A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:A new guy joined my company three weeks ago. he transferred over from another company in our group after I heard his work was really great (I run the company). He’s middle aged, been working a long time but in a different line of work to what we do so we’ve got to help him out to get up to speed. I’m not sure what it is but from day one he gives of vibes of low confidence but trying to cover it up. You know when someone’s vibrational energy is really low?He’s also incessantly looking for my validation. Literally every five minutes. It’s turned quite painful and draining to be on the receiving end of it.And the twist is that in the last week or so he’s also started trying to flirt with me and ask me a lot about my personal life. Sometimes in appropriately and in front of my team. We’re a small team and I’m a female boss about ten years younger than him. He’s a single guy. I have no interest in him- I don’t date my employees and he doesn’t really know enough about me to know if I’m single or not (unless he asked my team).I can’t work out if he’s just trying to make connections, hasn’t quite figured out what’s suitable behaviour in the world of work because his experience has been quite sheltered or if he’s really insecure.Any thought cupiders?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (31 January 2020):
 I too would guess he was "laterally dumped" on you because he wasn't working out for his old team and YOU can see why. He has the social grace and skills of a slug.
I would also suggest to take him aside, hand him ANY handbook your company has and talk him through what YOUR boundaries are, what you will NOT tolerate and what you expect of him. Like working independently. Work WITH the team, take responsibility and initiative.
And while I absolutely get the "low energy vibe you mention" you (like WiseOwlE mentioned) can NOT base your evaluation on "vibes". Either he is competent, can learn, can work within the team, and can do his job or... he can't.
THAT is what you need to evaluate him on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2020): Use your management-skills. Does your company have an ethics and conduct manual? Then provide him one. Plainly inform him that you prefer a civil and professional work-environment; where everyone feels respected and comfortable.
Pull him aside and inform him that all discussions on the job will be work-related, and your personal-life is off-limits. Don't chide him like a child, or in-front of the team. Maintain your professional-poise and composure. I know how it feels, I've been asked inappropriate questions...I'm gay, but I'm a professional on my job. My sexual-orientation has nothing to do with that! I don't have to be "out" to anybody, unless I choose to be!
My guess is he was dumped on your department; because they didn't know what else to do with him. You may not be the only one uncomfortable with his "peculiarities." He must have warn-out his welcome; or his skills are no longer relevant at his last work location. They're giving him an opportunity to cross-train; instead of canning him altogether! Good luck!
Makes no sense that he was plopped in the middle of a team of pros without any related job-experience; or suitable qualifications for what you do there. It appears your upper-management makes flaky decisions. Either that, or they just didn't know what to do with him, and he landed in your lap!
As for his "vibes?" You don't evaluate employees based on their vibes. You observe and assess their job-skills, productivity, and work-performance. Obviously, he's a bit out of his usual element. It's your job to determine where he fits into the scheme of things.
Everyone has their weird quirks, and some people may be a little eccentric. Try to be objective, and contain your personal-prejudices. His age is irrelevant.
His previous work-environment was probably more chummy and casual. People probably got to know each other. If he's being flirtatious, you simply inform him you'll have enough of that! It isn't appropriate! Then give him a very cold hard stare. He'll get your point.
If it's inappropriate, tell him so! You're the boss!
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (31 January 2020):
 You need to let him know that your personal life is off limits, especially if he is making inappropriate comments.
If he is shy and a bit socially inept he may be trying to connect, or get on your good side, or become part of the team … especially if he is doing work he is unfamiliar with.
Maybe a one on one, start off telling him how pleased you are he has joined your team because you've heard good things about him, then raise the issue of your private life, tell him you are talking to him in private in case he was unaware your private life is not up for discussion and then end the conversation with something positive about how you are sure he will soon be up to speed.
After that if the inappropriate happen again, first instance remind him your private life is just that, private, second time cut him off at the knees.
Good luck.
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