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female
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anonymous
writes: i have been sleeping with this guy for about a year randomly. We have been on a couple of dates, but he's completely unreliable!! he blows hot and cold and i dont know where i stand. all his mates seem to know who i am, and all say he really likes me but he's scared?? i want him to be my boyfriend but am not sure what to do?? any suggestions???? i haven't heard from him since sunday morning, when he left after a late night phone call on saturday. he stayed the night then left. I feel a bit used. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (9 June 2006):
 I completely agree with Wendyg's comments, this man really does have it on a plate for him whenever he feels like it.
Don't devalue yourself to that degree.
Stop the sex immediately and ask him outright where you stand as you are fed up with being picked up and dropped whenever he feels like it.
The scared comment is a load of rubbish in my opinion. If you had known him for a couple of months then that might be the case but a year on and nothing more than as and when is not being scared it is just being free to see whoever else is around.
If he is casual with you then he could be having casual sex with others and that is very dangerous. Do you take precautions at all when you have sex with him?
If he is not prepared to be in a relationship with you then it is time that you find a man who is willing to be a true boyfriend to you and have the whole relationship thing with you which means seeing you regularly and going out together.
The fact that this guy's mates know who you are could be oh yes that's the one I see as and when.
Don't settle for that, you are worth so much more and you could be treated like a princess instead of the woman indoors who doesn't get attention but a quick sex session.
Be strong and see him for what he is, you are by the sounds of it quite young and full of life so get out there girl and find a real man who wants to be with you as much as possible and treat you right. That is what a relationship is and not a few fleeting visits when he can get round to seeing you but it is always on his terms at the moment so if you want more either draw back or withdraw completely.
Don't be used anymore that's all I'm saying.
We are all here for you to chat to at anytime so never feel low OK.
Life is for the living and we get one chance of it so don't sit around waiting for this guy but look to your future and what you want out of life eh!
BFN
Country Woman
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A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (9 June 2006):
 Hmm your able to randomly have sex with him but cant ask if he wants more ? You have been having sex on and off with him for a year but hes scared of what ? that if he says no to a relationship his casual sex disappears ? I would indeed say that he is using you and whilst you continue to let him hes hardly going to stop is he ? If you do want to take things into the realms of a relationship you are going to have to ask him, what have you got to lose ? at the moment its a casual thing, sex when he wants it, you want more, but if he cant give you more, then you will know where you stand, if you just sit back and let him carry on then you will be none the wiser. If he does want a realtionship then when you ask him he will tell you. Other than that you will continue to wonder and question it all and still feel used. If your able to sleep together then I think a conversation needs to also be had so that you both know where you are headed. At least then you will know if hes worth having as a boyfriend.
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