A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My good friend and I met around 7 years ago in college. He's liked me since day one and we dated briefly about 4 years ago and again 2 years ago, but things never worked out between us because of our vastly different personalities and values, and I never did like him all that much aside from a physical attraction. Throughout this past year though, we have grown a lot closer. I don't know what it is, whereas before we would have awkward silences, now we seem to have endless conversations and laughs. I have opened up a lot more to him than before and we have come to a much better understanding of each other. I find myself wondering to myself every time after hanging out with him if we would make a good couple. I'm unsure how he feels about me. He's told me recently that he sees me as a combination of family, friend and lover, and that he too has wondered if we would make a good couple if we try things again. We see each other quite often and always do date-like activities such as catching an evening broadway or dinner/movie/drinks. I've hinted to him that I am interested in seeing where things lead with us, but he told me straight out that he is not the one I'm looking for. I have been single for about 5 months now and if he does see me as more than a friend, I would expect him to have made a move on me already, but he hasn't. Yet he offers to drive me around to places and asks me out to do things that he wouldn't do with his other female friends. I'm not in love with him or anything. But I feel a chemistry and would like to try things out and see if feelings would develop. I'm not sure how to approach this as he is the type of guy who doesn't like a woman being too direct or take initiatives, and would prefer the thrill of a chase so to speak. I'm also unsure if it's wise to risk ruining the friendship as what we have right now is wonderful. What are your opinions? Do you think he has feelings for me or am I imaging things? How should I approach this situation without losing my cool and appearing desperate?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (11 October 2009):
He's told you that he's not the one, so listen to him. And you're not actaully in love with him, so listen to yourself. This is doomed before it's even begun. Far better to remain as friends with him and find another guy who you do love.
A
female
reader, boo22 +, writes (11 October 2009):
 Hi, this is a tricky one indeed. It must be quite frustrating for you if you see him a lot.
He told you straight out that " he is not the one you're looking for " Please take heed of what he's saying. For some reason only known to himself at the moment, he knows it won't work out between you.
If you use your feminine charms on him and get him into bed eventually, please be ready to lose his friendship.
If your willing to take that risk, then persue it.
Its wonderful now, but i feel things will go downhill quickly if you become lovers. Look around for someone else and stop spending so much time with him. It'll drive you crazy otherwise.
I don't know what his problem is, but if your not getting the green light, move away. good luck
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