A
female
age
41-50,
*onyak902
writes:Ok I'm not comfortable with a situation I'm in and im not sure how to address it..To keep it simple..prior to my relationship, my bf racked up a large 'score' so to speak.. and he's from a small town so everytime he goes 'home' he's around or potentially could be around girls who he's had flings with... he lives with roomates who are also from that same place..and they seem to enjoy inviting women to their place for the night or weekends or for drinks..some of whom my bf has had sex with..and as his girlfriend..I'm not comfortable with him hanging out with girls who would happily sleep with him again despite him being in a relationship.. My insecurity roots from him cheating on me near the beginning of our relationship with the girl who he was seeing prior to me..I went away on a trip and he decided to sleep with her (unprotected) (and yes i've been tested and am fine, thank Goodness).. and we've had rocky periods but worked through them...but I'm just not ever goign to be ok with him hanging out with women who he's slept with which seems to be every woman he knows... what do i do???
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): "insecurity roots from him cheating on me near the beginning of our relationship with the girl who he was seeing prior to me"
Tough situation, only you can figure out if he is worth the chance.
Promiscuity doesn't happen in a vacuum either, usually lots of reasons for it an "just being a guy" isn't one of them.
If you were married and had children and were older the cheating would be looked at differently. However, you aren't, he cheated on a "new" woman who he should have still been gaga over the new relationship. That is worrisome.
I agree with Odds below, ditch the guy and find someone who isn't just racking up a score if you are serious about long term relationship (marriage, kids, and such).
On the other hand, if he is just a temporary on the way to the LTR, then you take it for what it is and move on later I suppose.
A
female
reader, sonyak902 +, writes (21 December 2010):
sonyak902 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for your input. You both have really good points. His roomates are all young..between the ages of 21 - 26.. he's 27. They're really inconsiderate..they all are really disrespectful of women..and I feel like if the only thing that can be done is to move away .. because he's not strong enough to be faithful that means that im still living with someone whos' unfaithful..and now actually LIVING with...which makes me even more stuck to him. I love him a lot and we spend a lot of time together but yes.. I have NO peace of mind..unless I know what's up there when im not around... and to answer your question, i found out he cheated..he never admitted.. he lies a lot about his past..i always find out he's slept with woman that he denied sleeping with..and multiple times..and the kind of women they are..is skanky..pure definition.... dress to show a lot of skin and talk trashy, and have slept with 4 of the 6 guys that live in that house..its really disgusting me
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A
male
reader, doublejack  +, writes (21 December 2010):
Put simply, this guy is a player. You have legitimate reasons to feel insecure in the relationship, and I'm afraid that's just not going to get any better in time because of his past behavior. I suggest letting him go and finding someone with better values.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (21 December 2010):
 Promiscuity is habit-forming. If he is continually exposed to opportunities to cheat, especially when he goes home and has the nostalgia filter workign for him, he's going to be continually tempted.
He has already demonstrated that temptation can be stronger than him. He is also not going to change his behavior, especially as long as his roommates are egging him on.
I understand that the qualities which attract you to him are the same as those which attract other women. Often, women are more attracted to guys simply because other women are - it's called "preselection." Your instincts are working against your happiness here.
You *should* break up with him. You've seen all the warning signs. Find a guy with more self-control and a shorter history.
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A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (21 December 2010):
 It sounds like every womans nightmare to me. He needs to get out of that situation if he is serious with you. He has it in him to cheat. I wonder if he confessed to that or did you find out by chance. If you did find out, then it shows he could do it again behind your back. He needs to do a lot of convincing with you that he can be faithful. The situation where he is living must be a very big temptation to him. You must not have any peace thinking of what he's doing next with the crowd he's with. One day maybe you could ask him to move somewhere else with you, away from all these temptations and influences. Otherwise you are in for a rocky ride of mistrust and hurt.
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