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female
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anonymous
writes: Marry him or break up?I have been dating with my bf for 5 years who really love me, I think he has stronger feelings for me than I have for him. The thing is he is urge to get married and wants to be together afterwards, I am not ready for marriage at this point, plus I am still at graduate school and we are in different cities. That means I have to transfer my school to his school if getting married.He said He can not wait anymore, if I am not going to marry him this summer, we will break up. He is not the everything I want but I am sure he is the guy I want to get married, however, I am not ready for that.I want to stay in a stable relationship for another two years and pursue each goals before we totally settle down in a marriage. He said I intentionally delay the date for marriage is a signal that I will dump him in the future, we talked about this issue a lot of times already, he could not understand why I can not marry him now.How can I make him feel secure or any better way to resolve this problem? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Sis6372 +, writes (4 May 2006):
He's not the one for you, but you already know that. You need to let him go, tell him you love him but that you two are not at the same points in your lives, if he loved you he'd wait, he'd respect the fact that your not ready. The fact that the two of you cannot compromise on when to get married proves to me that your relationship has other problems as well. He may just be feeling insecure but either way you need to find out and make a decision fast. I went on for 6 years like that, its no way to live, now I'm with the man I love more than anything and although I don't regret those 6 years with the other man I wish I would have realized sooner that it just wasn't realistic to stay in a relationship with no future. Good Luck in whatever you do!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2006): You wouldn't believe how many people I know end up getting married when they arn't ready. None stayed married very long.
You need to think about the moment you are walking up the aisle and taking your vowels. Do you want there to be even a tiny bit of doubt in your mind?
It sounds like this isn't the right time for you to get married at all and the fact that he is pushing you to do it should be warning lights for you.
You need to tell him straight, that you don't see yourself getting married right now and that you want to wait a couple of years. Make him feel secure by giving your reasons, he should understand them. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2006): If he truly loved you he would wait until you were both ready to get married. He is being very selfish. In all honesty I would end it as I think you feel that he isnt the man you want to spend the rest of your years with. Good Luck.
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