A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:For the past 2 months I've been in a primarily texting friendship with a guy I met when I was visiting friends on the other side of the country. We've become very close, and it's basically been a never ending marathon of instant messaging, voice notes and the occasional phone call.He'd just gotten out of a 3 year relationship 2 months before we met, and I'd also just gotten free of a rather shitty situationship, and there was an instant attraction. Predictably, our friendship escalated, nudes were exchanged etc. He even planned on coming to see me at the end of February.However, about 2 weeks before then, he told me his ex had reached out to him and they'd talked about their relationship: she wanted to get back together. He felt he owed it to her to hear what she had to say and that there was a chance of reconciliation because he still had feelings for her. A week later, he told me they'd decided to work out their issues. I saw it coming, so I wasn't mad- just disappointed.The only problem is, I may have fallen for him. At the risk of sounding like I'm pedestalizing him, he's pretty much perfect (except he has a girlfriend now ). He's genuinely sweet, kind and generous, and his thoughtfulness stays catching me off guard. He's the first guy I've met who legitimately cares about my well-being. It's been a shitty year, and I've been down in the dumps, but he's been my rock through it all- motivating me and pushing me to be better. At the same time, he shares a lot with me and I've also been a motivator and sounding board for him. We're both studying for professional exams, so we have a plan going where we start studying at the same time and check in with each other to keep each other accountable. (This was in place before he got back with his ex.)Since their reconciliation, nothing has changed with us except we've tried to keep our conversations appropriate. We still talk through the day, study together, and fall asleep chatting. I've tried to pull back but he initiates every morning with a good morning text, and so it continues. There's still a strong sexual attraction but we're not speaking on it anymore, and of course it helps that we're a thousand miles apart.It's just so.. confusing. At the root of it, he's one of the good ones and I know he would never cheat on his girlfriend, not that I'd want him to. And it's also very possible that he thinks he has to be there for me, since he knows how rough my year has been and this is all just him being a great friend. But then I try to think from the perspective of his girlfriend- I wouldn't want my boyfriend talking to the same girl every single day for hours on end, no matter how platonic the friendship is. I don't know if he knows I like him, but he most certainly knows I'd like to jump his bones at the very least.I don't know if it matters, but his relationship is also long distance. I'm not expecting anything here- I never did, not even when he was single because I figured he needed time to get over his ex. But I'm not sure if it's healthy or even appropriate for us to be in so much contact when I'm confused and he's in a relationship. At the same time, I've gotten really used to him and I don't want our friendship to change per se.I'm just not sure how to proceed :/
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 March 2016):
 I'd talk to him and ask him to delete all nudes sent to him from you.
THAT would be my first step.
Second step would be to delete all his nudes as well, and then cut the contact. He was and is using you as a spare. A rebound.
He rebounded RIGHT back with the ex, but wants to keep you around in case it doesn't work out. And honestly, that isn't fair to you.
And I think he was sort of a rebound for you as well, which is why is escalated so quickly with you two.
Make sure (best as you can) that he deletes any naughty pics you don't want floating around and move on.
I don't think there is anything for you with him.
And you are right when you say :
"But then I try to think from the perspective of his girlfriend- I wouldn't want my boyfriend talking to the same girl every single day for hours on end, no matter how platonic the friendship is."
Don't be THAT girl.
A
female
reader, miss frank  +, writes (4 March 2016):
Hi. Hes keeping his options open, having his cake and eating it too. His partner will not know about you and all the contact you two are having. He is cheating with you. You describe all the long distant things that happen in a relationship that is long distance. The falling asleep today talking or texting...every day all day long contact...come on you know full well what's going on here, and keeping clear of the sexual talk isn't masking it....when is he in contact with his actual girlfriend? My bet is he is texting simultaneously with you! Think about it...bring it to a close.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (4 March 2016):
 Hon, This guy as nice as he sounds needs to get off the fence and make a decision.
Either you or his ex. It sounds like he cannot make up his mind and needs a Plan B in case Plan A doesn't work out.
Does his gf know that you two are in contact? I cant honestly say that he is reconciling with his gf if he is spending all his time chatting/in contact with you.
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