A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am having a problem with my boyfriend. He seems unable to be comfortable with my sexual history. I am 22 yrs old. I decided long ago to abstain from sex until i was able to do it under my terms. I had boyfriends and dated guys but i often felt pressured to have sex with them, so I didnt until i got older. Before my boyfriend now, I had sex with three guys. I lost my virginity at the age of 21 through a one - night stand because I didnt want to be attached to my "first". The second guy I had sex with, i found out that we werent really compatible in a lot areas. And the third guy was a guy I really liked but got intimate too soon. I had sex with him once and ended our dating because I felt we had different fundamental beliefs. To me my sexual past was trial and error. I soon discovered that i didn't want to have sex with a guy outside of a relationship because sex was better for me if I cared about the guy. I am now with my boyfriend. I told him about my past (with the exception of loosing my virginity with a one-night stand) but he gives off this vibe that he is disappointed in me and I am not as virtuous as he initially thought. I am not sure to break up with him or stay with him to work things out. I am so confused.
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lost my virginity, sexual past Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010): STDs. Look it up.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 July 2010):
 You want to break up with him over a "vibe" you get?
Woman, talk to your man. Ask him what the deal is. And tell him if he can't deal with you for who you are you need to break it off, because you want to (and deserve) to be with someone who loves you for you. And you have had 3 sexual partners before, and in my opinion that is very few.
So you lost your virginity to a one night stand. I don't see the problem with that, however I agree it is not something you should share with a future boyfriend. In fact, don't share your sexual history at all. It is enough that he knows the amount of partners, if he wants to know. He does not, under any circumstances, have the right to know with whom. That is private. Your past history is yours, and no guy has any business with it.
But, you are running away from a relationship without even knowing if there is an issue. You get a vibe from him. What about having a talk with him before you pack up your things and leave?
Did he believe you were a virgin? What exactly did he expect? It is normal that a woman your age has had sexual partners. I find it hard to believe your boyfriend expected otherwise. Maybe the vibe you pick up isn't from his disappointment in your supposedly "high" number of partners, but he is surprised you have had so few? Maybe you are drop dead gorgeous and he though you had more experience? Or he just wants sex with you right away and is disappointed that he needs to wait since you are not th eone to just jump into bed with a guy?
Maybe he is disappointed because you didn't do dishes that particular day and it has nothing to do with your sexual history?
Just a vibe isn't gonna cut it. Talk to the guy. Get things clear. If he DOES have an issue with the number and will hold it against you, definitely leave. You do need a man who will love you for you, and not for some ideal he wish you were.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 July 2010):
Definitely dump him. He's not worth a second of your time.
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A
female
reader, oldromantic2010 +, writes (9 July 2010):
How dare he!!!!!
He should be proud that his girl waited that long and has the beliefs you do. Sounds like you need to get rid of him. I lost my virginity at 15 and have slept with 10 people and my boyfriend loves the earth I walk on!!!!
Get rid of him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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