A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I'm in a bit of a pickle right now and I could use some advice. Me and my girlfriend have been going out for about six months now. And we started talking about how we feel about sex. She told me she wants to wait until marriage and I'm fine with that, but when I asked her if she meant every kind of sex she said yes. Marriage could be 7-10 years down the road, I'm fine with no sex but do I have any reason to be upset because doesn't want to do anything? Mind you I'm not shallow and not wanting sex at the moment, it's just something that concerns meThanks in Advance!!P.S. We're both virgins
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2008): what's the big deal about not having sex for a long time, or even ever ?. It's not the end of the world if you dont do it.
A
male
reader, WastedLife +, writes (4 May 2008):
All the answers so far here are from women, and I do think you need at least one guy's perspective.
Waiting 7-10 years in your 20's for sex is essentially losing your 20's. Sex is not shallow, or at least it should not be. It is sacred and the essence of life itself, and life is short. There is no guarantee that you will even live that long! I would suggest that you talk to your girlfriend and let her know that sexual union is sacred, special, and very important to you. Suggest that you two get married much sooner, like in the next six months, or that you otherwise sanctify your relationship, like a formal engagement, and then get sexual to the degree that you are both comfortable with. A sad thing is that after a few years of waiting, either member of the couple may change and decide that they either don't want to get married to the other, or that they want sex with a third party. Sexual union actually brings a couple very much closer together if it happens under the right circumstances, and it's a real shame to deprive both of you of this joy simply to have a deferred wedding. If she is not amenable to either choice, you might be better off finding someone else for the short term, or if appropriate, finding a new girlfriend entirely. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (20 April 2008):
 Things are not always black and white.
You are still young and there are many things you have not experienced or encountered in your life.
At your age, you do have high ideals about life , sex and
marriage but as the months progressed, you may want to change those ideals.
Whatever you idealized, it is not forever.
It is not the cannons of life.
Somewhere down the road , you or she may change.
Remember , the journey in life is not a straight road....
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (20 April 2008):
I disagree with Kay - I don't think you are shallow. It's natural for you at your age to be thinking of sex. I'm very proud that at 18-21 you are still a virgin... what with all the posts on here about 12 year olds wanting to have sex. I think after only dating 6 months it's too soon to be thinking about marriage. You are in a pickle, that's for sure. I guess you have to decide for yourself what you want and if you want to wait. If you don't then you might need to find another girlfriend.
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (20 April 2008):
 If that is what your girlfriend wants and you love her then you should respect her decision. I don't think you do have a reason to be upset at all. You told her you do not mind waiting for her, which is the right thing to do. But to get upset about not being able to have any sex? If you want a girl who will fool around then don't date this one. If you loved her then it wouldn't be a problem to wait. I can understand wanting to do something now and not wanting to wait 7 years but bottom line is if you love her and it's what she wants then that is how it will be. Like I said, if you don't feel that you can wait for her then go get girls who are having sex with any guy who talks to them. They are everywhere. You have a special girl, don't lose her. Good luck with everything.
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