A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, new here.Question about addiction. My ex-boyfriend and the father of my 10 year old had, when we were together, a big drug problem. We split up 3 years ago. He used to smoke cannabis every day (had 'come downs' when he couldnt get any) spent most of our money on cocaine for weekends, and even when I wasnt about (he did this mostly at home) he would get wasted with his mates. This went on for 6 years. He is 34 now. We split up because of his abusive behaviour, his spending of drugs, and his bullying. He would say that he did it (drugs) because I made him bored, as I wouldnt do drugs, and he would say I was boring (I was a mum!!) He did drugs when I met him but not to the amount he did when we were together,He immediately met with another woman who had no kids and they are still together. Every opportunity he gets he says he is happier than he has ever been and that he does not do drugs or drink any more, because he is happy now. On low moments, I think maybe that being a 'grown up' did make him bored, and even though we are doing fine on our own, I dont want to enter a relationship just in case it goes the same way, ie I make someone so bored they start using drugs and the only way they will find happiness again is to meet someone else who will make them happier that they wont want to!I am of course concerned about our child being around him while taking drugs, but he works hard and when i have expressed my concerns, this is when ive been told that he no longer uses, just stopped, due to the love of a better woman. He also doesnt bully her, as 'she wouldnt allow it'. I wish them well and I hope he doesnt, but then it comes back to me, doesnt it?Does this happen? Was it me? should I still be concerned? btw he doesn't believe in counselling, he says its a waste of time and he has never needed it (for the drugs, anger, his mother whom he hates, nothing!!)
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2012): Can happen yes, especially if he was using drugs to escape his reality.He may not have been addicted as such, just a user.
I think lots of people try them, go through a phase, drink and drugs do soften the edges, not that I have tried but do know others who have and moved on.
Your saying he's now working hard, off the drugs, seeing his son and is happy in his relationship- sounds reasonable.
I know its hard to swallow after all he put you through, but you weren't matched thats all. Some partners cheat others drink, some get violent. But it just means THEY are unhappy with things , not that you have done anything wrong
I would forget the past now,and his life, just focus on your future and making you and your new son happy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello, thank you for y our responses. Our son sees him and I never have stopped this, its just the question does someone stop because they are happier?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2012): I would imagine your son would relate any problems he has when with your Ex. He would make excuses not to go, he's ten and well able to work out a bad situation - if there was one.
You can't stop him seeing his dad, but you can monitor the situation. I understand totally your concerns about drugs and wanting to protect your son. I know users lie - but you have to give him the benefit of doubt unless proved otherwise.
As for him going on about how happy he is with his new woman,thats just immature - he's doing it to wynd you up.Ignore it.Have you met her yet?
Just because it hasn't worked out with this man doesn't mean you will have the same problems with another - unless you actively seek out addicts of some form - which I doubt.
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female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (23 February 2012):
 I can see where you are coming from with your worry here but he does have a right to see his son. If you son knows he can talk to you about anything I'm sure he will tell you if he's feeling uncomfortable about being with his Dad. I wonder if you get on with the new girlfriend? If so try to cultivate some sort of relationship with her too.
Also DO NOT rise to your ex's constant baits about how happy he is now. Truly happy people don't say things like that, he's doing it to annoy you.
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