A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,So I don't know dating rules and am a naturally horny person. I don't have a lot of self control if I'm attracted to someone. This does not mean I can't say no but if I like the person and he's hot to me, I'm very sexual and "fast" to many most likely.Onto the problem. I've been texting and talking to someone from OkCupid for a few weeks now. Our conversation flows and we seem to get along. We've talked about our interests, ourselves, and even sex. What I'm trying to say is the conversation hasn't been all about sex. He's a kind person, high school teacher, very family oriented (he's told me about his good and close relationship with his mother). Context: I'm 21 and he's 27. I wasn't in the state until a few days ago. We met for the first time last night, had a nice date watching the game (both huge basketball fans). Ended the night with a kiss which lead to, I'll put it in child terms, 2nd base (aka fingering and blowjob). Afterwards, he told me something alone the lines of, "Hey I won't be available the next two weekends but weekdays I can drive down if you're not busy. I don't want you to think I'm some kind of asshole who just used you if I can't hang out those weekends." He wasn't quite as eloquent as how I wrote it, I don't think he knew how to word it. I asked him point blank what were you expecting from this date. He said nothing really, just conversation and since I love basketball, it'd be like hanging with one of his guy friends except that he wouldn't kiss his guy friends.I was like okay, said I understood, and left on a happy, good note but then got to thinking which just turned out to be saddening for me. I texted him, "Did I fuck that up?" He calls me but I couldn't bring myself to answer. He texts, "Ur perfect."To be honest, I'm not looking for a serious relationship, I don't need him to be my boyfriend, but more of a fling. If you get along with someone, you both enjoy the same things, you are attracted to each other sexually, wouldn't you want to keep hanging out and seeing that person, me in other words? I know that giving a blowjob on the first date is probably slutty to many but I don't this is fair. I don't go around blowing everyone on the first date. I just really trust that this guy is not a scumbag but maybe I'm too young and naive.Thanks for any advice.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 May 2012):
 I don't quite see what's the problem. You don't want a serious relationship , he does not want one either. You want a fling, sort of, he too. He says he wants to hang out with you again if and when he has time, you would be Ok with that . So where's the conflict ?
" If you get along with someone, you enjoy the same things, you are attracted to each other sexually,wouldn't you want to keep hanging out ". Yes, but not necessarily very often. Because I have other people I get along with too, other people that enjoys the same things, perhaps also other people there's sexual attraction with. And anyway I 'd have my priorities, my friends, my passtimes, my alone moments... my regular life, I would not feel as if I have to make special arrangements with the new person, in lack of a romantic, emotional interest or involvement. I can appreciate the person I have just met,to a point- the point of admitting her into my schedule if she fits in, without requesting me particular efforts.
So, there should not be a problem, - you want the same, if he is a scumbag, then are you a scumbaggette ?:)
If you,instead, deep down are a bit disappointed because he is not totally smitten, he does not act as if he is massively impressed, massively into you.... well, he is not. If he were, yes, he would prioritize you over anything. But you aren't massively into him either, so , poor guy, do you want him to be panting after you, when you are not panting after him either ?
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (21 May 2012):
 He is not a scumbag. When neither of you are looking for a serious relationship it means you see each other when you happen to have free time together, and you don't get your feelings attached so that you don't get impatient of waiting for him. He is expressing to you that he has limited time for you so you have to agree to this if you want to continue this kind of relationship (don't know what to name it). He is not making any promises that in the future he has more time for you, so don't wait for him. He doesn't want to seem like a user so if that's what you feel it is not his problem. I don't think you can get him to be more interested in you to the level you want so if you are looking for more he may not be the one for you. There are boyfriends and girlfriends who only see each other once a week because of distance, FWBs who see each other a few times a week, as long as they are fine with the arrangements. You have to work that out with the guy. Neither one of you should feel very dissatisfied. Remember there are tons of guys looking for non serious relationships so don't feel you have to settle with this one if you have a high sex drive.
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