A
male
age
,
*andj
writes:Hi...Iv just turned 60 and have a lovely wife who has just turned 32. Yes a big age gap I know. We have been married since 2004 and during that time have been apart once. I'm having a lot of problems with my age and the fact that I feel that my life is rapidly coming to an end. I'm taking this out on my wife by not responding to the affection she is always showing me. She has been staying out a couple of nights at her brothers. So she says but after a night in hospital I came home early and found her out again. When Iv asked her whats going on she tells me she has met someone else. She says its because I'm not showing her any affection. Im now so scared of loosing her I don,t know what if anything I can do...Please please help me... Reply to this Question
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reader, mandj +, writes (4 November 2009):
mandj is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell just an update on my situation. My wife has admitted to seeing someone else. She says its just for sex and that's all. She says I can stay at our home and just go our separate ways. Im thinking that if this relationship grows with the man she is seeing then it won't be long till she wants me out and him in....What if anything should I do?????????
A
male
reader, mandj +, writes (2 November 2009):
mandj is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your advice. Melanie my wife is a very loving person and I think I owe it to her to at least try to show her how much I love and care about her. Hopefully its not to late. Thanks again...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): You need to understand that you are grieving a loss right now. Anytime we loose anything in life, we have to grieve. No matter if it's a death in the family or loss of health. You are realizing that your body is slowing down and it isn't going to come back. This isn't an injury when you are 20 that is going to heal. Your body is changing.
Now your first reaction is to pull in on yourself. You want to deal with it on your own but what happens when you do that is that you've closed off to her. Think of it this way. You guys are holding each other in the cold and when you closed off cause of your pain, she lost your warmth. She is now waiting in the cold for you to warm up to her again, never knowing if you will.
Right now you can't go back to the way it is because you are still grieving and accepting what is ahead for you. But you can still show her signs you will warm up to her again. If you still live together, hold her occasionally. Just watch a movie with her and hold her, don't worry about the sex part. Women respond to just being held. Remember that you still have other things that come with age, like financial security. Hopefully, you have some money where you can buy her a gift. Or some flowers or a card. These are also signs she isn't loosing you completely. She just needs something to reminder her you aren't emotionally gone. She doesn't want to stand in the cold forever.
Everyone's story is different but I can relate somewhat. I am with a younger man (in his early 20's) and he had a serious accident at work that injured him severally. At first we all thought he would heal and be back to normal. But now we are finding, after many surgeries, that he is going to have limitations the rest of his life. He had to mourn that. He still is on some level. He is in his 20's and it's only going to get harder for him as he ages. But one of the things I appreciated was that even though there were hard times, and he didn't allow me in as much as I would have liked, he didn't completely shut me out. He would talk to me about his fears on occasion and even though I couldn't fix them, it made him feel he wasn't alone and made me feel that I served a purpose in his life. It bonded us more than anything else ever could have. But it takes two people. Not only does it need one person willing to listen and be there BUT it requires the other to open up and talk about what's happening.
Some of your issues may be embarrassing but if you can't talk to her about them, who can you talk to? I think you need to tell her how important she is to you and open up about some of your fears. I know it feels scary to do that but, from a woman's perspective, it bonds us to our loved ones when they open up.
I can't say for sure she will comeback but if you love her it's worth a try. Even if she has feelings for this other person, you would be amazed how easy it can be to spark up a low fire in someone's heart. She may just need some kind words and some reminders that you aren't leaving her in the cold. Cause that's when we start to look for someone else to warm us.
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