A
female
age
36-40,
*ovemeright11
writes:If a man says he feels like your his family and starts claiming your bedroom at your house is his and your cat is his too I would think this is a good thing but I am not sure i am having the right reaction too it. When he said these things I reacted odd so I want to say the right thing cause I do feel it is great that he feels so close with me. What is the right way to go about it? I have never had a man tell me he feels like we are a family like he did we are not married but sure sounds like future talk to me and thats fine. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (5 June 2011):
 how long have you two been together? that is the defining factor in weather this behaviour is a good thing/natural progression within a relationship, or a rapidly approaching red flag "awwwooogggaa" noise in your mind.
how long have you two been going out???
if its less than six months and he is claiming ownership of your cat then i would express concern.
if you have been going out for two years then its a bit different.
is he broody at all? and as someone else pointed out, does he have family of his own?
ask him if he wants kids, also do you want to settle down at this age? as you are in your twenties- some people want to settle when young, others when older.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 June 2011):
 If it makes you happy, just smile and say that makes you happy, and that it makes you think of the future.
However, you will be wise to not think of the future. Do not think that because he says he feels like family, that he is family, or will be family. Words are words. Live in the presence, or else you will be disappointed if you expect too much.
If you want to know his thoughts of the future, ask him about it directly, instead of trying to add meaning to his words.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (5 June 2011):
Hi there. Does he have any family himself? If so, is he close to all of them?
The reason I ask this, is if he had no family, it would be a natural feeling to have something he never did have before as he was growing up.
If on the other hand he does have family and siblings, and they do all get along well, he could be just making a comment that he feels comfortable with you - as if you were family to him.
If you have only just met - within a couple of weeks - you do need to be careful that he's not getting too familiar with you too soon. Taking over your bedroom would be a warning sign to me, because it could be interpreted as controlling behaviour.
So please, be very careful that things aren't happening too soon for what you would consider to be normal.
Do you live with your parents or alone?
If you feel things are happening too quickly, you do need to ask him to slow things down a bit, and that you don't feel comfortable with it. Be polite and respectful with him when you tell him this.
Sometimes a red flag is things happening too quickly and a man wanting to get very serious way too quick, and seemingly like it was a race to get a woman to the altar. So be aware of what it happening over the next few weeks and look for signs of being very short tempered (over nothing), mood swings or agression - which could indicate drug use.
If anything like that does happen, be very very wary. Drug use by him, could become very dangerous for you - or even life threatening in some cases, especially if he becomes violent.
I really hope that drug use isn't what's happening.
If it isn't drug use, well then he's either a very relaxed person or even slightly insecure in some way.
Don't do or say anything that indicates to him that you want to think about getting married to him at some point. Don't even hint at it. Just be careful and gauge what's really happening - on a daily basis.
It's just not possible to get to know a person thoroughly until you have been together for at least 6 months to a year or so. It doesn't happen immediately.
When two people first meet, everyone's on their best behaviour and are very careful to not take a single step out of place, just in case it all ends too soon. So keep this in mind also.
The main thing is you already have some minor concerns about his familiarity, so let your heart be your guide as to what you believe feels right. Always listen to what your heart is telling you - it never leads you astray, so you have to trust it always.
Be careful, keep safe.
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