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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: have been with my boyfriend for just over 8 months, he told me he loved me after 8 weeks (we had been family friends for years and very close friends for about 2 even when at different universities)Recently he moved out so for the past 2 and a half months I come over and stay with him most weekends. We both work full time, I commute to London on my placement year at uni but he works 30 mins drive away from his office. I do not have a good relationship with my mother as she can be very critical and controlling and my boyfriend knows she upsets me with her comments sometimes. I love her but I find she can crowd me a little. I think it’s the 2 years I had at uni which was far away from home which has meant I am much more idependant than my older brother who also lives at home. J is my first serious boyfriend that has been introduced to the family and we are very happy, it took a while for mum to get used to the idea of us and I still don’t think she is accepting it. What I want to ask about is my boyfriend, I know he loves me very much, 3 months ago I lost my horse which I had owned for over 5 years which was devastating for me and since this time my mum has been a lot more controlling and worrying about me. Over the past few weeks J has dropped it in to conversation that if it even gets to much I could stay with him. Recently we had a serious conversation about things and he said that he honestly doesnt mind and would like me to move in and if i wanted it could only be a temporary thing as I would be going back to uni in a year. when i broached the money side of things, i said that i couldnt pay my half (my wages are low and about half goes on my rail fare) but his reponse was that he earns enough to support me where needed and we could work something out.Last night we were cuddled up on the sofa and I said that I didn’t want to move as was too comfortable and that I missed this when we had both gone away separately the weekend before. His response was that we could do this every night when I moved in as its going to happen eventually.I need to say a few things first, I am 20 years old on a placement year before I head back to uni for another year then ill be back in sussex for another year working before I qualify as a Surveyor. I never saw myself settling down til I was much older as I hadn’t really had any serious relationships before J. Looking at it constructively I would love the prospect of living with him to be able to see him every night I just am not ready to even be thinking about that kind of commitment. He is a year older than me, graduated and starting a very good career and very settled with things whereas I am unsettled for the next 3 years realistically. he has had one 6 months relationship about 2 years ago and i can tell he is proud to have me as his girlfriend. I feel its putting pressure on me to think that he is assuming we are going to move in together eventually, I know its because he loves me and doesn’t want to lose me. but i feel that moving in together would be settling down too soon and we would miss what have at the moment which is amazing. I just don’t know what to say should he raise this subject again? i am not ready emotionally or financially for the commitment.
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lives at home, money, moved in, moved out Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2011): I think your refreshingly sensible and know your own mind. If moving in is not what you want yet, then tell him your not ready to and why.
My daughter has just finished Uni and is in her first job and flat sharing with other girls. She had been in a long relationship but as alot do, they went in different directions eventually. She's discovering herself and loving her career - growing.
Be true to yourself, enjoy your life and if eventually you are ready to move in with your boyfriend, you will know.
Good luck x
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (28 September 2011):
 you should tell him just what you told us.
it might make him feel insecure but be true to yourself.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 September 2011):
 If he raises the subject again just be straight with him and tell him what you have said on here. He may be a little disappointed to begin with but am sure he will come to terms with it. Also maybe you could meet half way down the middle and stay over with him more so that you are both getting to spend some quality time together.
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