A
female
age
30-35,
*uiMuiAngie
writes:Hi, well, a guy asked me to go out a couple of times, so we went on a few dates, but never got into anything serious, and it was all very innocent-nothing more than holding hands. I wasn't too sure whether I liked him or not, but I had a lot of things going on at that time, so I just carried on as normal. After I'd sorted out my problems, I decided that I did like him. I never told him all of this by the way. At a party, I heard a rumour that he didn't want a relationship and only wanted sex. Naturally, I wanted to find out whether this was true or not so I called him to find out where we both stood. It turns out that he didn't say he only wanted sex, but he told me: "At the moment, I just can't be bothered". I was glad he told me the truth, but I was a bit annoyed as well. I'm not sure what I should do now though. Someone told me that they thought he had some issues at home, which is why he doesn't want a relationship right now, but I don't feel like I'm close enough to him to ask him about it. I don't know if he expects me to wait around for him because he said "at the moment", like he could be bothered in the future. And I don't know how I should act around him now. Do I let him know that I'm annoyed? Or should I just act normally with him? I want to let him know that I'm not a pushover and that he can't just drop me and pick me up whenever he feels like it, but I don't want to push him away either. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (2 June 2008):
 You might be reading far too much into what he said.
We all have bad days, or even bad weeks or bad months. Whether it's sex, or doing the ironing, or going to the pub, or making the effort to be nice to someone, there are times when everyone feels "At the moment I just can't be bothered".
It's not always tactful or sensible to actually say it, but it's a feeling that everyone gets at some time or other.
So don't take it too seriously. If you like him, then see if you can go back to the "holding hands" stage, and just see what develops. Perhaps he was only being too honest about what he was feeling at that particular moment - and honesty about feelings and emotions is a rare quality in any guy. Maybe he'll learn a little tact too, given time!
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (2 June 2008):
 "At the moment" is a very tricky phrase. It can mean exactly what it means, that is, "right now and for a short period of time", or it can be a way to tell you to get out for an indefinite period, which can last forever. You can see that in your own decision about sorting out your problems and that.
I think you should just play it cool. Don't let this get to you. Behave normally with him. After all, in a way, he's doing just what you did before. If anyone interesting comes along, go for him. You can't be at anybody else's mercy.
Take care.
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