A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing my next door neighbour for nearly six months now. He stays at mine most nights, and we sometimes have sex however her never kisses me and he really isn't intimate at all outside of the bedroom. Its almost like he doesn't find me attractive. I can't work out how he feels about me and am too scared to talk to him about it. I don't understand if he just wants us to be friends - but why then does he want to stay over...etc etc. Really need some advice as i am starting to think its something wrong with me....
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2008): I think emilyanswers gave you the truth.
He may be a friend, but you haven't asked for more. You are a convenient bed buddy and if you want more I think this time you are going to need to look further than your own back yard.....If it were me, I would start dating other men and not sleep with them....don't be so available, cut him off, no more sex and see if he still wants to spend time with you.
The not kissing part is really telling....he is not emotionally involved with you at all....or you would not be asking the question. He is attracted to you physically enough to have sex with you. But did you know that a lot of men will tap anything as long as it is not an old lady. Having sex with you means nothing to most men. If they are wanting a relationship, if they love and respect you, they will let you know. Men are very good about going after what they want and making sure that you don't get away.....this guy is a total loser.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2008): He didn't have to work hard for you.He lives next door.He gets the sex.He leaves.
He has no feelings for you whatsoever.A guy with feelings definitely shows attention outside the bedroom too.
This is the main reason I say sex with out love is meaningless.Make him wait!.Most of us women are brought up reading fairy tales.Didn't you expect he will get to grow to feel something for you.Most of the guys don't.He has already found his superficial treasure(your body).The treasure of the heart is invaluable to him now.
There is nothing wrong with you.You might be really attractive.But with out self esteem and self respect you cannot get what you really wish for.Feelings and emotions from a guy.Its just 6 months.There is still hope.
Do tell him that you value yourself as more than a vagina for a guy.Things cannot continue as you feel unloved.You did expect that something would come out of it.If he walks out of the door on hearing this he is totally not worth it.Say Good riddance and please wait for a guy who will look at your heart too the next time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2008): It sounds to me like the two of you, when you're together like this, are behaving much the same as probably 50% of married couples that have been together for a few years!
Why are you scared to ask him about it? Communication is important and there seems to be precious little of it between you.
Maybe he sees you as a convenient bedfellow to keep him warm and satisfied at night, but you won't get to the bottom of it without asking him - or better still, telling him what you feel is missing.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (31 December 2008):
So he's getting free sex, on tap, with no questions asked and no relationship or anything else that he has to deal with?
He's onto a winner there!!
Of course he wants to be your friend. He's going to be just nice enough that you'll let him have sex with you and no more.
He sees you as an easy lay.
If you want a relationship then don't have sex until you are sure he wants one too. Don't be so easy. You are making a mistake that most girls make when they are 17 - thinking that if you have sex with them then it means they must like you.
If you want a relationship then go out and find one, but all this guy is going to give you is simple sex. Use him for that and no more.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, wilma_flintstone +, writes (31 December 2008):
 i am kind of in the same boat as you. but me and (fred) also have a child 2gether. i would just ask him outright.'do you want to be with me or not?' kind of straight down the line but the worst he can say is no. and if thats the case he's not the one for you.
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