A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I feel completely disgusted and humiliated with myself. I am 23 and feel like the worst woman on the planet. In high school and at times in college I explored pornography (much more then). My fiancé has confessed as well that he would look at pornography in college and before we started dating because he was not with anyone to help with certain things. We are now engaged and have known each other since high school and love each other more than ever. We have been living together a little over a year now. However, on and off I have looked at porn when he is not home. I feel dirty and cruel...especially since I have asked him if he has since we have moved in together and it would bother me so so much if he did. Yet, I have been doing exactly what I hate! I feel like a monster...I feel like I'm cheating and I feel that something is wrong with me that I keep looking at something this dirty when I love my fiancé in everyday. This does not happen everyday, only when I am "in the mood", but it is just so wrong and misguided in what I know I should be doing for my own self. My question is: Has any women experienced this and how did you control these urges?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2014): I'm a female and have watched it before, I felt the same and still do to s certain extent. It is tempting but I have come to realise that many girls do it but most don't admit to it. There is no shame. Maybe, watch it together. Works for many couples!
A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (21 October 2014):
Oh, my, methinks the issue is that you think porn is so horrible and dirty. Obviously you enjoy looking at it occasionally, and there is nothing freaking wrong with this. It isn't cheating, and you are a grown woman. You have been taught somewhere along the way that it is bad and shameful, and this may be hard to overcome.
The hypocrisy IS a problem. It stems, though, from the same deep seated issues. The truth is, it isn't cheating when you do it, and if he does it it also isn't cheating. It has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not you love one another.
So you can either stop watching it and then feel like a horrible, dirty person when you "slip up", or you can grow up a little and admit you enjoy to watch it occasionally, like tens of millions of other people do (including myself and my husband- sometimes together, sometimes alone).
In all likelihood, your guy does watch it occasionally. He would be very much in the male minority if he didn't.
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