A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I fear I may have been a massive bitch to a boy - so excuse the length, but I need to be honest here if I am to get honest answers back. There was this guy I met at uni about 4 months ago. He was really nice and sweet and we really got on. We started off as friends and then it progressed in to something more tanone night at his we were watching dvds, drinking wine, and we kissed eachother. It was lovely. He just kept kissing me all over and I just lay back and it felt like bliss. Then things progressed by the day and we ended up having sex, a lot of sex. It was all going really well and at first the sex was ok. I mean, it wasn't amazing sex but I put that down to him being nervous cos I was a new girlfriend. Everything else was fine, he cooked me dinners, we went out places but then we'd always come back and have sex and I'd always kinda be left feeling satisfied. He never did anything in bed. It was always me pleasuring him. And it all felt a bit selfish and unsatisfying. I guess this started to get to me, and then ultimately we finished it because I think I was project my unsatisfaction on to him. Which was probably a bit mean. After we broke up I guess I went a bit on a "now Im single, I can kiss lots of men" streak, which probably wasnt the best thing to do but I did it anyways. I drank a lot, and on a lot of occasions, I phoned him up drunk and upset about various thing and he'd come round and comfort me and cheer me up. I've been thinking a lot lately about how sweet he has been to me and am wondering if I've just been the biggest bitch ever. I think I still like him, but Im not sure I can be with someone so selfish in the bedroom. Please help, Im very confused. I dont even know if I miss the sex. I miss the kisses and warmth tho. :(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): He's not selfish, he just can't read minds. Unless you tell him what you want, how can he do it? The best sex I have ever had is after I was married, after a year and after we had LEARNED to pleasure each other, communicated about the issue, and worked through it. Some men don't do anything because they don't think they have to! Nobody has ever told them otherwise, and neither did you! If he watches lots of porn, has had lots of other quiet but unsatisfied gfs in the past and thinks he's awesome in bed (doesn't everyone?) then he's simply not going to think about your pleasure much. You have to SHOW him. Any man worth his salt will be more than happy to oblige.
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