A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I'm in a new relationship and the sex is already an issue! I've addressed a few issues but I'm worried I'm being a complete prude! The 2 issues I've yet to mention are these - When he drinks he wants sex but needs help getting hard then can't finish! We can go for ages till I hurt and to be honest I get bored! I try to get him to finish as best I can but nothing! So have to give up at which point he starts masturbating and then gets my hand so I can help, I feel so insulted I just don't want to be party to that! He's fine when he doesn't drink! Am I ok to feel this way? The second issue is he says things during sex that make me feel sleazy, I want to here nice things not dirty porn lines! He just sounds pervy and I feel unpleasant and turned off! He's almost 40 and it's just a bit odd I feel like he doesn't get women or is it just me?? Thank you G
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2014): Thank you!
It's a difficult one! We have been friends for years and this developed into a relationship but he has become so intense so soon!
I've already told him I'm not having sex every time we are alone - he was expecting this and kept initiating without asking (like saying he was going to get me naked and leading me to the bedroom!) he has to be touching me all the time, hand on leg while driving, arm round me, hand on bum, holding hands I'm not hugely touchy feely and it's overwhelming! He wants to cuddle all night then tries to initiate sex in the morning after I've not slept (too hot, unconfortable!) I've addressed some of the issues but he doesn't seem to respect that it's my body, that boundaries should be set not assumed, that he needs to build a relationship not just jump in where he's happy!
I feel like I'm constantly criticising him, I don't recognise him anymore, my friend has gone and this guy is making me feel smothered, overwhelmed and like I have a lot of issues! I wanted to develop something special with a friend but I'm just running scared, if he slaps my arse, grabs it, tells me he staring at it, stares at me, invades my space or freaks me out again I'm going to snap! He should know me better than to be like this!!
We still get on as such but I don't like who he's being and how he's acting and I'm worried I'm over reacting but it all feels so wrong so soon, I've never had this many issues so soon, he's been in relationships before I just don't get it
Thank you again :0?
G
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2014): Thank you!
It's a difficult one! We have been friends for years and this developed into a relationship but he has become so intense so soon!
I've already told him I'm not having sex every time we are alone - he was expecting this and kept initiating without asking (like saying he was going to get me naked and leading me to the bedroom!) he has to be touching me all the time, hand on leg while driving, arm round me, hand on bum, holding hands I'm not hugely touchy feely and it's overwhelming! He wants to cuddle all night then tries to initiate sex in the morning after I've not slept (too hot, unconfortable!) I've addressed some of the issues but he doesn't seem to respect that it's my body, that boundaries should be set not assumed, that he needs to build a relationship not just jump in where he's happy!
I feel like I'm constantly criticising him, I don't recognise him anymore, my friend has gone and this guy is making me feel smothered, overwhelmed and like I have a lot of issues! I wanted to develop something special with a friend but I'm just running scared, if he slaps my arse, grabs it, tells me he staring at it, stares at me, invades my space or freaks me out again I'm going to snap! He should know me better than to be like this!!
We still get on as such but I don't like who he's being and how he's acting and I'm worried I'm over reacting but it all feels so wrong so soon, I've never had this many issues so soon, he's been in relationships before I just don't get it
Thank you again :0?
G
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (2 August 2014):
 Soooo... what you're really telling us, is that you and this guy are 180 degrees out of sync on what "sex" and/or "intimacy" really is.
How long do you suppose you should put up with his antics, before/until you realize that he is the EXCEPTION... and not "THE RULE".... about guys who will be good - or great, lovers and partners??....
Extricate yourself from this situation, now, and you will never regret it....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 August 2014):
 I think it's just somehow he's built. I've had sex with an 18 year old virgin. It went on for 40 minutes and he didn't cum. I asked him if he masturbated and he said no, and it didn't bother him if he didn't cum.
When you start hurting, then stop and hand job him until he finishes. Tell him the porn lines is not what turns you on, but instead, what turns you on. Tell him you like him better when he's sober. When he's drunk you lie down and go to sleep.
There is always that popular opinion that he watches too much porn, too used to his hand and therefore desensitized to a real woman and a real vagina. You don't know this for sure so let's not feel bad so quick.
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