A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Where to begin, I've been seeing this girl since feb. of the year and she was fairly recently out of a long relationship(just over 3 years)We started out as just friends with benefits, and I slowly came to realize I wasn't the only one she was fooling around with. Which is fine, we weren't exclusive and I told her "you need to get her head on straight, do what makes you happy, figure out what you need" Time goes by and we start getting closer again, and she starts telling me she "wants to be mine" but I'm reluctant because she's always with the other guy and texting all the time. She said she's cutting it off with the other guy and is just going to be friends with him(he's her best friend). I'm cautious and start getting closer to her again, she starts saying things a couple would typically say(she said she's mine, etc). She still is receiving texts and spending an abundance of time with him, but I trust and show just a little jealousy with the texts when we hang out.She had a trip planned several months now for 2 weeks in florida with him, which of course I'm a little wary about and let her know that I was worried about it and she says she'll call me every night and "not to worry!" She leaves for Florida and she holds up her end of the bargain and calls me several times, and reassures everything is fine. Tells me how much she misses me and how bad she can't wait to get back.She posts some of her pictures from the trip on facebook. I look at them and spot bite marks on the guys neck. I call her up and ask "are you sure nothing is going on with you guys?" she lies and says "everything is fine" I than confront her about the pictures and she starts lying saying they started to make out, than gives up and comes clean when I tell her "I'm not buying it"She says it really is over now, and is telling me how stupid she has been and says she will do anything to try and get me back, and to wait till she gets back home before I make any decisions about it. She is telling me very personal things, which leads me to think it could be the truth. She confessed cheating several times after she said they were over. What should I do? I have trust issues as it is... I like her a lot but trust is a hard thing to earn. I don't have problems with woman and don't need the drama. I can't decide whether to give her another chance... She comes back tomorrow, and I get to see her monday. Any help would be appreciated
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, GettingInYourBizness +, writes (1 August 2010):
 Honestly,
I don't think it can go anywhere long-term with this chick.
Usually on DearC, it's the chick who posts Q's like this.
Yes, she can love you and care for you. But it's just like some guys that can love a chick, but sleep with other women too.
When starting a relationship with someone, values, morals, character, have to come into play and need to be evaluated before proceeding.
If monogamy is top priority for you, I think you should look else where.
And upfront I think starting a relationship as friends with benefits is a recipe for disaster.
If I evaluate the entire situation, early-mid 20's chick, just came out of a 3 year relationship, is seeing 2 guys, it seems that she's the kind of person that hasn't spent a lot of time being single when she younger and is trying to enjoy that lifestyle now.
No one says that you can't have a cooling time and just go back to friends (if you feel it's worth it all) and then keep contact to see what happens while keeping your options open to meeting new people.
But be realistic, she went on vacation with this guy, slept with this guy, talks/texts this guy = she does have feelings for him, sounds like a classic love triangle.
Hoped it just opened your mind up a bit to what's going on in her head.
A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (1 August 2010):
Shes a player and a bull *hiter shes likes playing head games. and shes going to leave the other guy? how much time does she need! while you are hanging around well shes probably telling him the same about you. and for the drama, can't deal w/ it myself i just don't get it.
Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010): She said she cut things off with him, when she hadn't. She lied to you about the bite marks on the other guy's neck. She only admitted cheating when you more or less forced her. Now that she's in this tight spot of losing one of her men, she's making promises. But remember, she already promised you it was over!
You're right, you don't need the drama, and she wasn't considerate of your feelings when you expressed even a little jealousy. You were VERY generous by not demanding she not see him at all, knowing her history with him.
I'd say you're better off without this one. She sounds like a typical serial cheater.
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A
female
reader, LyricStorm +, writes (1 August 2010):
 As a women in my honest opion i believe that if you really want to be with her you should work it now!! NOW that does not mean getting lied to and cheated on one single bit, If she wants to be with you and not the other guy then she will have to make some decisions. Either she give him up or you......
I hope that isnt to harsh or anything but you deserve to be happy like the rest of the world and if she does not want to treat you right then you need to move on...
Dont give her to many opitions with this situation, she may feel like you are controling her but you will be just controling who messes with your heart, tell her to quit the texting and the hanging out WITHOUT YOU if she indeed wants to be his FRIEND then it should be ok for you to go hang out with them. That trip they took is unacceptable and really i would have left her alone right then and there because if you was going out of town with your FEMALE FRIEND it would be a big issue TRUST ME. So dont let her contuide to mess with your heart. I dont know but i will say this EVERYONE DESERVES TO BE WITH SOMEONE WHO IS AS HONEST AND TRUTHFUL AS THEM:)
Hey hope this can help;
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