been there. You need to get help with drinking, talk to your doctor. As for your boyfriend if you truly aren't in love with him anymore then move on it may be tough for a while but you'll gain strength and happiness along the road. It sounds like you have already made your mind up to go it alone, but you must get help with the alcohol before it gets any worse, you need to deal with this issue before dealing with any other problem then you can think it all through on a clear head. If your BF truly loves you then he will help you get help and support and encourage you, if he doesn't then find a friend or family member who will. The first step is to acknowledge you have a problem and you have done that, but you need to make your nearest and dearest aware to. Hope this helps
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