A
female
age
30-35,
*rystals20
writes: i have been dating my fiance for four years, i am 20 yrs old and i have been with him since i was 16. We had a very healthy relatonship, for a very long time. on our three yr anniversary we moved into an apartment together for the first time, and things went down hill from there. We just have drifted apart, we tried healthy sex to spark things up, tried going on dates one day a week, but nothing seems to be working for me, i know i love him, but i feel like i am just not in love with him anymore. I started working at this new job, and i became good friends with some people up there, and we went on a trip to florida for 2 days, and i havent had that much fun in forever. one of my friends that is a guy has a crush on me, and this weekend he really expressed it, and i was really close in jeopardizing my relationship with my fiance. i am so attracted to this guy, and he really turned me on. me and my fiance havent had sex in 3 weeks, i just dont want too..and im not in the mood too with him, im not exactly attracted to him anymore. But i feel like if i express my feelings to him about it, i might regret it, and it just be a phrase i may be going in. hes all i know here, ive been dating him since i moved to this town, and without him i wont know anyone, besides this new friends i made. i dont know what i should, should i take the chance this may be a phase, or...its time to let him go?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2011): it's over. Be strong and do what has to be done.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2011): I'm in the "it's over" camp as well. It's not really fair to your fiance to keep the relationship going if you're not attracted to him.
Having said that, my advice would be to try to break it off on as good of terms possible (if that's what you decide to do). It's strange how things turn out in life, and you might find yourself wanting him back down the road after you've dated more and possibly discovered that the other men weren't everything you thought they were going to be.
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A
female
reader, cinc71  +, writes (19 August 2011):
 I totally agree, i think it's over also. You will hurt him but you can't stay in a relationship you don't want either and be miserable. Love fades sometimes, sad but true. I think you give it a try by going on dates and stuff but maybe it's too little too late. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, mrg123  +, writes (19 August 2011):
 I dont think this is just a phase. I think this relationship has reached its natural end and everything that is happening to you, the lack of attraction to him, the attraction to this new guy to the point where you were obviously a whisker away from cheating is absolutely screaming to you 'this is over'. I don't think its just a phase and if your honest isn't the key reason you want to stay in this sentence:
"hes all i know here, ive been dating him since i moved to this town, and without him i wont know anyone"
Your scared of being alone and ultimately that is not a good enough reason to stay where you are. It may be enough now but what about in the future when you have a firmer base and know more people. I don't think your a bad person but I dont need to be a soothsayer to predict that if you try and make it work with your finance then it may work for a while but there is a very, very good chance you will end up cheating, you will end up getting whammed and hooking up etc, etc because your finace simply isnt what you want anymore.
Better surely to avoid all that and make a clean break now? It will hurt him but less so than if you let things slide and do end up doing something like that. What if you have kids and your trapped in a loveless marriage? Better to be cruel now and show long-term kindness and consideration. I really do feel quite strongly you need to end this now; it is going to be hard in the short term, but look ahead to the long term and there is only one right answer here and that is to end it. Sorry, hope that wasnt too brutal. Good luck and take care :)
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