A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have a dilema, I met a wonderful man about a year ago, we both live together. He has a 6yr old son from his first marriage who lives overseas and I have a 13 yr old from my first marriage who lives with us. I have never had any issues with his first wife, I know they communicate but it never bothered me in the past..but now she has been saying that my partner needs to see his son...she refused to bring him to the US where we live (even though we would have paid)as she said that she came there 2 years ago. My partner will not go back to the Middle East where she lives for many reasons, so they decided they will meet in Italy. The problem is I'm not happy with this arrangement. It's actually tearing me up, because for the first time I realise this woman still has feelings for my partner, which he acknowledges. We planned to all go the the UK where I'm origanlly from as a solution, but she didn't want that either. This woman knows he is with me but still sent an email suggesting they get an apartment together in Italy, so they can all be together. I am so frustrated at the moment and slightly angry that I've been put in this situation. Especially since I went to great lengths to deal with my ex-husband and set the right boundaries. Is it acceptable that he is taking a trip for a week to Italy where he will be with his son and ex wife without me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2008): Tell your Bf that he can go see his ex,"but don't come back", He either has a commitment to you,or he doesn't.or he still has one with his ex. And you are just a warm body to fill his sexual needs. Yes, You have a right to feel the way that you do, But the rubber needs to hit the road as far as his commitment to you or her. And what you have going in your relationship is just another form of Relational-Infidelity.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2008): it sounds like this ex-wife has some unfinished business with your partner and she seems to be manipulating the whole situation to her advantage.obviously she hasnt got a partner!i wonder how understanding he would be?ask your fella if he would feel hurt if it were the other way round?tell him the truth and that you feel its far too intimate to have them sharing an apartment together.also i would try and go too.whats wrong with them spending days together and you and him spending the evenings together?tell him to suggest this to her and guage her reaction.if she quibbles about it then i think you should definitely insist he doesnt go without you.if you are strong enough you need to make him realise that you have feelings too in all of this.im in a similar situation and it doesnt get any better unless you put your foot down.good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2008): This is really a difficult one. I do totally agree with you that this is not right for him to stay in an apartment with her. I think that you should go with him for the week. Perhaps you should press more for the U.K. meeting. I assumt that the U.K. solution would allow him to be with her and his son during the day and with you at night. I assume that you could have things to do by yourself or with friends or family if you would meet in the U.K. The Italy solution would be more difficult for you, as you would not know anyone there and you would be by yourself during the day. You could spend the day with them, but that would be awkward and maybe difficult for his son. I don't see a good solution, except to press for the U.K. meeting. Stand up for yourself and continue to press for something more acceptable.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2008): I wouldnt be too happy with that either! Let him know exactly how you feel! If you dont like the arrangements then dont put up with it. Why should they share an apartment? Why cant they stay at separate hotels and meet up during the day? No way would i put up with it.
take care
xx
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